


Nobody Else Could Love Me Like You Do

by CharlieLeau



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Actors, Alternate Universe - Exes, Alternative Universe - No Island, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, F/M, Heavy Angst, I'll edit the tags as the story goes on, Male-Female Friendship, POV Felicity Smoak, POV Oliver Queen, Past Relationship(s), Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, dark themes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2018-09-25 05:12:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 81,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9804014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlieLeau/pseuds/CharlieLeau
Summary: Five years ago, Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak were engaged but now they don't know each other anymore. They used to be Hollywood's Golden couple but now they are just two souls who have drifted apart. Everything changes when director John Diggle comes to them with a script that could either bring them back together or break them further apart.





	1. The script

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!!
> 
> I said on Twitter I'll be back with not only one fic but two fics... So here's the second fic! (The first being my soulmate au and for those who don't know it go check it out. Or not. Do whatever you want XD).  
> This was born out of anger and sadness over what was happening to Olicity on the show. It's by far my saddest and most emotional story and I really hope that you guys will like it. There will be a lot of angst so bear with me and trust me. I love happy endings :)  
> Let me warn you, I'll be dealing with HEAVY and DARK themes here. I'll edit the tags as I post the chapters and I'll always write trigger warning in the notes so please guys read them and be cautious when you read.
> 
> Happy reading!!

**_San Diego Convention Center – July 23 rd, 2016, San Diego, US_ **

Felicity was nervous.

No scratch that.

Felicity was oh-my-god-I’m-going-to-have-a-stroke nervous.

Her heart was pounding in her chest, her palms were damp with sweat and her legs were shaking on top of her very high-heels – god why had she put on stilettos? She was afraid of heights for god’s sake! She should had worn flats. No even better, she should had worn flip-flops. Flip-flops were cute and comfortable and more importantly _they_ _weren’t so freaking high it made her head spin!_ She looked down and tugged uncomfortably at the hem of her dress. Why had she gone with the cute white dress? It wasn’t cute anymore, just way too short and probably too transparent. She should had put on sweatpants. Yeah. Flip-flops and sweatpants. Best outfit ever. Why did her agent think she needed a stylist again?

She looked around her, extremely aware of her surroundings. People were running back and forth, checking microphones and cameras, and making sure everything was ready for the panel.

The panel of _The Lawyer._

The drama nobody had thought would become the most watched show when it had first aired.

The TV-show that had brought Felicity Smoak back in the spotlight.

The TV-show for which she had gotten an Emmy nomination for _Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series._

Uh-uh, wrong thing to be thinking about. A lump formed in Felicity’s throat again and she felt a tingling sensation at the tips of her fingers. What were the signs that someone was having a stroke again? Pain on the left side? Her left arm did feel a little bit sore but she didn’t know if it _really_ was a stroke or just a side-effect of her freak out.

She tried to take a deep breath and relax but found it really hard to calm herself down when she knew that everyone would probably see her panties through her _white_ dress. She should have gone commando. Or not. She would never had recovered from flashing her lady parts to everyone in the room after she tripped on her heels.

Because she was so going to trip and fall.

And perhaps throw up too.

Fuck, she needed to leave like, RIGHT NOW.

“Okay everyone,” a woman wearing a white cap, someone Felicity suspected was in charge, said. “Line up as I told you. You’re up in five minutes.”

Felicity quickly glanced at her castmates, looking for the blue eyes and cute smile of her closest friend on set, Barry Allen. They both smiled at each other when their eyes met and she walked to him, placing herself behind him.

“Hey!” He greeted her cheerfully, squeezing her hand. He was kind enough not to comment on her pallid face – no amount of makeup could hide her fear apparently – for which she felt grateful.

“I’m two seconds away from turning around and leaving,” she blurted out, her voice sounding weird even to her own ears.

His eyes widened. “What? Are you kidding? _Everyone_ wants to see you.” He realized that was the wrong thing to say when Felicity’s face went from pallid to corpse-like. “And Ray Palmer. They’re also here to see the great, the wonderful Ray Palmer,” he quickly added, faking a casual tone so hard it made Felicity internally cringe. Ray Palmer was neither Felicity’s nor Barry’s favorite co-star as he was a notorious jackass and a complete jerk. But hey, he looked great and his abs brought in feminine viewers so who was going to fire him?

And great, now she was thinking about Ray Palmer and his wandering hands.

She let out a shaky breath, tears coming up to her eyes. “I can’t do this Bar,” she whispered, twisting her fingers together.

“Yes, you can,” he said, stopping her nervous fidgeting. “You went to the Oscars once. This is a piece of cake compared to that.”

She froze.

They never spoke of the Oscars, _never_.

Felicity blinked, bracing herself to greet the pain that was sure to follow the mere mention of that night. Her eyes fluttered close as she felt a knife plunge deep in her heart, the sensation so familiar now she welcomed it like she would welcome an old friend. And in a sense, it was. That pain had become her daily companion, it was following her closely and waiting for an opportunity, an occasion to drag her back down in the darkness of her former life. It was made of the ghosts of her past, people and memories, words and places, shared mistakes and shattered hopes. That pain still hurt her as much as it had five years ago when it had become a part of her. It was a reminder of who she’d been and who she didn’t want to be anymore, a reminder of why she was doing what she did and why she was who she was now.

“Felicity?”

Barry uncertain voice reached her through the mist of her thoughts and Felicity opened her eyes again, careful not to let any of her emotions pass. She’d never been good at answering the questions that always followed and that was usually why she never spoke about her past.

“Are you alright?” He asked her, his concern plain as day.

Before she could answer, the woman with the white cap who had spoken earlier said.

“Okay guys you’re on. The moderator is going to start calling your names, be ready!”

Five seconds later, the moderator of the panel was starting to call the names of Felicity’s castmates.

Caitlin Snow.

Cheers and applauses from the crowd for the cute actress people had been seeing on their TV-screen since she started her career on Disney Channel when she was a teenager.

Ray Palmer.

Cheers and applauses mixed with high-pitched shrieks for the ultra-famous chick flics actor.

Joe West.

Louder cheers and applauses for the man with two Emmys, the lead actor of _The Lawyer_ and mentor to them all.

Barry Allen.

Cheers and applauses for the Broadway actor who had gone from being a simple guest-star to a series regular.

Then…

“Felicity Smoak playing the lawyer we all wish to had, Hannah Parson.”

Felicity’s heart leapt out of her chest.

Okay, Showtime.

In a second, she was out of the dark backstage and making her way on stage under the blinding light of the spots, walking on her heels without tripping in spite of her legs feeling like jelly. She was walking and wasn’t tripping and the hem of her dress wasn’t riding up and she was pretty sure nobody could see through the white fabric of her dress. The fans were cheering and applauding and yelling things, Felicity even caught a few marriage proposals and invites to go out thrown into the mix.

It was crazy. She felt crazy and yet she liked it.

God, she’d missed this. She’d missed her fans. Their love, their unadulterated passion… They gave her life.

She waved at them and smiled brightly, for the cameras which were out and the people who were screaming her name. Her nervousness was gone and she was so drunk on happiness she barely made out the names of her last two castmates, Patty Spivot and Cisco Ramon. Barry was still up and the two of them snapped a selfie arm-in-arm, the waving crowd in the background, before sitting down still grinning from ear to ear like the two lucky idiots they knew they were.

“Alright,” the moderator said, when the cheers of the crowd started to settle. “Let’s give these guys a round of applause for an _amazing_ first season!”

The cheers and applauses were so loud this time, Felicity feared for about a second the building would collapse on them. But then she looked around and her eyes met those of her castmates, Patty, Barry and Cisco and they all smile at each other and she allowed herself to savor the moment with no fear whatsoever holding her back. Everything was fine, everything was okay and now wasn’t the time to be a nervous weirdo.

“This is crazy,” she mouthed at Barry and he only grinned in response, a grin that showed all his dimples and made him look ten different shades of cute.

When the crowd calmed down a little, the panel’s moderator started asking them questions about the show and how they got involved in it. The story revolved around Hannah Parson, played by Felicity, the daughter of the infamous Bill Parson, co-founder of Washington’s most famous law office _Parson & Williams _who committed suicide when Hannah was 13. The show started when Felicity’s character inherited her father’s position in the office after she graduated from law school, as he had wished so in his will. Her legitimacy at the shared head of the office was contested for she was a young woman with no real experience whatsoever. The show was divided between a daily case and Hannah’s attempt at solving her father’s murder – she didn’t believe he’d committed suicide. She was determined to bring whoever killed him to justice. There was also a huge focus on Hannah’s morals’ dilemma as she found herself toying with the line between what was good and bad, right and wrong, in her quest for the truth. As for the other characters, Rick Williams, her father’s associate, was played by Joe West and Jerk Palmer was a lawyer working for another firm who very often clashed with Felicity. As for Barry, he played the tech guy Felicity kept coming to for help. He was only meant to be in a two-part episode but his natural charm and nice chemistry with both Felicity and Patty, whose character was one of the best police lieutenants, convinced the producers to give him a bigger role in the show.

“So, the finale ended with quite the cliffhanger,” the moderator started, teasing the crowd which hums back in approval.

“That’s one way to put it,” Jerk Palmer joked, making people laugh in the room. A character was severely wounded in the last scene and the show hadn’t revealed whether it was Patty’s, Joe’s or Barry’s. Even the trailer for season two hadn’t answered that question yet, driving fans crazy all over the world.

They quickly moved to the spoilers they had already delivered for season 2, most of them based on “ifs” as they couldn’t say who’d been shot and if the shot-character would survive his/her injuries. At the beginning Felicity felt a bit ill-at-ease when it was her turn to answer questions and the fact that she had her heart in her throat didn’t really help with that matter. But the moderator managed to make her feel comfortable and her castmastes had her back and quite often cut in to joke around, making her laugh and relax meaning that when the Q&A session started her nervousness was nothing more than a foreign memory. Most of the questions were about the atmosphere on set and the characters’ relationships. Felicity and Caitlin on-screen friendship was highly-praised, as well as her complicated father-daughter relationship with Joe’s character. Ray’s just finished to tease a new way for his character and Felicity’s to release the pent-up frustration between them in season two, shooting suggestive looks her way while he was at it, when the moderator announced time was almost up and the next question would be the last.

“Yes, you mister in the back, with the black shirt,” he said.

A man got up and reached out for a mic in the back of the room. Felicity could barely make out his face and she squinted her eyes a little to try and see him better.

“Hi! My question is for Felicity Smoak.”

Felicity’s blood froze in her veins.

That voice.

She knew that voice. And she wasn’t the only one. A murmur shook the crowd as people started recognizing who’d just spoken.

“But first thing first I want to congratulate you on your Emmy nomination,” the man said.

He smiled at her warmly and it was exactly as she remembered it and her heart clenched painfully in her chest. It was him, she knew it was him.

“Th-thanks,” she replied, her voice unmistakably shaking.

“Oh my god, is that _John Diggle_?” She heard Barry whisper next to her and she barely had time to register his words that the man, that John Diggle, _the_ John Diggle, was already speaking again.

“You were once a Hollywood actress. Is there any chance for us to see you again on the big screen?”

The crowd cheered at his words, some people even screamed the name of the movie they did together.

_The Agency._

Felicity didn’t really hear them.

A ghost.

She was staring at a ghost from her past.

Felicity had never been too fond of that saying. She tended to think that the people coming up with that kind of saying were just trying to make themselves sound deeper than they really were. But not right now. Right now, she was thinking they were all fucking right.

She was staring at man from her past, a past she’d thought was dead and buried just like the girl who had lived it.

She should have known better.

In spite of the air conditioned, Felicity could feel beads of sweat running down her neck. Her fingers were clenched so tightly around her mic, they were turning white. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she could feel her blood beat at her temples.

Great.

More people whispered John Diggle’s name or the movie’s title.

Then another name was thrown into the mix.

_Oliver Queen._

In a second, Felicity’s past was thrown at her face and it felt like a giant slap, the stinging sensation on her heart unmistakable, unavoidable. Her hands started shaking and she quickly hid them under the table, fisting the soft fabric of her summer dress.

_“Is there any chance for us to see you again on the big screen?”_

She knew they all expected a “yes” from her. They wanted her to say _The Lawyer_ was just the first step toward something bigger for her. But her heart screamed “no”. She didn’t want to be a Hollywood actress anymore. She didn’t want to go back to that life. She didn’t want to be that girl anymore. This was exactly what a nightmare looked like for Felicity. People, fans expecting something she just couldn’t give them. The futile desire to conquer Hollywood that used to drive her had vanished. She just didn’t have it in her anymore. It had been broken all those years ago, shattered on the cold hard ground alongside her heart, her dreams and her hopes.

“That would depend on many things,” she eventually replied, trying to overcome the swirl of raw emotions coming from a place deep within her she never looked into, afraid of what she’d find if she even did as much as glancing at it. “The script, my schedule, that kind of stuff,” she went on, staying as vague as possible. She felt herself shrink in her chair, her happiness from before fading away quickly. “ _The Lawyer_ really is my priority at the moment.”

The next few minutes were kind of blur. They left the stage and meet outside the conference room. They were free for the rest of the day but Felicity couldn’t remember any of her plans for the evening as she was still affected by what had just happened. Her ears were buzzing, flashes from what had just happened twirling in her mind.

_“I want to congratulate you on your Emmy nomination.”_

_“Is there any chance for us to see you again on the big screen?”_

What was John Diggle doing here in San Diego? And at her show’s panel of all places?

And why ask her those questions? Did he want something from her? And if yes, what?

She was far from being stupid and she could easily guess that he wanted to bring her back to Hollywood, at least, it was what his question was leading her to think. But if he wanted her to look at a script he could have just sent it to her agent. Why bother to travel up and come see her in person?

She could only think of one thing that would require his presence.

_The Agency._

Their first, and only, movie together. The movie that had changed her life entirely, for the better and also for the worst. The movie that had brought her and movie star Oliver Queen together.

Flashes from the past danced in her mind and she felt tears come up. Damn it, she couldn’t even think about him without turning into a stupid fountain! She angrily wiped at her eyes and looked up to see Ray Palmer, her co-star and potential on-screen love interest staring down at her from behind his sunglasses, his annoying black hair perfectly styled. She had been so engrossed in her own mind she hadn’t even noticed him.

“What?” She asked, feeling like a complete idiot, knowing she at least looked like one as she had been standing without moving for a few minutes now.

“I asked you if you wanted to go out for dinner, maybe rehearse a few of our stunts for episode five.” He winked at her to punctuate his, gross, suggestion and Felicity barely restrained herself from gagging.

“Are you asking me out on a date right now?” She asked, not caring that it probably wasn’t a socially acceptable question. But then his rehearsal ideas were just as inacceptable.

A heavy hand landed on her shoulder and pulled her to his side. He smelled of deodorant and cologne and it was too much to be enticing. She wrinkled her nose in disgust. “Dating is such an overrated concept,” he complained.

Felicity grabbed his hand and yanked it away from her. “Wanna know what else is an overrated concept? Your macho mumbo.”

“C’mon Felicity don’t be like that, you know we need to blow off some of the steam between us…” He softened his voice a little bit, trying to sound seductive but Felicity just shook her head at him. She didn’t know what the steam he was talking about was. Ray Palmer was like a beautiful flower that smelled terrible once you got too close. And it was already bad enough that they had to work together, she wouldn’t spend any more time with him outside of what was needed for the show.

“Work on your manners first,” she shot back before walking away from him, fulminating.

Barry caught her wrist before she could walk away. She turned around, arching an eyebrow.

“Where are you going?” He asked her.

To her room, where she’d proceed to drown herself in a very hot bath and then would finish herself with an overdose of red wine and chocolate.

Then she thought about the blue chip in her bag that said she’d been sober for over a year now and she knew the only overdose tonight would have to be chocolate induced.

Alas.

She opened her mouth to tell him just that when he cut her off.

“We’re still on for tonight? You, me, Caitlin, Patty and Cisco…” Felicity closed her eyes and mentally slapped herself. She’d agreed to… “Old Town, Mojitos, karaoke…” Barry reminded her, an excited smile on his lips.

“Yeah right,” she said without conviction.

Barry caught her arm when she shifted a bit away from him to avoid his gaze. “Hey, you okay?”

_No._

“Yes, why?”

He tilted his head slightly, his lips pursed in a very thin line. It was obvious he didn’t believe her.

“You weren’t expecting to see John Diggle, were you?”

_You don’t freaking say._

“Yes, it was a little bit of a surprise and unfortunately, not the “we-misunderstood-your-order-have-a-free-burger” kind of surprises but more like “that-uncle-you-hate-is-coming-for-Hanukah” kind of surprises. Not that I hate John Diggle, because I don’t, he’s a good man and I respect him, like a lot, he believed in me, gave me a chance and I can’t thank him enough for everything he did for me but…” Her voice trailed off and she found herself hesitating. Should she go on? Barry was looking at her with a surprised look on his face. She’d never spoken about John Diggle before. He was connected to the Oscars and her Hollywood past and it was something she never talked about. Visionary director John Diggle, _The Agency_ , Oliver Queen and the Oscars were exactly where they belonged.

In the past.

“You were surprised to see him here today,” Barry finished for her. She looked up and met his eyes and she could see in his blue orbs that he _got_ it. There was more than one reason why Barry Allen was her best friend on set and in this moment she was reminded of them all. It wasn’t only because he was adorkable and basically her long-lost twin-brother, no. It was because his eyes saw more than what his mouth let on. It was because he very often understood what lied beneath her silences. He knew there were some things that were just too hard to talk about. It took one to know one after all and he’d been through his fair share of rough moments. It didn’t matter that their lives were very different and they hadn’t been through the same things at all. In the end, he just _got_ her. He knew she might never tell him everything about her past, that there were some things she’d just keep for herself and it didn’t bother him. There were some things he’d never tell her too and that was fine with them both.

“Yeah,” she let out, her voice barely louder than a whisper. “I think maybe I’ll pass on the night out,” she added quickly.

“For what it’s worth, I think you should come. We’ll have fun and it’ll help you stop thinking about it.”

Felicity couldn’t really argue with his logic. Then, Barry opened his mouth, as if he had more to say, when his eyes caught something behind her. They widened suddenly and Felicity didn’t need to turn around to know who was standing behind her.

“Felicity, can I ask for a minute of your time?”

She clenched her fist out of instinct. Her whole body tensed up.

_You just did!_

The angry and bitter thought surprised her. She took a deep breath and slowly, very slowly, turned around.

She crossed John Diggle’s eyes and they were as warm and kind as they were when they had first met seven years ago.

She let out a shaky breath.

“John,” she said, “fancy seeing you here.”

He smiled at her, and Felicity found there was a mystery to it, some secrets hidden behind the corner of his lifted lips. She found it hard to smile back but she tried and in the end, went with a strained smile. She was aware of Barry’s presence next to them, watching the exchange with shining eyes. Felicity knew he was a real fan of John’s work and that he’d seen all his movies at least ten times and that he was probably screaming and hyperventilating internally just because he was standing next to one of his idols. So naturally, she went ahead and introduced them.

“Barry, this is John Diggle. John, this is my co-star Barry Allen.”

They shook hands and Felicity saw that Barry barely contained his squeal of joy. She thought he would pass out when John said.

“You’re doing really great in the show kid. Keep up with the good work and maybe one day we’ll meet again.”

Barry was literally left speechless and Felicity wished she could take a picture of his agape mouth.

“Thank you very much sir,” he eventually stumbled, still shaking his hand. “It’s an honor to meet you, really.”

They exchanged a few more words before Barry walked away, telling Felicity he and the others would be waiting for her.

“I’m sorry I crashed your panel,” John started after Barry was gone but she cut him off quickly, her nervousness throwing her manners to the wind.

“You didn’t really crash the panel, I mean, we didn’t know you were there until the last minute. Literally.”

He smiled again, but this time it looked more honest and he stared at her in that “you-look-so-cute” way that always infuriated her. She felt infantilized and as if people weren’t taking her seriously. But then again, maybe they would if she had more control over her stupid mouth.

“Obviously, you have some plans with your castmates for tonight,” John went on as if there had been no interruption, “and I know you’ll be extremely busy tomorrow between your Nerd HQ panel and the farewell party but I was wondering if we could maybe have lunch together? It’s been a while since we last saw each other and there are a lot of things I’d like to discuss with you.”

Felicity gulped, her mind already overthinking his next words. So he did want something from her. But what was it? Should she accept his invitation? He was an old friend, the least she could do was have lunch with him. But did she want to? She didn’t mind talking to John, but only if they were going to catch up. She didn’t want to talk business with him, she didn’t even want to entertain the possibility to do business with him, it was too risky, but she’d known him long enough to recognize the stubborn creases between his brows. He was definitely here to talk business with her and she just wasn’t ready for that.

_“Is there any chance for us to see you again on the big screen?”_

Well, if there was anyone to bring her back on the big screen, it could only be the man who’d given her her first role.

“Well, I’m sure I can find some time for an old friend,” she eventually agreed.

He huffed back a laugh. “Great. Let’s say 1pm, your hotel suite? I’ll bring some Big Belly with me.”

It was Felicity’s turn to huff back a laugh. “You know your way to my heart.”

He just shrugged. “See you tomorrow then?” He insisted, holding out his hand for her to shake.

She considered it for about a second before taking it. His palm was huge and warm but his grip gentle. “See you tomorrow,” she agreed, her voice catching up in her throat.

 

* * *

 

**_Old Town – July 23 rd, 2016, San Diego, US_ **

 

“Barry, Barry, Barry,” everyone chanted in the crowded small karaoke bar Felicity and her four castmates, Patty, Caitlin, Cisco and Barry, had chosen to spend the rest of their evening.

“Barry, Barry, Barry,” encouraged a slightly inebriated Caitlin from where she was standing on stage.

Barry thrusted his face as red as a tomato in his hands. Patty, who was sitting right next to him, was laughing so much at the situation – Barry the Broadway singer nervous to sing in a karaoke bar, it really was funny – that her cheeks were just as red as his.

“Why did we let Caitlin order that fourth round of mojitos?” Barry whined and that made Patty giggle even more.

“Come on man, your public demands you,” Cisco said, gesturing at the customers of the bar.

They’d walked inside the karaoke bar around an hour and a half ago and people immediately had recognized them. Felicity, who’d changed her clothes before leaving the convention center, had had a mini freak-out again but Caitlin had been quick to reassure her. The two were as good friends in real life as they were on TV and it was a blessing. Thankfully, the bar’s customers were all used to see actors around and had turned out to be very nice and welcoming, only asking for a couple of pictures and autographs before leaving them alone. Many girls had asked for a picture with Felicity, always telling her how much of an inspiration she was to them and every time Felicity had blinked in surprise. She was always taken aback by the immense love and support her character and she were getting. Strong, independent women weren’t always well-treated on TV, Hannah Parson being one of the lucky women show writers truly respected. Cameras were out again now though, since Caitlin was on stage, ready to sing and begging Barry to join her. They were all aware that videos of their night out would be soon all over the social media but they couldn’t bring themselves to care as they were all having too much fun.

“Barry, Barry, Barry,” Felicity sang along with the crowd, patting his back to encourage him.

He eventually stood up and people clapped their hands around them. He waved his hand at the crowd and Felicity shook his head at him, amused. Barry and Caitlin exchanged a few words when he got on stage and the slightly drunk brunette giggled at whatever it was that he had told her. Affection and amusement were shining in his eyes and Felicity wondered, not for the first time, when those two idiots would wake up and realize they were basically making heart-eyes at each other 24/7. It seemed the day hadn’t come yet because Barry just smiled at his partner, his dimples in full display and looked up, his two hands wrapped around his mic. Cisco got up with his phone in hand, ready to record their friends’ performance.

The music started and Felicity and Patty exchanged a knowing look when they recognized the tune.

“This is going to be epic,” Cisco commented excitedly and Felicity could only agree with him. Caitlin tended to look stiff and strict, with her high-heels and pencil skirts, and so drunk Caitlin, who was more relaxed and all fun, was a sight to behold.

“ _Summer loving had me a blast_ ,” she started singing and she was completely out of tune and almost tripping on her heels but she was laughing so hard there were tears in her eyes and Felicity couldn’t help but laugh along with her. _“Summer loving happened so fast.”_

 _“I met a girl crazy for me_ ,” Barry’s lower voice sang and wow the guy really _could_ sing. But then, that wasn’t surprising as he used to be a Broadway singer. Felicity really didn’t understand why he had been so shy before climbing up on stage, he was amazing.

“ _I met a boy cute as can be_ ,” Caitlin raised her thumbs at Barry and he laughed in reply, clearly amused by her.

Felicity chuckled, taking another sip of her virgin mojito. She was glad she had decided to go out with her friends in spite of her really unexpected meeting with John Diggle. They were everything she needed to make her day great again and even more. Barry and Caitlin kept singing – well Barry sang, Caitlin just yelled – and they were slightly dancing on stage, swaying and bumping their hips together, their complicity obvious to everyone in the room. It was fun to watch and Felicity couldn’t help but sway her head to the rhythm of the music. From the corner of her eyes, she caught the look on Patty’s face. Her blonde friend with killer legs, hello former model, had a big knowing smile on her face. Felicity leaned forward and nudged Patty to get her attention.

“I can’t wait until they realize they’re perfect for each other!” She said, loud enough to cover the noise in the bar.

Patty nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah me too! Their cat and mouse game is killing me!”

It was Felicity’s turn to nod forcefully.

“Oh my god, don’t tell me about it,” she replied. She then got on her feet to applaud Barry and Caitlin when they were done with the song. “Woooh!” She yelled, her thumbs raised up.

Barry walked Caitlin back to their table, carefully holding onto her to make sure she didn’t trip – what a gentleman! Felicity helped her sit down and ordered a water for her.

“I did great, didn’t I?” Her friend asked, beaming.

“You rocked!” Felicity confirmed, tucking a wild brown curl behind her ear.

“Now it’s your turn,” she slurred and Felicity immediately shook her head. “C’mon, Fliss,” drunk Caitlin apparently had trouble with her full name, “it’s really fun! And if you’re scared, take Barry with you.” Again the blonde shook her head, more firmly. “Fliss, Fliss, Fliss!”

“Caitlin stop!” Felicity protested. All eyes were turning toward her and she could feel her cheeks redden at all the sudden attention.

“Felicity, Felicity, Felicity,” everyone started chanting in the bar.

Cisco even turned his phone toward her and she knew he was recording this moment so she stuck her tongue out at him, in a very dignified way of course. Felicity even shot a death glare toward Caitlin but her friend just giggled, unimpressed. Felicity almost laughed too, because Caitlin was just looking too cute but she held it back, remembering she was supposed to be mad.

“It’s not so funny now is it?” Barry teased her and she glared at him too, ignoring his stupid knowing wink.

“Oh but if I’m going, you’re going with me, mister,” she counter-attacked, grabbing the fabric of his shirt and dragging him with her to the stage, people cheering and whistling around them.

Barry whispered a joke in her ear when they got on stage and she laughed at him before nudging him playfully. When she reached for a mic, her hands weren’t shaking. This was fun, they were having fun and there was no real reason to be nervous. Song requests were being shout and Felicity let Barry decide which one they’d sing. And when the music started, she took a deep breath, a lingering smile on her lips.

Fun. She was having fun.

 

* * *

 

**_The Hilton Bayfront – July 24 th, 2016, San Diego, US_ **

When Felicity got back from her panel, it was her first year at Nerd HQ and she would most definitely be coming back, she barely had time to take a quick shower and fix her hair a little before there was a knock on her door. She smoothed the invisible wrinkles of her skirt and walked to the door. She quickly glanced at her reflection in the mirror, making sure she looked okay and that nothing was stuck between her teeth – it had happened to one of her co-stars a few years ago and the poor girl had been mocked by everyone in the profession. She took a deep settling breath before, finally, opening the door. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw John Diggle standing in front of her, holding a Big Belly Burger plastic bag. He looked like his usual self, calm and collected and Felicity was brought back to the time where she looked up to him for advice and guidance. Now they were practically strangers. Her night out with her co-stars had helped her relax a bit but when she had gotten back to her hotel room, her nervousness had come back in full-force, stronger than ever and she had tossed and curled in bed all night, unable to sleep. And when finally exhaustion had won over, her dreams had been filled with bright blue eyes and soft lips she hadn’t kissed in years. She’d woken up with a gasp, her heart racing and her sheets damp with sweat.

“John, hey,” she let out as a greeting.

“Hello Felicity,” he replied. “Can I come in?”

“Of course,” she nodded. “Let me help you with this,” she added, gesturing for the bag of food.

“I got you your usual, I hope that’s still your usual,” he said, walking in.

She smiled at the attention and walked to the couch, dropping the bag on the small coffee table placed in front of it.

“I can’t believe you remember what I used to order.” And as she spoke, she opened up the bag, inspecting what was inside and her heart clenched in her chest when she saw that he had gotten her order right even after all these years. “Thank you.”

John just shrugged, as if it didn’t really mean anything but to Felicity it meant everything. Guilt crept in and she realized how unfair she had been to him ever since he had walked back in her life. John had been her friend first and foremost before and she hadn’t treated him as such. She’d do better from now on.

“Come on, have a seat,” she patted the space next to her and he was quick to join her on the couch. “So, how have you been? How’s Lyla?”

“Very pregnant,” he replied, a proud smile on his lips.

“Oh yeah, I read somewhere she was pregnant with baby Diggle number two!” John chuckled at her choice of words. “Do you have pictures of Sara with you?” She asked. “Last time I saw her, she was barely a few months old.”

“And now she’ll be turning six soon,” he said proudly, taking his phone out to show her a few pictures of his daughter Sara.

He told her about his daughter and Felicity listened carefully and asked a lot of questions, out of curiosity and also because she knew that having a parent talk about his child would most likely make them forget about other stuff. Hollywood stuff in that particular case. The look on John’s face when he talked about his daughter was one she’d never seen on his face before, a beautiful mix of pride and unconditional love. And to hear so much about Sara, her first words, her first steps, her little mischiefs… It tugged at something in her heart, a pang of longing and regret that made her throat feel tight. In another life, she’d have had pictures of her own to share.

In another life.

“But what about you Felicity?” John asked, taking his phone away. “How have you been?”

She blinked, chasing away the emotions stirred up by this conversation she thought she’d never have.

“Great,” she replied. “My show’s doing great, my co-stars are great, everything’s great. I’m great,” she concluded, looking down toward her skirt, her nervous hands immediately coming up to smooth the still invisible wrinkles.

“Good. I heard you and Tommy are still pretty close.”

Felicity tensed up at his words, not sure if he was implying anything. A lot of rumors were running around, concerning the true nature of the relationship between actress Felicity Smoak and Hollywood agent Tommy Merlyn. Apparently, friendship between a man and a woman was such a foreign concept to the media, they were seeing things where there was absolutely nothing to see.

“We are. He’s my best friend, my confidant.”

John nodded. “Good.” He paused for a second and Felicity offered him a small smile. “Felicity, I have to be honest with you. I didn’t only come here so that we could catch up, I…”

“I had figured that much already,” she blurted out, interrupting him yet again. “Your question yesterday wasn’t very subtle. You might as well have planted neon signs.”

“Yeah, sorry about that, I was testing the waters. I could tell you weren’t exactly thrilled with the idea.”

“Yeah, not really,” she agreed.

He bent forward and reached for the saddlebag he had brought with him. Felicity dug her nails in her thighs when she saw him get some sort of file out.

A script, it was script.

He handed it to her and she took it, ignoring the urge to throw it away. She knew what it was and she didn’t want it.

“ _The Agency II_

Script by John & Lyla Diggle.”

Why?

Why was he doing this to her?

“I can tell from the look on your face that you don’t want that script Felicity.”

“I really don’t,” she confirmed, her voice shaking.

“Please, give it a try.”

“Why John? It’s been five years since…” Her next words got caught in her throat. She took a deep breath, willing her body to relax. “It’s been five years and I’m finally in a good place.”

“I had no intention of writing this,” John confessed, his voice soft and low, as he was trying to calm her down.

Felicity hated being vulnerable around people, especially because she knew she looked like a crazy woman when her emotions took over, in her defense it wasn’t that easy to look okay with smudged make up, red eyes and puffy cheeks, but she couldn’t pretend around John. He knew too much, had seen everything even before she had.

“I had no intention of writing this but then almost a year ago, this amazing actress I hadn’t seen in years came out of the shadows, her light and talent shining brighter than they ever had. I was touched by that light and I found myself typing and typing and typing.”

“You…”

“I wrote this for you Felicity, yes. You don’t want to go back to Hollywood, I understand. But please Felicity,” he pleaded, reaching for her hand wrapped tightly around the script, “give this a try. You trusted me all those years ago and now, I’m asking you to do it again.”

She stared down at the file in her lap with fear in her eyes. As if it would suddenly turn into a monster and swallow her up. She was barely exaggerating. She knew this had the potential to destroy her. It was why she had been so afraid, why she was still so afraid.

“I know you’ll be in Los Angeles for the Emmys in September. Why don’t you come see me then and we’ll talk about the script.”

He was giving her plenty of time to think about it. To either say yes or no.

“What about…” Her voice wavered. “What about Oliver?”

John didn’t say a word for a while. He just stared at her.

“I can’t make this movie without him. I can’t make it without either of you.”

Felicity nodded. She knew that much.

She pinched her lips together, her eyes falling on the title again.

_“The Agency II”_

She sighed and a shiver ran down her spine. She was suddenly feeling cold and exhausted.

“But if too much time has passed,” John said, “if the two of you have lost what made you great together then… I won’t make that movie. I’ll give up, I promise.”

Felicity shook her head vehemently, the reaction coming from some place deep within her. See, the thought of going back to Hollywood, of seeing Oliver again and make another movie with him was terrifying. It would reopen old wounds that had never fully healed. But the thought of having lost her connection to him forever was unbearable. It would just kill her.

“Just… Just don’t say no because you’re afraid of what will happen if you say yes. You were afraid to say yes once and when you did, I think I did a pretty good job at making you not regret it.”

Felicity pinched her lips tightly. “It’s not that simple anymore John.”

“Was it ever simple where you and Oliver were concerned?”

She paused for a second, pondering his words.

“No, I guess not,” she eventually admitted.

“Then I’ll see you in September.”

“I’ll see you in September,” she agreed.

 


	2. The news

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!
> 
> Back with another chapter! I hope you guys will like it. WARNING (not a trigger warning, I keep those for later, but still big WARNING): Oliver is dating Laurel at this point in the story. Obviously this is an Olicity story but for now he's with Laurel... I promised you angst, I intend to deliver... Just bear with me, things will get better. Eventually. *evil laugh*  
> I wanted to thank all of you for the amazing response the first chapter got! It made me really happy! You guys ROCK!  
> I've come up with a updating schedule: on Mondays I'll be updating my soulmate AU and on Fridays this story. I should be doing that every two or three weeks, depending on how real life treats me!
> 
> Without further delay the chapter...  
> Happy reading!!!

 

And here's the link toward a [tumblr post](http://charlie-leau.tumblr.com/post/158240662908/nobody-else-could-love-you-like-i-do) with some edits I made for the chapter (they'll get cooler as the story goes on)

**Also, I'm inserting flashback scenes from now on so be careful with the date indications :)**

 

* * *

 

**_Oliver Queen’s house – July 24 th, 2016, Beverly Hills, US_ **

 

Oliver woke up alone, to a cold right side of the bed. She had left a while ago. He turned around, opening sleepy eyes and saw it was barely ten in the morning.

That was odd.

Laurel usually never got out of bed before noon on Sundays.

He sat down, scratched the back of his head carelessly. He looked around him, taking in the messy state of his bedroom. Clothes were littered on the floor where they had hurriedly been thrown on the night before. Covers and sheets had been pushed away and were almost completely off the bed. A lamp was lying broken on the floor and he smiled smugly at the memory of the two of them knocking his bedside table in their haste to get to his bed. He reached for his briefs and put them on, satisfied when he felt a bit sore in his shoulders where he knew Laurel had dug her nails, _deep_.

His smile widened.

Make-up sex after a breakup really was the best thing in the world.

He got on his feet and went looking for his on-again girlfriend.

He found her sitting at a table by the pool, a cup of coffee in hands and a scowl on her face. He stopped in his track. She couldn’t have found out about his “thing” with the pink-haired stylist from his new movie, right? Because that would cast one hell of a chill on their freshly rekindled relationship.

“Hey,” he greeted her, shooting her a bright smile.

She barely acknowledged it and remained tensed, even when he leant down to kiss her cheek.

“Are you okay? You have the same look on your face you had when you broke your Loubou-shoe heel.”

“Oh trust me, I would rather have broken my heel again.”

Oliver huffed back a laugh – he knew better than to openly laugh at her when she was like that. Instead, he put his hands on her shoulders and started rubbing circles on her skin left exposed by her untied silky robe. Her muscles were as hard as rocks.

“You’re never going to believe what happened at Comic-Con yesterday.”

“What happened at Comic-Con yesterday?” He asked.

He didn’t stop massaging her even when she didn’t relax under his hands like she usually did.

“Your friend John Diggle crashed Felicity Smoak’s panel.”

He froze in place, his hands stopping their movements. He just stood there, dumbfounded.

She turned around and shot him a glare because of his reaction but he didn’t see it.

His mind was locked on two words, one name.

_Felicity Smoak._

“What?” He whispered.

He heard a laugh he hadn’t heard in a while echo in his ears. It was weak, a memory almost forgotten but it still made him feel a stab of pain in his heart.

“You heard me,” she angrily said. “John Diggle crashed Felicity Smoak’s panel. He asked her about her Hollywood career and now it’s all over the internet! People claim he wants to make a second _Agency_ movie.”

His head was spinning.

He stepped away from her and stumbled in a chair.

“Don’t you think I’d know if there was a second _Agency_ movie in preparation?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask your good friend John Diggle?” She shot back.

Oliver rubbed his temples, feeling a headache form. He needed to shut it out, quickly.

“Why do you care about this so much? There are a million reasons why John could have come to Felicity and ask her about her Hollywood career.”

“Perhaps,” Laurel admitted, her lips pinched in a very thin line. “But when someone asked him about a possible new _Agency_ movie, he didn’t deny it.”

Oliver’s heart skipped a beat. “Did he confirm it?”

The question quickly escaped him.

Maybe too quickly…

Laurel’s eyes widened. “Oh my god, you’re actually excited about this.”

He frowned. “What? I didn’t say that!”

“Oh but you don’t have to, I can see it in your eyes.”

He crossed his arms over his chest in a defense move. “Well, what if I’m excited? That movie launched my career, remember?”

“I don’t want of that girl in our life, okay?”

There was so much venom in the way she said “ _that girl”_ Oliver had to repress an actual shiver.

“It’s already bad enough that we’re going to see her at the Emmys… I don’t want her in our life!” She shook her head. “I can’t believe she got a nomination.”

Oliver clenched his jaw. It wasn’t the first time Laurel was saying that and each time it made him internally cringe.

“Laurel,” he started, eager to calm her down.

“People are still falling for her holier-than-thou looks but I know someone who knew her back when she was working in Vancouver and she was higher than the Empire State Building all the freaking time. So much for being such a perfect little actress.” She rolled her eyes in disgust.

Oliver clenched his jaw and bit back a nasty reply. He didn’t believe that for a second. Felicity had never been that kind of person. She had never drunk too much at parties, never smoked a cigarette. He was sure she had never done drugs, it just wasn’t her. His Felicity would never have done do that to herself.

 _“She’s not your Felicity anymore_ ,” a voice in his head reminded him.

Yeah right…

It wasn’t like he knew her anymore.

Meaning perhaps Laurel was right. His heart soared in his chest, protesting. She couldn’t be right. But if she was indeed right, big if, Laurel had had her fair share of days where she had been “ _higher than the Empire State Building_ ” meaning that she had no right to judge Felicity whatsoever. But he knew if he ever told her that, it would blow up in his face. He didn’t care if they broke up again – the make-up sex really was _great_ – but it wasn’t like Felicity Smoak deserved to be defended, especially not by him.

And yet, here he was mentally defending her.

Pathetic much?

“You know, you kind of sound like you are jealous or something.”

She smacked the table so hard her cup of coffee trembled and drops of coffee landed on the glass.

“Me? Jealous of Felicity Smoak?” She laughed dryly. “I don’t think so.”

“Great,” Oliver replied. “She’s got nothing on you, you know that?”

He knew it was exactly what his girlfriend needed to hear when she smirked proudly. But still, he felt terrible the instant the words passed his lips. And then he felt stupid for feeling terrible. He had no reason to feel sorry for saying that, it wasn’t like he was betraying her or anything.

 _“No, you’ve already done that_ ,” said the voice in his head.

He gripped the armrests of his chair so tight his fingers turned white and he felt a tingling sensation.

“You’re cute,” Laurel said, getting up to kiss his cheek. “But you’re still going to call your friend and ask him what the hell is going on,” she said, running a hand through his hair.

Oliver shook his head. “I’m not going to call him.”

“Oh yes you are,” Laurel shot back, sounding angry again.

“No! If he has something to say to me, he’ll do it. I’m not going to call him just because of some _rumors_.”

“But what about me?” She asked.

“I’m not going to call him because you’re just being stupid, seeing problems where there are none,” he replied without thinking.

That was just too bad because if he had thought about it for two more seconds, he would have realized it was the wrong thing to say.

“I’m being stupid because it bothers me that my boyfriend is going to shoot a movie with his ex-girlfriend?”

“Fiancée,” he corrected without thinking and if eyes were rifles, he’d have ended up with a dozen bullet holes in his chest. And that annoyed him, a lot, because whether Laurel liked it or not, he had been engaged to Felicity Smoak and he wasn’t going to act like he never had been. He felt his skin prickle, anger simmering beneath the surface.

“Whatever!” She yelled.

He clenched his fists, his headache intensifying.

Honestly, he would have preferred if Laurel had found out about his thing with the stylist. She was used to his slipups – although technically when the pink-haired woman had shown him she wasn’t just good at styling hair, they had been on their umpteenth break – Oliver had stopped counting after the eleventh – so it wasn’t like he had done anything wrong. And either way, it didn’t really matter how much he played around, Laurel always took him back. But there was one thing she couldn’t get used to and it was his past. She couldn’t get used to the idea that she was coming after Felicity Smoak. And that was just too bad, because there was nothing he could do about that. He had met Felicity first, loved her first and she had been the first woman to ever break his heart.

“You know what? I’m out of here,” Laurel abruptly said. “Call me when you come back to your senses!”

“Yeah right, close the door on your way out!” He told her, not really caring that they had had yet another fight.

Once she was out of sight, he thrust his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes hard until he saw black spots dance behind his closed eyelids. He exhaled slowly, suddenly feeling exhausted, wary. Not because of his argument with Laurel, no, Oliver wasn’t deluded. He knew his relationship with Laurel was bound to fail eventually. They’d never work out, never make it to the finish line. They’d keep breaking up and making up, unable to break the unhealthy circle they’d gotten themselves into. Oliver couldn’t even say it was a circle of pain and heartbreaks. He didn’t love Laurel and he was pretty sure she didn’t love him either. But they fit together, they made sense and the sex wasn’t too bad so they tried to make it work. Even though it was true, Oliver wasn’t trying that hard.

But he did try a little bit, because he couldn’t bring himself to see the relationship that had cost him the love of his life fail miserably.

He reached for his phone out of instinct and opened Twitter. His notifications had blown during the night. He scrolled down and quickly realized that Laurel hadn’t lied when she had told him Diggle’s visit to Felicity was all over the internet. The _Agency II_ was actually trending! He quickly clicked, to see what people were saying exactly. His jaw almost dropped at the enthusiasm and passion of the fans, which hadn’t diminished a bit even seven years after the first movie had first come out.

 

“ **Peter**

**@AnEnglishGuy**

**The Agency II**?? Count me IN!

1:07 AM – 24 Jul 16”

\--

“ **Cathy Evans**

**@PinkBarbie**

THEY’RE MAKING **THE AGENCY II**???? Please, let it be true!

11:07 PM – 23 Jul 16”

\--

“ **A Twitto**

**@RandomTwitto**

GIMME **THE AGENCY II**!!! (Honestly, I’d pay to make that movie happen)

11:46 PM – 23 Jul 2016”

\--

“ **TaylorIsMyQueen**

**@TayTay27**

**The Agency II** is trending… Are they really making that movie? (Say yes!!)

1:48 AM – 24 Jul 16”

\--

 

Oliver leant back in his chair.

What the hell was going on? Was there really a second movie to _The Agency_ in prep? If yes, why hadn’t Diggle talked to him about it? He ran a shaking hand through his hair. His anger was gone now and confusion had replaced it. Maybe he’d have been sad to see he didn’t care enough about Laurel for his anger to linger after she was out of sight but he didn’t even acknowledge the abrupt change of his feelings. He could only think about Diggle, the movie as memories from a long time were coming back to him.

What the fuck was going on?

He had no idea.

And what about Felicity? Did she know anything about this? What was she thinking? Had she said anything? Did he even care about her? Did he even want to know?

The answer came immediately.

Yes, he cared.

Yes, he wanted to know.

He took a deep breath and did something he had forbidden himself to do since his breakup with his long-time girlfriend / fiancée Felicity Smoak five years ago.

He clicked on “search” and typed her name.

The first tweet, the top tweet, was one she had posted the previous day.

 

“ **Felicity Smoak**

**@AnotherBlonde**

**@BarryAllen** I think they’re watching us!!

5:32 PM – 23 Jul 16”

 

She had attached a picture of her, arm-in-arm with a dark haired guy, and Oliver spotted the crowd of people attending what he quickly guessed was the panel for their TV-show at Comic-Con.  She was wearing a white dress and her blonde locks were falling on her shoulders. Her cheeks were pink and there was a bright light in her blue eyes…

Happy.

She looked happy.

The guy, one of her co-stars he assumed, was holding the camera with his hand and he had thrown his other arm over her shoulders. His hand was falling loosely at her side and she was holding it with her free hand. They looked close. He had a happy grin on his face that reached his ears and matched hers.

A pang of nostalgia hit him.

Her smile… Her smile was just like he remembered.

Perfect.

He hadn’t seen that smile in a very long time but still he scrolled down quickly, unable to watch her face a minute longer, her stupid happy face that made him want to do stupid things like kiss the stupid tip of her cute button nose.

 

“ **Cisco Ramon**

@TheRamon

 **@BarryAllen** \+ **@AnotherBlonde** \+ mojitos = ¡FUEGO!

12:53 AM – 24 Jul 16”

 

He clicked on the video attached to the tweet.

At first he saw the empty stage of a dimly lit bar and the crowd was chanting a name.

_“Felicity, Felicity, Felicity!”_

Then the guy holding the camera moved and suddenly he saw her, blonde curls that used to be brown cascading down her shoulders, her lips pinched into a pout he used to kiss away. She stuck her tongue at the camera before glaring at a girl sitting next to her who just wouldn’t stop giggling. Then the dark-haired guy from the picture, or boy really, leaned toward her – the crowd was too loud and Oliver didn’t catch what he told her but it earned him a fierce glare from her too. Then, she got on her feet and grabbed the guy’s (boy?) shirt. The cameraman – a certain Cisco Ramon according to Twitter – followed them as they got on stage, the crowd cheering and whistling encouragements to them. The guy whispered something in the shell of her ear and she laughed at whatever it was that he had said.

Oliver pressed pause right then, unable to keep watching.

Even after five years, it still hurt like hell to see her.

To watch her smile but not be the cause of it.

To hear her talk but not to him.

To see her walk but not toward him.

Oliver had spent the last five years of his life hating her, resenting her, being mad at her for what how she’d left him. And whenever he would see her face, he’d feel only anger. Raw and burning. But in this moment, when he was seeing her again, truly, surrounded by friends and loved ones and she was not only a distant picture in a magazine, he felt pain. The kind that burnt and stung and throbbed all at the same time. The kind that made him want to close his eyes and never open them again, that made him want to run away and never come back, the kind that made him want to forget and never remember.

But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t forget.

He couldn’t forget her, never.

He couldn’t forget how her body felt pressed against his in the early hours of the morning, when she was still fast asleep and shades of pink were starting to appear in the dark sky. He couldn’t forget how her smile felt against his lips when he kissed her slowly, tenderly, just a brush of his lips against hers that reminded her that he loved her with all his heart. He couldn’t forget how their noses would rub before they parted after a kiss, just to prolong the moment for one more second because breaking their connection was just too painful. He couldn’t forget how she looked when she was wearing his shirt and nothing else or how she would pin her hair in a messy bun of curls on top of her head when she was working on something or how her smile would never falter even after she’d failed at making yet another omelet.

He just couldn’t forget.

He pressed play again, the ache in his heart dull.

He heard people screaming song’s titles and Felicity motioned for the guy standing next to her to pick one. Oliver paid no attention to his choice, his eyes riveted on Felicity. She had still been very young when they had broken up, and he was impressed with how much she had grown over the years. Gone was the girl he had held in his arms. She had been replaced by a beautiful woman who wore platform heels that made her legs seem to go on forever, black leather skirts just a tiny bit too short and crop tops that exposed the perfect creamy skin he had scattered kisses on whenever he had had the opportunity.  

He didn’t hear the music when it started, didn’t hear the guy sing. He only saw the happy looks he sent to Felicity, happy looks that she returned with that beautiful smile of hers that used to make his day better, brighter. He saw them bump hips, laugh together, their complicity plain as day.

It had been five years since they had broken up but he still felt like he had been stabbed in the heart.

Was he her boyfriend? Was he the guy who had taken his place? Did he fall asleep every night holding her in his arms? Was he the one who kissed her pain away? Who brought that special content smile on her face? Did she wore those devilish outfits for him? Because he was the one she allowed to touch her, love her.

He let go of his phone, overwhelmed by the thoughts the simple sight of her had triggered. He sighed heavily and that’s when he heard her voice.

_“…_

_Every now and then I think you might want me to come show up at your door_

_But I’m just too afraid that I’ll be wrong_

_…”_

His lower lip trembled and then he was truly gone, caught in a swirl of memories.

* * *

**_The Parker’s Theatre – March 11 th, 2008, Los Angeles, US_ **

The day had been a long and exhausting one and not exactly what Oliver had expected when John Diggle, a famous indie movies’ director, had come to him a script in hand and a big confident smile on his lips. It hadn’t taken long for Oliver to say yes. He was a small actor, who had played in more B-movies than he could remember but he had never been one to turn down a great opportunity when he saw one. The moment John Diggle had walked in his life, Oliver had known he’d change his life. He had known he was his ticket for something else, something better. He’d been aware the road toward something else would be long and complicated and he’d been ready to give it everything he had to give.

But he hadn’t seen the long days spent auditioning countless young women to find the perfect actress to play his female counterpart in the movie coming.

The auditions had been going on for four days now and Oliver was slowly losing his mind. The movie was supposed to rely on the relationship between his character and his female partner and Oliver was starting to realize that natural chemistry wasn’t something you could just order as you wished. He had been on stage with more young women than he could count and he hadn’t been able to connect with a single one of them.

And he was sick of it.

Even John Diggle had seemed a bit discouraged at the end of the day and it had slightly worried Oliver. What if the problem didn’t come from the girls but from him? What if he wasn’t that much of an actor? What if what John saw in him wasn’t really there? What if he decided to fire him? What would become of him then? Would he have the strength to play yet again in another chick flick?

He doubted it.

He sighed, walking around the theatre they rented for the auditions, looking for his jacket. He had lost it at some point during the day and really wanted to find it, as it was his lucky charm. Only good, very good, things had happened to him when he had been wearing that particular jacket. It was actually why he had started wearing it to go to the auditions, he had been hoping the jacket would help him find his partner.

It hadn’t.

And now he had lost it.

He couldn’t lose his lucky jacket. He just couldn’t.

He was about to give up when he heard something. He paused and listened carefully.

Piano.

Intrigued, he pushed the doors open and walked back in the theatre with the traditional red seats. He saw a girl on stage, her small hands dancing on the keyboard of the piano. Dark curls were masking her face but he recognized her outfit, she was one of John Diggle’s assistants, Felicia something. She was so lost in whatever she was playing, she hadn’t heard him come in. He was about to turn around and walk away when he heard her.

_“Sometimes I wonder_

_Where I’ve been_

_Who I am, do I fit in?_

_Make-believing is hard alone,_

_Out here, on my own…”_

Her voice wasn’t loud but there was a certain beauty to it, one he found himself drawn to. Quickly, he crossed the distance between them. But unfortunately, he had overestimated her concentration. She noticed him and startled, she quickly removed her hands from the keyboard and got on her feet, looking like a child who had been caught doing something they shouldn’t have been doing. She bumped in the bench in her haste to get away from the piano and fell on her ass on the floor.

Oliver’s eyes widened and he rushed to her side.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” He asked worriedly, holding out a hand for her to take but she was already leaning on the bench to get back on her feet.

She turned toward him, pushing her glasses back up on her nose. When her eyes met his, they widened and her jaw dropped. Her lower lip trembled a bit and before Oliver could say anything a stream of words fell from her lips.

“Oh my god, this is not what you think it is. Not that you’d think much of it,” her eyes which were a sharp blue, widened even more behind her square glasses. “I’m not implying you’re not much a thinker, what I actually meant is that there isn’t anything to think, like at all.” She chuckled nervously. “But if you were to think anything about this,” she gestured at herself and the piano and Oliver watched her, a smile threatening to take over his face, “let me tell you that you’re wrong. I swear to God I was just taking a two-minute break and the piano was there and I mean look at this beauty who could resist it? No one, right? I just _had_ to play but I swear I was working before and I was planning to get back to work ASAP. You know what? I’m going to get back to it right about now and pretend this never happened.”

In spite of his best efforts, a smile stretched Oliver’s lips and he felt warmth spread in his stomach.

“You’re the coffee girl, right? Felicia…?” He started hesitantly.

“Felicity,” she correctly dryly and her tone stung a little bit.

“Yeah right. How come you’re still working? The day’s over,” he pointed out, scratching the back of his head.

She looked down, playing with the hem of her flannel shirt. “One of the actresses lost her phone and I was asked to stay behind and find it.”

Oliver tilted his head to look at her better. She was small, very small, she could barely reach his shoulders and looked fairly young. Her cheeks still held a hint of that roundness most children lost when they hit puberty. Her skin was ivory, creating a stark contrast with her lips that she had painted a bright pink color. She felt his lingering gaze on her and looked up, her arms crossed defensively over her chest. His heart leapt in his chest without his consent when their eyes met. Dark brown curls framed her face and her bright blue eyes that spoke of maturity and intelligence were hidden behind square glasses. She wasn’t anything special, he realized, and most definitely _not_ his type – he was more into tall and slim women – and yet, for some reasons, he found himself drawn to her. There was something in her eyes, a light that called to him and if the way he was leaning toward her was any indication, he was unable to resist it.

“I’m Oliver,” he said and immediately felt dumb because of course she knew who he was.

She eyed his hand suspiciously. “I know who you are, you’re Mr. Queen,” she replied, her tone acid.

He winced at the name. “No, my father is Mr. Queen. I’m just Oliver.”

“Well, just Oliver, what are you still doing here if you don’t mind me asking? The day’s over.”

He chuckled at the words she was sending right back at him.

“Well, I’m looking for my jacket, I’ve lost it,” he explained.

“Oh,” she said. “Want me to look for it? So you can go home.”

“Are you so eager to get rid of me?” He teased her.

She pinched her lips together tightly as if she was holding herself back.

“Maybe we could look for that phone and my jacket together?” He suggested.

She frowned.

“Why are you being so nice?” She asked.

“Maybe because I’m a nice person?” He said tentatively and his words drew a small smile on her face, one that was shy but honest and it made him feel warm things in his chest he decided to pay no attention to.

“You’re something else Mr…. Oliver,” she caught herself right on time.

“Just Oliver,” he teased her.

She rolled her eyes at him. “Fine _just_ Oliver. You _really_ are something else.”

“You have no idea,” he replied, giving her a small wink.

She frowned again, her smile fading. It bothered him for some reasons.

“Are you flirting with me?” She asked.

He huffed. “What if I was?”

“Okay, now you’re flirting with me!”

He raised his hands up. “Guilty but it was too tempting.”

“Could you please stop?” She very politely asked, moving away from the piano and getting off the stage to start looking for the lost items. He followed right after her, intrigued by her.

“Sure,” he agreed easily, surprising himself. Women always flirted back with him, when they were not throwing themselves at him and he was always there to catch them and lead them to bed.

But not her, not Felicity.

She was something else too.

“So, you’re a musician?” He asked after a moment of silent searching.

“Only in my dreams,” she replied, her voice sounding weird since she was bent over to look under the seats. He really, really tried not to stare at her ass but his eyes were immediately attracted to it as he realized that her jeans didn’t look that bad _at all_ on her. “And since dreams don’t pay bills, I bring coffees to actors and actresses with an oversized ego and terrible manners.”

Oliver flinched at her words.

“You seem to have a very low opinions of actors,” he pointed out, walking away to look under another row of seats and also because he really needed to get away from her if he wanted to get some searching done and not just stare at her _spectacular_ backside.

“That would be correct,” she agreed. “But you just made my opinion of actors climb a bit higher,” she confessed and he almost bumped his head in his haste to get up.

“What?”

She shrugged.

“It’s like I told you, you’re something else.”

“I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean,” he confessed, almost shyly.

“I do.”

He frowned, taken aback by her words.

Blue met blue when they stared at each other from across the room and Oliver had to suppress a shiver when electricity ran down his spine and made the tips of his fingers tingle. He felt something coil inside of him, something nice and warm, something he hadn’t felt in a very long time. He didn’t dare look away from her, from fear that the pleasant feeling would disappear, and she didn’t look away from him either. They kept staring at the other, each passing second making the tension in the room thicker.

He hadn’t realized he had taken a step toward her until he kicked in something on the floor. The sound echoed loudly in the empty room, breaking their connection.

He looked down.

“Found the phone,” he said, picking it up.

“Found your jacket,” she replied, her voice tight. He looked up and watched her as she gathered his jacket from under a seat.

They both smiled at each other and Oliver hurried to her side, suddenly feeling nervous.

“There,” he said, handing her the phone.

“Thank you,” she replied taking it from him. “And there you go,” she added.

Their hands brushed when he took his jacket from her and he had to fight the urge to grab her hand, if only to make sure that she was real and not a hallucination. They stood there, not close enough to touch, but close enough for him to smell the strawberry scent of her shampoo, close enough for him to notice the small freckles on her nose.

She smiled nervously at him, awkwardly shifting her weight on her feet.

“So, you have what you came for,” she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I do,” he replied, his eyes locked on hers.

He should have taken a step back.

He should have left.

But he didn’t.

He stayed close to her, completely fascinated by her which was unusual. Women were fascinated with him, not the other way around. And yet, the more he looked at this girl, at _Felicity_ , the more he wanted to know about her. She didn’t look anything special and yet, he felt that she was. Who was she? Where did she come from? What was her story?

He wanted to know everything about her.

Everything and more.

And maybe share a little about himself too, which was just downright crazy.

She nervously bit on her lower lip and it stirred something in him. Before he knew it, he was leaning toward her when suddenly, a throat was cleared somewhere behind them, startling them both. Oliver glanced up and saw John Diggle staring at them from afar.

“What are you two still doing here?” He asked.

Felicity blushed and stepped away from Oliver, much to his displeasure.

“I was looking for my jacket,” he explained, showing the piece of clothing.

“And I was looking for a phone,” Felicity said, her voice small.

“I see,” John said, an undecipherable look on his face.

He made his way toward them, his eyes full of wisdom mixed with a little mystery. Oliver didn’t know what was going on in his mind half of the time, but it always led to the greatest things.

“Felicity right?” John Diggle said, extending his hand toward her.

She took it after a few seconds of hesitation. “That’s it Mr. Diggle.”

“Felicity, will you do me a favor?”

She nodded shyly and Oliver watched the scene unfold in silence.

“Sure, what is it?”

“Could you,” John Diggle opened his bag and got a file out of it, “learn this for tomorrow please?”

Oliver’s eyes widened when he recognized the script actresses who were auditioning had had to learn.

“Why- why are you asking me this?”

“Just trust me Felicity.”

But Felicity, Oliver was starting to realize, had a strong mind of her own, carefully hidden behind her small and fragile appearance.

“Is this some sort of a joke?” She asked.

A smile threatened to appear on John Diggle’s lips.

“No,” he assured her. “Just trust me please?”

She nodded reluctantly.

“Now go home and be here tomorrow at ten, okay?”

“But I start at…”

“Ten,” Diggle cut her off. “Please.”

She nodded, her lips sealed in a pout and with a frown on her face.

“Okay… See you tomorrow then.”

Oliver watched her leave before he turned to John Diggle who was looking at him expectantly.

“She’s not an actress,” he stated simply.

“No she isn’t,” John agreed.

“You can’t be seriously thinking about hiring her,” he went on.

“I can and I am. You didn’t see what I saw.”

“Maybe I felt it,” he replied without thinking.

John Diggle smiled. “I’m sure you did.”

Oliver sighed heavily, and he unconsciously tightened his grip around the fabric of his jacket.

“What’s wrong Oliver? The two of you seemed to get along just fine.”

“I don’t date my co-stars,” he let out.

John Diggle shot him a surprised look. “I wasn’t aware you dated.”

Oliver rolled his eyes at him.

“You don’t date your co-stars, but you’d date the coffee girl. I thought you had a model standard going on.”

Oliver shrugged.

“She’s something else,” he just said, putting his jacket on – his lucky charm.

“That she is,” Diggle nodded.  

 

* * *

 

**_Present time…_ **

 

Oliver was torn away from his memories by the shrilling sound of his phone’s ringtone. He sighed when he saw the caller ID.

John Diggle.

He should have expected it.

“Dig,” he said, picking up.

_“Hi Oliver! You good?”_

“Yep, you?”

The two of them had grown closer over the years and were now familiar with each other. Oliver ate dinner with the Diggles regularly.

_“Excellent. Listen, I wanted to talk to you about…”_

“Are you making a second _Agency_ movie?” Oliver cut him off abruptly, wanting, no scratch that, _needing_ to know.

There was silence on the other side of the line.

_“So you heard the rumors.”_

“Yeah I did.”

 _“I was hoping to talk to you_ before _you heard about them. In my defense, you’re rarely up before noon on Sunday.”_

“Dig,” Oliver warned him.

 _“Yeah, right sorry. I’m not making a second_ Agency _movie. I wrote a script and it could potentially lead to a second_ Agency _movie, depending on a few things.”_

Oliver’s heart skipped a beat in his chest.

So the rumors were true.

It took him a moment to say.

“Potentially?”

_“Yeah, listen Oliver, I’m going to meet with Felicity later and then I’ll come back to LA. Maybe we could talk about this in person, around a beer preferably?”_

“You’re going to see Felicity?”

_“That’s all you got from what I said?”_

Oliver rolled his eyes at his obvious teasing and shook his head.

“I have beers in my fridge,” he said. “See you tomorrow?”

_“Yeah, see you tomorrow!”_

He hung up.

“Well, shit,” Oliver said, rubbing a hand over his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW the story's title comes from a song by This Wild Life named Better With You. The song is 100% Olicity in this story, so I highly recommend you listen to it!
> 
> So, what did you guys think?  
> Don't hesitate to tell me in a review or leave a kudo. They both make me incredibly happy!
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/JustineC_M  
> and Tumblr: http://charlie-leau.tumblr.com/  
> Don't be afraid to come and talk to me. I don't bite! :)


	3. The reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!!
> 
> SURPRISE!!!  
> An early update!  
> Chapter 2 and chapter 3 are connected and that's why I'm updating the story tonight, I don't want too much time to pass between the two updates. Besides things are getting crazy at uni, I'm two weeks away from being on vacation but they'll be pretty intense meaning I probably won't have time to update either of my stories! So update tonight while I still can.  
> WARNING!! Oliver is still with Laurel.... Bear with me!  
> Thank you guys for the amazing response I got for this story. The comments and the kudos... They mean a lot to me! Thank you!
> 
> Happy reading!

The link toward the [tumblr post](http://charlie-leau.tumblr.com/post/158525321438/nobody-else-could-love-you-like-i-do), with an edit I made, set in the flashback! I hope you guys will like it!

** As usual be careful with the date indications because of the flashback! **

 

* * *

 

**_Oliver Queen’s house – 25 th July, 2016, Beverly Hills, US                              _ **

****

Oliver was nervous. Which was stupid when he thought about it because he had no reason whatsoever to be nervous.

And yet his palms were sweaty, his heart was beating faster than it should and his legs felt like jelly.

Nervous, he was nervous.

He had been nervous ever since he had hung up his phone after his call with John Diggle. He had been nervous since he had realized there could be another _Agency_ movie, since he had realized he could potentially be reunited with Felicity Smoak. And by reunited, he meant reunited _on-screen_ , not romantically. But still. Not even at night had he dared dream of that day. And now the opportunity was there and he had no idea how it made him feel.

Oliver knew he was really excited about making the movie. The first _Agency_ movie had changed the course of both his life and his career and Felicity… Felicity had been the best partner he could have ever asked for. They had completed each other, both on-screen and off-screen, in ways he hadn’t thought possible. Together they had taken the weight of the movie on their shoulders and they had brought it to the Oscars and it had been the most amazing journey he had ever been a part of. And falling in love with her… It had been the best part of it all. But seeing her again after all this time, after everything that had happened between them, was going to be hard. Their breakup had been so messy and they had hurt each other so bad… He couldn’t even think about her without feeling his heart throb in his chest. What would happen when he saw her again?

Oliver wasn’t deluded. He knew their love had faded away.

But the thing was, they hadn’t seen each other since that fateful night where she had given him the ring back. So in a way, they hadn’t witnessed the changes between them. They had just felt them. Lived them.

So… Would he be able to look into her eyes and not see love?

Would he be able to listen to her voice and not hear “I love yous” falling from her lips?

Could he handle the anger and resentment that would probably meet him?

He doubted it.

And if he couldn’t handle seeing her again, how could he shoot a movie with her?

How could he do a good job when he was mad at her? Mad for all the things she had done and for all the things she hadn’t done?

He had no idea.

But the worst part was that he wasn’t only mad at her. He was also mad at himself. He knew he had his fair share of responsibility in their breakup and not seeing her for the past five years had helped him avoid thinking about his own mistakes. He knew he had screwed up, _big time_ , but he had done his best to bury those memories deep inside him so that he wouldn’t have to face them. But in spite of that, he had still been angry.

So very angry.

And he had focused all that dark anger on _her._

After all, it had been easier to blame her than to blame himself.

Would it still be so easy when he was around her?

Or would he be forced to embrace his own guilt?

Just the thought of it made his skin crawl.

He knew nothing would be easy around her. Their relationship had been intense. They had been so tangled up in each other, it had become impossible to tell where he ended and where she started. Their love had been deep and raw. Unadulterated and passionate. The kind of love that could fade away but never entirely disappear.

There would always be some lingering feelings between them.

He knew that because there was always this happy flutter in his stomach whenever he heard her name. And he hated his heart for that. He hated his heart because no matter how much time he had spent being mad at her, no matter how much he wanted to just hate her, he simply couldn’t. Some part of him still cared about her.

And that was dangerous, very dangerous.

Because he knew deep down his pain and his anger didn’t hold a candle to the love that he once had for her.

Falling in love with her had been really easy the first time. And though nothing would be easy between them this time, he knew falling for her again might just be.

And that was the only reason he felt so scared.

Maybe he wasn’t afraid to see their love gone. Maybe he wasn’t afraid of his anger.

Maybe, just maybe, he was afraid he’d fall right back in.  

He had spent the rest of his Sunday in a haze, unable to function properly. His every thought had been solely focused on his upcoming conversation with Diggle, the second _Agency_ movie and Felicity. He hadn’t even spared a thought for Laurel or their argument and had pushed the both of them in the back of his mind.

The sound of his doorbell had him press pause on his TV remote and get up to open the door.

“Diggle hey!” Oliver greeted him, stepping aside so that his friend could walk in. “Come in, you know the house.”

Diggle’s lips stretched into a smile. “Oliver, how are you?” He replied, shaking his hand energetically.

“Good, great,” Oliver said, running a nervous hand through his hair. “You?”

“I’m fine. Lyla and Sara wants me to tell you that you’ve been sorely missed and need to come have dinner with us as soon as possible.”

“I know I’m sorry,” Oliver apologized as they moved toward the living room. “My schedule has been pretty hectic lately… Once it settles, I’ll come by and we’ll have dinner, just the four of us.”

“Let’s hope it’ll be sooner rather than later otherwise it’ll be the five of us!”

Oliver frowned. “Wait… I thought Lyla wasn’t due before October.”

“She isn’t,” Diggle confirmed.

Oliver sighed in relief. “You got me scared for a second… I’m sure I’ll have some time to come by before October,” he said.”

“You better…” His voice trailed off when he noticed the movie Oliver had been watching while waiting for him.

_The Agency._

Oliver scratched the back of his head, trying to decipher the expression on his friend’s face. They had gotten close over the years but there was still that mysterious aura around Diggle that Oliver had difficulties to understand. It was part of the man and he had accepted that a long time ago.

“I needed to watch it,” he attempted to justify himself.

When he had started dating Laurel, she had banned the movie from their existence and Oliver, who had been eager to let go off all the things that reminded him of Felicity and their story together, had let her do it. But that morning… That morning, he had woken up after dreaming of Felicity Smoak and for the first time in years it hadn’t been a bad dream, the kind that left him sweaty, with aching limbs and a throbbing heart. It had been a sweet, peaceful dream, mixed with memories from a time that was long gone. Her blonde hair, he had only known her as a brunette but her dyed hair hadn’t escaped his attention the previous day, had been tucked in a messy bun on top of her head and she had been wearing an oversized shirt, one he suspected must have belonged to him. She had been sitting on a bench in front of a piano, her small fingers softly caressing the keys. Ray of lights had been coming through the curtains forming a golden halo around her. He remembered reaching for her, aiming at the patch of skin the collar of his shirt had left exposed for his curious fingers to explore.

But he had woken up before he could touch her.

It had been very early, around five in the morning but he had known he wouldn’t be able to sleep again. So instead of chasing her in his sleep, he had chased her in real life. He had binged watch the eighteen episodes of her show, something he had forbidden himself to do until then. He had drunk her in, her face, her eyes, her voice, her everything. He had tried to learn her all over again but it was difficult when she was barely more than an image on his TV-screen. Still, he had noticed all the differences between that woman and his girl. It had made his heart ache for the old Felicity Smoak, for _his_ Felicity, and so he had put on their movie. _The Agency._

He was stupidly sentimental that way.

What a fool.

“How was she?”

The word fell from his lips before he could catch them.

Really? That was what he was going with? He had like a dozen questions for John and the first thing he asked him was how she was.

Again what a fool.

And Diggle must have found that odd too because he raised one of his eyebrows in surprise.

“She was… different,” he eventually said. “But in the meantime, she was still Felicity,” he added and Oliver nodded, his heart soaring in his chest at his words. It was the most he had heard about her in five years and yet it wasn’t nearly enough.

“What do you mean?” He couldn’t help but ask. Apparently, he wasn’t just a fool. He was a greedy one.

“You know Oliver, we live in the 21rst century and we’re blessed with great inventions, like social media, or even better smartphones, both things you can use to get in touch with people. If you want to know about Felicity, I suggest you give her a call.”

Oliver chuckled dryly. “I doubt she’d answer me.”

“You won’t know for sure until you try,” Diggle replied, sitting down on the couch.

He had a point there but Oliver wasn’t about to give it to him. Besides, he wasn’t even sure he wanted to know more about Felicity. He was just being a foolish sentimental idiot.

“I’ll go get the beers,” he said, hoping that when he got back, the topic would have been buried.

When he came back, Diggle had dropped a file on the coffee table.

A script.

Oliver handed him a beer and opened one for himself, slowly even though he was itching to reach for the script and read it. He took a sip savoring the taste of the cold drink on his tongue before he set his bottle away. Then, he grabbed the file.

“ _The Agency II_

Script by John & Lyla Diggle.”

His heart skipped a beat when he saw the title. His head spun and he had to clench his fists to stop his hands from trembling. Suddenly, everything was becoming real. Until now, it had all been speculations. But now, now, he was holding an actual script. It was real.

They were going to make a second movie.

He caressed the black ink with the tip of his fingers, slowly almost reverently.

“John and Lyla Diggle?” He read.

He couldn’t say he was surprised. He was close enough to the Diggles to know Lyla was John’s wife and his partner in everything, whether it was writing or directing.

John’s reply was short but clear. “I struggled with a few scenes, she helped me out.”

Oliver sighed and ran a hand over his face.

“Why John?” He asked. “Why now?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know…” He started but Oliver cut him off immediately.

“Oh come on, you’re John Diggle. You never do anything without a good reason.”

He chuckled and took a sip of his beer. “You know me too well.” He paused for a second then confessed. “It was Felicity. When I saw her in her show, it just came to me.”

Oliver arched an eyebrow. “It just came to you?” He repeated.

Diggle nodded. “Yeah, the whole story.”

“So you wrote this for her,” Oliver said, putting the script back on his coffee table.

He shook his head. “I wrote this _because_ of her,” he corrected. “It’s for the two of you. But what, are you jealous?” He teased him and Oliver rolled his eyes at him in reply.

“What do you mean you wrote this for the two of us?”

Diggle smiled mysteriously in a typical Diggle way and it annoyed Oliver more than anything. “You’ll understand when you read the script.” That was also a very typical Diggle answer.

“What about Felicity?” Oliver asked. “Does she want to make the movie? She didn’t seem thrilled to see you in San Diego.”

“She wasn’t thrilled indeed,” Diggle admitted but Oliver could tell from the look on his face he wouldn’t reveal more. He got the message loud and clear. If he wanted to know about Felicity, he’d have to ask her directly. “But Oliver, just because I wrote a script, it doesn’t mean there’s going to be a movie.”

Oliver frowned in confusion. “What?”

“Well, it’s like I told Felicity. If too much time has passed, if too much has happened between the two of you, if you’ve lost what made you great together…” His voice trailed off and Oliver’s heart skipped a beat. “I won’t make that movie,” John concluded.

Oliver felt like he had been punched right in the gut. Fear filled his veins and a rush of blood came up to his head. He hadn’t really thought about it before but maybe Diggle had a point here. What if too much time had passed indeed? What if too much had happened between them? What if they had lost their connection, that amazing chemistry that had first burnt them before consuming them altogether? The thought filled him with dread. No, it was impossible. It just couldn’t be. Some feelings were still lingering after five years, even after all the pain and the hatred, so of course, some of their connection had to still be lingering too.

There had to be something left.

When he looked up, he saw that Diggle was smiling.

“What’s the smile for?” He asked, his voice harsher than he intended it to be.

“She had the same panicked look on her face when I told her that.”

Oliver frowned. “What am I supposed to understand?”

Diggle shook his head. “Come on Oliver, it’s not fun if I do all the work for you. You’re smart, you don’t need me to spell it out for you.”

Oliver opened his mouth to insist but stopped himself before the words could pass his lips. This, right here, was how Diggle had always acted. He would see more that what he was comfortable sharing, preferring to let people figure things out all by themselves. It could be frustrating but Oliver couldn’t deny it was helpful.

“In the meantime,” Diggle went on, “read the script. Felicity promised she’d get back in touch with me when she comes for the Emmys in September so you can take your time.”

Oliver nodded. “It’s funny,” he said. “You didn’t even ask me if I wanted to make the movie.”

“As if I needed to,” his friend replied.

Oliver reached for the script again and started skimming through the pages.

“So I’m guessing I’m not dead,” he said after a while.

Diggle laughed at that, the sound coming from some place deep in his chest.

“No, you’re not dead.”

Oliver chuckled. “That’s great!”

 _The Agency_ had been a spy movie halfway across the _Jason Bourne_ and the _Mission Impossible_ franchises. The Agency, which had given its name to the movie, was an organization connected to the CIA who trained special agents since their childhood. They took in little boys and little girls who had been abandoned, who had no family, basically children that nobody would miss and turned them into war machines who would fulfil the most dangerous and complicated missions. Oliver had played a twenty-year old agent, Dylan, Agent 320, and Felicity had played his partner, Theresa, agent 406. They had been trained together as a team ever since Felicity’s character had been brought to the Agency. He had been the muscles and she had been the brains of their partnership. The movie had followed them through their first mission. They had been chosen to replace two agents who had been investigating the Russian mob before mysteriously disappearing. And while this had been a very important part of the movie, the most important part had actually been their relationship. How they had held onto each other to resist the harsh methods of training and brain conditioning. How they had preserved a semblance of humanity by protecting the other. How they learned how to care and to love with the other. How Felicity’s character had kept the pieces of Oliver’s character soul together every time he took a life. It hadn’t just been a spy movie. It hadn’t just been a love story. It had been both and more.

But at the end of the movie, the Russian mob, which had unsurprisingly killed the two agents who had disappeared, had attacked their characters and to protect Felicity’s, Oliver’s had sacrificed himself. Well, actually the ending had been voluntarily blurry where his fate was concerned. The audience had been free to believe whatever they wanted about Agent 320’s destiny while a severely wounded Agent 406 had been brought back to the Agency. Even Oliver hadn’t known what had happened to his character. Diggle had always refused to tell him what his ideas were.

But now, he was going to know.

“The movie takes places seven years after the first one. It’s darker but I think you’ll like it.”

“I can’t wait to read the script,” Oliver admitted. He tried to tone down his excitement but it was no easy task. His eyes were itching to just read the whole damn thing already.

“I bet you are so I’ll leave you to your reading,” Diggle said while getting up. “Felicity is going to get back in touch with me in a few weeks. If she’s in, we’ll organize a chemistry test for the two of you and if I’m happy with what I see, Amanda Waller and I will set things into motion.”

Amanda Waller had been the producer of _The Agency._ Oliver knew Diggle and she had worked on several projects together and that she was very competent at doing her job but he still wasn’t a big fan of her. She was too cold and unyielding, all about business and money. _The Agency_ had boosted her career, actually the movie had boosted the career of all the people who had been a part of it, and she had produced several blockbusters since then.

After Diggle was gone, Oliver threw himself into reading the script.

To say the least.

He devoured it, soaked up every single word, let them embed themselves in his mind and in his heart.

When he was done, he let go of the file, his mind boiling with thoughts and ideas. And his heart… Well, his heart was racing in his chest, pumped up with emotions.

The script was…

He had no words to describe it.

Devastatingly beautiful. Heartbreaking. Powerful.

He had wanted to make the movie before but now he _needed_ to.

The movie _had to_ happen. They had to make it, there was no other way.

He rubbed a hand over his face, leaning back in his couch.

The sound of heels clacking on the floor tore him out of his thoughts. He looked up and saw Laurel standing in front of him.

“I used the spare key,” she said as an explanation.

He nodded silently and just watched her, her thin body, her blonde hair, her clear blue eyes. They had officially met five years ago, on set. Unofficially? They had met at several parties some time before they first collaboration. They had been playing a couple of superheroes for the adaptation of very famous comic-books. After the massive success of their first two movies, producers had decided to bring more comic-books to the big screen and other superheroes had gotten their own movie adaptations. Now five years later, Oliver and Laurel had played in three movies, guest-starred in four others and had played in a movie where the superheroes all teamed up, the sequel of which was already in prep.

“So the rumors were right.”

She pointed at the script on his coffee table, a defeated look on her face.

“It’s just a script Laurel.”

He really tried to tone it down, the fire that had been sparked by his reading, but something in his eyes or his voice must have given him away. She sighed heavily and her shoulders fell.

“I came to apologize,” she eventually admitted. “I realized I acted like a jealous girlfriend.”

Oliver nodded, a confused look on his face. She sounded accepting, repentant. That wasn’t the Laurel Lance he knew. The Laurel Lance he knew wasn’t the kind to just accept things. She had fire burning in her veins, and a spine made of steel.

“Yeah kind of,” he agreed, unsure of where this was going.

She chuckled, shaking her head.

“But then I realized I have nothing to be jealous of,” she stated confidently.

Oliver gulped. There was a flame dancing in his eyes, something bold, daring him to contradict her. And that sounded a lot more like the Laurel Lance he knew.

“Yeah, that’s what I told you yesterday,” he replied hesitantly, still treading carefully.

She walked to him a predatory look on her face. He knew that look, he’d seen it on her face countless times. It was the promise of fantastic hours between the sheets. God, he loved that look.

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you,” she apologized, her hands landing on his shoulders.

He tensed up a little bit at the contact but quickly relaxed himself. She sat down in his lap, straddling his hips, her fingers already working on the remaining tension in his muscles.

“I’m sorry baby,” she whispered. Then her voice became lower, more seductive. “I promise from now on, I’ll be the most supportive girlfriend ever.”

She punctuated her sentence with a small sexy grin but Oliver found it difficult to smile back. Something felt off and he suddenly wished for another blonde to be here.

His heart froze in his chest.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, sensing his stiffness.

He shook his head, trying to get rid of the thought that had crossed his mind.

“Nothing,” he replied.

Laurel smiled at him again before brushing her lips against his. He immediately relaxed and let her kiss him. The past two days had been an emotional roller coaster and now his mind was starting to play tricks on him. He _really_ needed to be more careful. Being happy and enthusiastic about the movie was okay but it had to be it.

No more thoughts of curvier blonde with bright blue eyes and square glasses.

No more.

He leant down, his lips crashing against his girlfriend’s, turning the shy kiss into a much deeper one. She instantly opened up to him and soon enough they were passionately making out on his couch. His hands ventured under her shirt and she let him, her own hands exploring his chest, as she had ridden him of his shirt. He lifted her in his arms and carried her to his bedroom where he focused on wearing the both of them out.

 

* * *

 

**_The Parker’s Theatre – September 16 th, 2016, Los Angeles, US_ **

****

Oliver parked his car in front of the theatre. Slowly, he took off his helmet, his eyes landing on the once familiar white façade and red roof. He hadn’t been here in years but it hadn’t changed much since his last visit. The memory of that day was perfectly anchored in his heart and his mind but it was one special box of very painful stuff he just couldn’t open.

He had been trying on a new tux for the Emmys when Diggle had called him. He had listened to his message a few hours later. It had been brief but clear.

_“Oliver hi, it’s Diggle! I’ve just gotten in touch with Felicity, she’s in. She leaves LA on Monday morning, so it would be best if we could plan that chemistry test we talked about on Saturday. Call me as soon as you have this message, bye!”_

Oliver had nothing special planned as this weekend was an award ceremony weekend, and he was nominated for a limited series he had shot between two movies. He had called Diggle back and told him he was free on Saturday. He would be lying if he said his hands hadn’t been shaking a little bit.

Getting the script had made things real.

But this gave to the word “real” a whole new dimension.

One last step, the most important of all, and then the movie would become more than just a dream, more than just a wishful whisper of his heart.

He took a deep breath before getting off his bike. He crossed the street and walked in the theatre. The entrance hall hadn’t changed at all. The same deep red rug was covering the tiled floor. The same velvet curtains were hanging around the windows. Even the security guard was still the same. Larry that was his name.

Oliver waved at him and then motioned toward the door leading to the auditorium. Larry nodded his approval.

Oliver stopped right in front of the door. His heart was beating so hard in his chest he was scared it’d dig its way out. His palms were sweaty, his breathing fast and irregular. A million of thoughts were dancing in his mind. He almost took a step back.

Almost.

He allowed a shiver to run down his spine, one that made his whole body shake. Then he took a deep settling breath.

And he pushed the door.

She was the first thing he saw. His eyes caught her and he found himself unable to let go of the sight of her.

So he drank her in.

Five years.

It had been five long years since he had last seen her with his own eyes.

He could see her left cheek, the gracious line of her throat, her left shoulder and arm that were left bare by the tank top she was wearing.

Her hair was pinned on top of her head in a messy bun.

_“I don’t quite know_

_How to say_

_How I feel”_

Of course she was playing the piano. Of course she was singing. He probably would have laughed at the situation if his throat hadn’t been so tight.

Her fingers were moving deftly over the keyboards. She was lost in the music she was giving life to, lost in the words she was singing. He was pretty sure she wasn’t even aware of his presence. And strangely, that was okay with him. He was content with just watching and listening.

“ _Those three words_

_I said too much_

_They’re not enough”_

A lump formed in his throat. Her voice faltered a little bit and his eyes fluttered close.

_“If I lay here,_

_If I just lay here_

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world”_

He felt like crying. Images, memories from a past long gone, were swirling behind his closed eyelids and playing with his heart.

* * *

 

**_Felicity Smoak’s apartment – October 3 rd, 2008, Los Angeles, US              _ **

 

Oliver had been with his fair share of women.

He had lost his virginity in high-school. He had been sixteen, she had been eighteen and more experimented than him and in all his fantasies, and there had been plenty spent with his hand wrapped tightly around himself, he had never imagined his first time to be… that good.

He had had a couple more girlfriends in high-school and he had had a lot of fun with them. The kind of fun you had when you were eighteen and you thought you were a sex god because you made your girl come before you.

College usually made you see how wrong you’d been.

That had happened to Oliver.

He had attended four colleges before dropping out without his business degree. He had learnt nothing about economics and turnovers and other stock prices but boy had he learnt about sex. He had been to more parties than he could count, had fucked more girls than he could remember and by the time he had been done with college he had gotten a degree. It just wasn’t the one his parents had wanted him to get.  

He had put all the things he had learnt to good use after he had started in the acting business. Actresses, stylists, agents, girls met at parties, fans… He hadn’t been picky. And he had done his best to become the best lay of their lives, he had taken pride in making all of them come over and over again.

He knew he was a “womanizer” or whatever it was they called men who had a lot of sex with a lot of different partners these days.

But here was the thing:

Oliver loved women. He loved being with them.

And he had had no intention of ever settling down.

Until he met Felicity Smoak.

Felicity Smoak was five feet five of pure beauty.

She was hell, tempting him, drawing him in with her slender body, her long curly brown hair and her piercing blue eyes.

She was also heaven, for he could only find solace in the cradle of her perfectly sculpted thighs.

He had thought their thing would end after shooting _The Agency._ It hadn’t. Because he lived in LA and so did he. Because they had to spend time together to promote the movie. More importantly, because he realized he didn’t want to let go of her just yet.

Felicity Smoak was different, there was something about her… Something that brought out something in him, something deep and powerful, something he hadn’t suspected he had inside of him until she came hurtling into his life.

Felicity was truly beautiful but she didn’t know that so he had spent hours touching and kissing every inch of her body, mapping her with his hands and tongue until he could draw the shape of her with his eyes closed. So that she would know just how beautiful she was. The rest of his time he had spent talking and listening to her, deciphering her. He had learnt what she liked, what she didn’t. What made her cry, what made her laugh. And he had committed every single thing that made her laugh to memory because she was most beautiful with a smile on her face.

She was smiling right now. It wasn’t her happy smile or her excited smile. It was her lazy, drowsy smile, that small satisfied smile she always had on after he had made her come.

And he just had. Twice.

He had come back from a shooting with a photographer in New-York and meetings with some people with, potentially, a new job on the line for him. He had been gone a week and she had been on his mind every minute of every hour of the seven days he had spent away from her. And when his plane had landed, instead of going back to his loft he had come straight to her small apartment. He’d forever remember the look of surprise on her face, the little “o” of her mouth when she had seen him.

He had put his lips on hers before she could say anything. He had backed her inside her apartment, fell with her on her couch, his fingers buried deep inside her in a matter of seconds. She had come hard and he had swallowed her cries of pleasure. Then he had lifted her, taken her inside her bedroom and there he had proceeded to show her just how much he had missed her with his tongue only.

And he had missed her very much.

He had missed her skin, always so soft under his eager fingers. He had missed her scent, a mix of citrus and mango that made his head spin. He had missed the perfect blend of tangy and sweet that was the taste of her in his mouth, the sounds she made when she was close or the way her thighs quivered around his head after she had reached her peak.

He had missed her.

Oliver loved women. He loved being with them.

All that was true, before Felicity Smoak.

Because he was starting to realize that maybe he loved her more. Maybe he loved being with her more.

There was a time when such a realization would have scared the crap out of him.

But how could he be scared when he was kissing his way up her body? When he was intertwining his fingers with hers? When she was sighing against his lips in that sexy way of hers?

The answer was simple. He could not.

He tore his lips from hers. His still very much clothed body was pressing her very much naked one against the mattress. Their hands were joined beside her head and her dark brown hair was sprawled over the pillow.

“What is it?” She asked, feeling the change in his demeanor.

He looked into her eyes, her dreamy blue eyes. He saw himself stare at those eyes for the rest of his life and he found that it wasn’t the worst way to live his life. That made his heart beat a little faster, a little harder.

“I think I’m falling in love you,” he whispered.

She laughed.

She fucking laughed.

And when she saw that he wasn’t laughing along and that he looked pretty serious and hurt – she had laughed damn it, her laughter died down. She stiffened underneath him and let go of his hands.

“Oh my god!” She said, eyes widening in realization. “You’re not kidding.”

“Do I look like I am kidding?” He shot back.

“Oh my god,” she said again, pushing him off her. She clumsily reached for the sheet to cover herself and stumbled off the bed in her attempt at getting away from him, pulling the sheet she was clutching onto tightly off along with her. She looked like a deer caught in headlights, panic written all over her face. “Oh my god,” she said again, backing herself against the wall.

“Felicity,” he snapped.

“What’s wrong with you?” She yelled.

“What’s wrong with me? Are you serious? What’s wrong with _you_?”

“What? I wasn’t the one who let my sexed up brain talk and dropped the L-bomb. Seriously Oliver? Way to make things awkward!”

“You’re the one making things awkward,” he pointed out.

“Me? Didn’t you hear yourself talk?”

“I did. I said I was fal…”

“Don’t say it again!” She cut him off, almost shrieking.

“Why the hell not?”

“Because it’s your stupid hormones speaking!”

He frowned scanning her.

Then he laughed.

He fucking laughed just like she had laughed because this was Felicity being Felicity. Felicity putting up her walls, Felicity protecting herself. He didn’t know what he had expected her reaction to be but in retrospect, he should have known she’d react like this, that she’d try to find a way out, an excuse to not believe him.

He wasn’t going to let her go that easy.

“I didn’t orgasm Felicity,” he reminded her.

She had crossed her arms over her chest and she was frowning and she looked ten different shades of cute and adorable even though he was pretty sure she was trying to look annoyed.

“So?” She asked.

“So…” He said getting up. “It’s not my hormones speaking.”

“Don’t come anywhere near me,” she said threatening.

He ignored her. He walked to her and put his hands on the wall beside her head, caging her with his arms.

“Felicity,” he said very calmly meeting her eyes. “I’m falling in love with you. Deal with it.”

There it was again, that “o” of her mouth. He smiled, leaned in and kissed her.

He had every intention of doing that for a long, very long time.

If not forever.

 

* * *

 

**_Present time…_ **

****

Her tone cold and at the same time soft and fragile dragged him out of the memory her singing had brought back to him.

“How did you know I’d be here?”

Her voice echoed loudly in the empty auditorium.

He took his time to reply. It was the first time they were talking in years and he would make sure that each word mattered.

“Same way you knew I’d find you when you decided to come here,” he replied. “This is our spot,” he whispered, and he couldn’t help the tender affection in his voice.

“Correction,” she said. “This was our spot.”

The words stung, there was no denying it. But Oliver worked past the pain and slowly walked to her. He didn’t know why he was taking his time so much. It was perhaps to let her the time to run again.

She didn’t.

She stayed put, her eyes stubbornly attached to the piano in front of her, her fingers stroking the keys softly, playing a senseless melody.

Every step he took had his heart beating harder, louder and he feared for a second that she’d hear him, that his own body would betray him.

It didn’t.

Or maybe she wasn’t listening.

He sat down next to her, leaving an inch of space between them. She was close enough for him to feel her warmth, close enough for him to smell her familiar scent, close enough for him to see the tremors of her chest as she breathed. So close, yet so far. She was still facing away from him, her eyes resolutely focused on anything but him.

But he, the fool that he was, couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. And he was mad at her, for denying him the right to look at her in the eyes. He wanted to know what she was feeling. He wanted to learn everything there was to learn about her. He needed to know that new person who was standing there, that woman who looked like the girl he had known but wasn’t her. He couldn’t trust her words, realized she probably wouldn’t tell him much. But her eyes… her eyes wouldn’t be able to lie to him. But she didn’t spare him a glance. She hadn’t run away, but she was still escaping him and it was frustrating. He looked at her anyway. And he couldn’t help but notice everything about her, even the smallest insignificant details.

Like the color of the pen she had used to keep her hair up (red).

The pendant of her golden necklace (a bird).

The color of her nail polish (purple).

Or the tattoo circling her left wrist.

It was simple and very elegant, a mix of delicately shaped letters surrounded with small feathers.

_Milo IX.XXII.MMXI_

He didn’t know what it meant at all. Who was this Milo guy? Or maybe it was a dog? Yeah, Milo sounded like a dog’s name. And what were the other letters standing for? Roman numerals perhaps? He didn’t understand them so he had no idea what they could possibly mean. He would have asked her but prevented himself from doing so. Felicity’s secrets weren’t his own to uncover anymore and he needed to temper his desire to know her again. It was not only dangerous but also unhealthy.

“Diggle told me you wanted to make the movie,” he eventually said, looking away from her too, fixing his eyes on the heavy curtains that had been pulled back.

Her shoulders started shaking and it took him a second to realize she was silently laughing. He arched an eyebrow.

“What’s so funny?” He asked confused.

“Diggle,” she replied, amusement in her voice. “He’s one clever bastard. I didn’t want to make the movie, he knew that and he didn’t really try to convince me otherwise. He just gave me his stupid script, knowing full well I’d never be able to turn it down…” She shook her head. “He always knew how to get me to do things I didn’t want to do,” she sighed, one of her hands coming up to push back a fallen golden lock.

“That’s what makes him so good,” Oliver agreed.

A pause. A breath.

“I guess you’re right,” she nodded.

Silence settled between them. A heavy silence, loaded with years of unsaid things.

“Felicity,” Oliver started, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

He had always been able to put more meaning into those four syllables than in full sentences and it seemed that he hadn’t lost that ability. Her eyes fluttered close and he saw something gleam at the corner of her eyes. His heart skipped a beat.

“I want to make that movie,” he confessed.

He saw her take a deep breath and when she spoke the emotion in her voice was barely contained.

“I want to make that movie too,” she replied. “And I want to do it right. Our characters, they…” She hesitated, her fingers clenching the fabric of her skirt. “They deserve this. They deserve that ending.”

Oliver nodded a lump forming in his chest.

“Yeah right,” he said, clearing his throat.

 _“But what about us?”_ were the words he didn’t dare to speak out loud.

She turned her face to look at him and he turned his own at the same time. Blue met blue and his next breath got lost in his throat.

There was so much going on in her blue orbs, it was making his head spin. He had wished to see her eyes earlier now he happily took it back. There was too much for him to understand, too much for him to bear. And there was so much he didn’t want to face.

Fear, pain, excitement, they were all there, shining brightly only for him. And it was hard to watch, so hard. He had known nothing would be easy with her but this was worse than what he had expected.

“Do you think…” She pinched her lips together in a thin line. “Can we do this?”

He didn’t reply immediately, looking down toward his hands. He noticed he was rubbing his fingers together, a nervous habit of his.

“I think if we set our minds to it, there’s nothing we can’t do,” he eventually said. And yeah, he knew it was lame but he couldn’t think of anything else to say.

But then, what could he possibly say to his ex-fiancée he hadn’t seen in five years who wanted to make a movie with him because their characters deserved a better ending?

…

Yeah right, it was complicated.

“We need to let go of the past,” he went on. “Focus on the present, on the movie. That’s what matters most.”

She nodded, nervously chewing on her lower lip and his eyes flickered down to her cherry lips, lingering there for a second.

“I- I think I can do that,” she said after a while.

“Go-“ The shrilling sound of his ringtone echoed loudly between the walls of the empty auditorium startling them both, breaking the bubble they had been locked in.

He quickly got it out of his pocket, the name of the caller ID on display.

Laurel.

He looked up, his eyes meeting Felicity’s. Her face was pale, her eyes emotionless. But her fists… Her fists were clenched tightly at her sides and he cursed Laurel for her horrible timing.

“I should go,” she said getting up from the bench. “Tommy’s probably waiting for me.”

He felt like he had been slapped.

Surely, she knew how to fight back and aimed to hurt. The words felt like a punch. He didn’t want them to affect him but they did and he hated her for still having that effect on him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said, reaching for her purse on the floor.

He watched her leave hurriedly, too stunned to add anything else.

Laurel’s call remained unanswered.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you guys think?  
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	4. The chemistry test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!!!  
> I'm so sorry it's been more than a month since I last updated... Please don't hate me! I've been crazy busy with uni lately and school is my priority. May will be an hectic month but I'll finally be free on the 22nd meaning I'll have all the time in the world to write.  
> Thank you guys for leaving comments and kudos and supporting me even when I don't update often... It means a lot to me, more than I can say.  
> Careful with the last scene in this chapter! One of the characters is more than a jerk, there's real verbal sexual harrassment. 
> 
> Thanks so much for supporting me, happy reading!

** As usual be careful with the date indications because of the flashback! **

 

* * *

 

**_Tommy Merlyn’s loft – September 16 th, 2016, Los Angeles, US_ **

 

“Where were you?”

The words spilled from his mouth the moment he opened the door. She walked in but she didn’t say anything. She was still too stunned after what had happened, her hands were still shaking.

Oliver.

She had seen Oliver, she had talked to him.

“Felicity,” Tommy insisted following after her. “Where were you?” He asked her.

She stopped in the middle of his living-room, her body stiff as a stick.

“At _The_ _Parker’s Theatre,_ ” she replied and she didn’t need to see his face to know his eyes had gone wide and his mouth was agape.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have gone with you,” he added, his voice soft, his tone gentle. That was how he always was with her. Always soft, always gentle. As if she was made of glass and would shatter at the first occasion. She didn’t blame him for thinking that. She had shattered many times during the last five years and each time, he had been the one to put what had been left of her back together.

“I met with Oliver,” she went on, turning around to meet his eyes. A glint of something crossed his gaze at the name. “I didn’t mean to. I just went there and–” Her voice trailed off. “He just went there too.”

Tommy nodded carefully.

“It’s your spot,” he said, as if he understood. But he didn’t.

“It was our spot,” she corrected him, the same way she had corrected Oliver, her tone harsh and cold.

In another time, it had been there spot. In another life, this place had mean a lot to her, to them.

Now, in this life, it was just a place.

“Okay, okay,” he nodded, raising his hand up in a peaceful gesture. “How are you feeling?” He asked her.

She opened her mouth but no words came out. That most definitely wasn’t like her. She was always talking, filling silence with words, foolishly hoping it would also fill the void in her heart.

After she’d read the script for the movie, Felicity had been really mad at John Diggle. When they had met, she had been determined to say no to the movie and to get back to her life, a life where she didn’t have to think about _The Agency_ and Oliver Queen, a life where she was letting time heal her wounds. She had been determined to put all her memories and all the pain that came with them back where they belong, in a small box in her mind.

But she hadn’t been able too.

Because the script had been… perfect. Simply perfect.

She had read it and read it and read it over and over again until she knew it by heart, until it had somehow become a part of her one she couldn’t let go of anymore.

Diggle had played her well, not trying to convince her to accept the job, just letting his amazing script and her love for the characters do all the work for him. He had known he had done great, and he had known she’d see it too and wouldn’t be able to say no.

So she’d say yes.

She’d said yes but she had come up with a plan. She had spent the best part of the last five years putting Oliver Queen behind her and she wasn’t going to let him coming back into her life ruin everything, especially not when she had found a semblance of balance again. Her plan had been simple: for five years, she had refused to feel anything for him, she had refused to even think about him. She had buried Oliver Queen and their past some place deep inside her and she had tried to forget all about it. The plan had been to keep doing just that. Obviously she’d have to think about him, even interact with him but she would do so without allowing herself to feel anything. No love, no hatred. Not a single damn thing.

She had given him too much already.

And he didn’t deserve anything else.

But of course that plan had gone to hell.

She wished she could say she hadn’t seen it coming but that would be a lie and she wasn’t a liar. The truth was she had known it would happen. She was pretty sure, it was why she had been so desperate when she’d seen Diggle. She had known she was going to be sucked back in, she had known the walls she had carefully built around herself, around her heart especially, wouldn’t hold a second against the tsunami of emotions that always came with Oliver Queen.

And that was exactly what had happened the moment he had been near her. Not when she had looked at him. It hadn’t taken that much to wreck her. Just being in his vicinity had done the trick. She couldn’t tell how she’d felt back at _The Parker’s Theatre_ but it had been intense and overwhelming. That hadn’t really surprised her. Things had never been anything less around Oliver anyway. And now Tommy was asking her to put words on it.

How was she feeling?

That was one hell of a good question.

How did it make her feel to see a man she had loved more than she had ever loved anyone after five long years? How did it make her feel to be so close to him again? To hear his voice, smell his scent, feel his warmth? Felicity was someone who had always spoken a lot. Words had always come easily to her. But not this time. This time, there was no word strong enough to encompass how she had felt. It hadn’t been just pain, it hadn’t been just hatred, regret and guilt. It had been all that and more mixed with a silver line of lingering love and gleaming hope.

God she hated that silver line.

It was because of that stupid line her heart had throbbed painfully in her chest when his phone had rung and she’d seen the caller’s ID.

 _Laurel Lance_.

Now that was when anger had taken over. Just seeing her name and her stupid face on his phone’s screen had been enough to make her see red, to make her mad and desperate to hurt him as much as she was hurting in that moment.

And if the look on his face had been any indication, she had succeeded.

“Felicity?”

Tommy’s voice tore her out of her thoughts.

“It’s alright, you know you can tell me,” he coaxed her.

Her lower lip started trembling.

“Well,” she started, nervously clutching the fabric of her skirt. “It seems like I haven’t learnt my lesson very well.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tommy asked, tilting his head.

“ _She_ called him,” there was no doubting who “she” was. She sighed and fell on the nearest flat surface, a comfortable leather couch. “I can’t believe he’s still with _her_.”

Tommy just shrugged. “You know, they’re more often off than on,” he said cautiously, sitting down next to her.

“You know I don’t look them up.”

“Me neither but it’s hard to miss their faces on the front page of every gossip magazines.”

Felicity chuckled at that.

“I need a beer,” she said.

“Felicity,” Tommy warned her.

“I know, I know, no alcohol for me. But I also know you have non-alcoholic beers in your fridge.”

“True,” he said patting her knee. “I’ll go get one for you.”

He got up and walked to the kitchen while Felicity got more comfortable on the couch. Before her thoughts could rush back to her meeting with Oliver, her phone buzzed. It was a text from Diggle.

**_John Diggle: Chemistry test tomorrow at The Parker’s Theatre. Prepare the “You abandoned me!” scene._ **

Felicity sucked in a breath. She didn’t need to prepare the scene per say. She had read the script so many times, she knew it by heart already.

But she had thought the scene for the chemistry test would be an easy one not one of the heaviest. But then, it wasn’t like there was any easy scene in the movie. Still, she hadn’t thought Diggle would go big and ask them to try one of the most emotional scenes of the entire movie. She could understand his motivations though. He wanted to see if Oliver and Felicity still had that thing that made them so good together, that spark people responded too. Unfortunately for her, that chemistry had always thrived best during intense and emotional scenes. She was used to it but still…

That scene scared her.

 _The Agency II_ was taking place seven years after the first movie. During those seven years, Felicity’s character, Agent 406 had changed a lot. In _The Agency,_ she and Dylan, Oliver’s character, had resisted the harsh methods of conditioning and brain-washing of the Agency by holding onto each other and by loving each other. They had been each other’s light, the embodiment of each other’s humanity. But after Oliver’s Dylan’s presumed death, her Theresa had been left alone and she had lost herself in the midst of the Agency’s schemes and they had turned the genius girl that she had been into a war machine, training not only her brain but also her body until she was part of a special unit of agents who didn’t work with a partner anymore because they were both the brain and the muscles. Felicity’s character had spent seven years being trained in extreme conditions and being tortured both mentally and physically, until she became one of their best agents, the one they trusted with the most important missions, until she became their most perfect weapon.

As for Oliver’s character, he had survived the attack that had ended the last movie. He had been taken in by the Bratva, the Russian mob. They had tortured him for information but he had never broken. Eventually they’d made a deal: he’d help them make their business thrive and stay off the Agency’s radar, as he knew their ways of operating, if they would help him get his partner back from them. They’d never succeeded, the Agency always moving Theresa before they could get to her. He’d eventually become a member of the Bratva, rising up to the position of captain, using the skills he had learnt at the Agency to survive in the cold and harsh world of the Russian mob. He, the Agent who had never had a life, who had never been more than a number, had gotten to taste a life filled with money, alcohol, drugs and he had become the very thing he had always been taught to fight. But he had never forgotten where he came from and he had never lost sight of Theresa and of his hope to get her back someday and to free her from the steel-like control of the Agency.

The plot of the second movie revolved around the Agency’s face-to-face with the Bratva. Everything begins when the organization sends Theresa to eradicate the Bratva’s presence on the West Coast. They want her to succeed where she and Dylan failed seven years ago and their choice to trust her with that particular task again isn’t a random one: her former partner Dylan is the captain in control of the branch located on the West Coast and they are counting on Theresa’s presence to unsettle him and force him to make a mistake in his attempt at getting her back once again. What Felicity loved most about the script was that it wasn’t a repeat of the first movie, quite the opposite. The dynamic between the two characters was completely different and it appealed to her. Theresa too would be different and Felicity was super excited to play a whole new side of her, she was ready to throw punches and do cool fight scenes – and the fact that Oliver’s face would be on the receiving end of some of the previously mentioned punches had nothing to do with her excitement. She’d try to do most of her stunts, as she was in a pretty good shape and trained a lot.

The scene Diggle wanted Felicity to prepare was taking place toward the ending of the first part of the movie. Theresa and Dylan had already run into each other a few times, one of those times being a memorable scene in a club owned by the Bratva which Theresa had infiltrated as a pole-dancer – Felicity really was looking toward that scene – and facing Dylan had started to damage Theresa’s conditioning. Some memories from the past had started to come back to her and the scene they were supposed to play tomorrow was a verbal fight between the two that followed an actual physical fight, won by Dylan.

She typed a quick reply.

**_Felicity Smoak: Okay what time?_ **

**_John Diggle: 2pm don’t be late_ **

“Felicity?”

She shook her head, trying to clear her mind as best as she could and reached for the beer Tommy was handing her. He was also holding two pizza boxes from her favorite place in LA. Her stomach grumbled loudly at the sight and she eagerly took the box with her name on it from him as well.

“Tommy Merlyn, I love you,” she said, bringing the box to her nose and inhaling deeply, filling her lungs with the delicious smell of melted cheese, chicken and pineapple.

“You’re the bestest!” She said, opening her box. Her heart leapt in her chest when she finally got to see her food. “God, I miss these in Vancouver. They make good pizzas obviously but not as good as this one.”

“And yet, you ruin it by putting fruit on it,” Tommy teased her, making a face when she took a huge bite of her pizza.

She elbowed him as he sat next to her. “Be nice!” She warned him.

“A real pizza only needs three things: tomato sauce, cheese and meat!” He added, taking a mouthful of pizza himself.

“Hm…” Felicity moaned. “You really are the bestest,” she repeated, taking a sip of her non-alcoholic beer.

“If you could get me Emilia Clarke’s number at the Emmys, you’d be the bestest too,” he replied, a grin stretching his lips.

She grinned back, shaking her head at him.

“I’ll do my best, but I make no promises,” she told him.

“I still can’t believe you’re not taking me with you,” he whined.

She sighed and her shoulders slumped.

“I wish I could,” she sighed, a knot suddenly forming on her stomach.

Harrison Wells, one of her show EPs and writers, had summoned her in his office a few weeks ago and had suggested she invited Ray Palmer to be her date. She had originally planned to go with Tommy, as friends, but Wells had argued it’d be good promotion for the show if she went with one of her co-stars. She had offered to take Barry, whom she liked much more than she did Ray Palmer, but he had said it wouldn’t have the desired effect as he wasn’t her on-screen love interest. So Ray Palmer it was.

Fucking Ray Palmer was going to be her date for the Emmys.

She hadn’t really wanted to go from the beginning, she hated heavy crowds and often needed the help of a friend to guide her through one, but having to go with Ray Palmer had taken what little pleasure had remained in her heart.

“If Palmer gets too handy, knock him in the nuts, okay?”

“I’m not sure that’s the kind of buzz Wells wants me to create…”

“Who cares about what he wants? If he loves Palmjerk so much, he should be the one going out with him!”

Felicity bit on her lower lip. “Palmjerk?” She repeated.

“Yeah, that’s how I call him in my head.” The light in his eyes gave way to something more, something more serious.

“I mean it Lis, I’ve heard rumors about the guy…” His voice trailed off.

Tommy Merlyn was an agent. He wasn’t Felicity’s agent. He had been Oliver’s agent and his best friend and that story hadn’t ended up well at all… He had refused to become Felicity’s agent, even after she had begged him on her knees when she had felt ready to get back to acting. But, Tommy being Tommy, he had found her someone great in the person of Belinda Spencer, one of his colleagues at the office. That way he could still keep an eye on his friend, without being the one directly handling her career.

The point being that, as an agent, Tommy knew a lot of people and heard and saw a lot of things. 

“He’s not a gentleman,” he eventually said.

“I’m well-aware but I’m sure he’ll behave himself at the ceremony. It’s not like Wells asked me to take him home with me.”

Tommy made a face. “Especially since you’re staying at _my_ place.” He seemed to notice the conversation was saddening Felicity more than it was helping her and so he tried to distract her.

“Wanna watch a movie? Or even better a TV-show?”

“And by a TV-show you mean _Game of Thrones_ so you can stare at Emilia Clarke and drool over her for 50 minutes?”

He nodded sheepishly.

“Well, as long as I can drool over Jon Snow…”

Tommy laughed at that and she laughed with him.

 

* * *

 

**_Tommy Merlyn’s loft – September 17 th, 2016, Los Angeles, US_ **

 

The next morning, Felicity very much regretted eating a whole pizza. She should have settled for a salad and a yoghurt instead. Her stomach was tied up in tight knots because of her nervousness and there was a lump in her throat, one that made her feel like she was about to throw up.

The hours separating her from the chemistry test were going to be long.

Her nervousness grew with each passing minute. It got so bad she considered taking benzos – not that Tommy would have let her. Chasing the thoughts of any kind of medicine from her mind, she decided to try several relaxation techniques that she had learnt in rehab and then from her therapist after she had gotten out and it calmed her down a little.

Around 1pm, Felicity walked out of Tommy’s bedroom wearing a cute dress that she felt good in and flats. Tommy tilted his head when he saw her.

“I know, I know, it’s not very Theresa like but I have spare clothes in my bag,” she pointed at the bag hanging from her shoulder, her nervousness making her voice sound weird even to her own ears.

“It’s okay Felicity. You don’t need to wear the right clothes to be Theresa. You are her.”

She gave him a small smile. “You always know what to say, don’t you?”

He smiled at her sheepishly.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you?” He asked her.

She nodded. “Yes, this is something I need to do on my own.”

“Are you sure you want to do this at all?”

She gave him a look. “Tommy…”

He raised his hands up to stop her. “Just hear me out.” He paused for a second, looking for the right words. “I don’t want to see you hurt again.” Felicity felt her heart clench in her chest. “You were already hurt when you came home last night and that was just because of a stupid phone-call. What will it be when you start shooting the movie and you’re with him twenty-four/seven? I was there the last time you were together and I don’t want to see you like this ever again. I know you respect John Diggle a lot and love Theresa a lot too but you need to think about yourself, to put yourself first. Are you a hundred percent sure that you can handle this?”

“I don’t know if I can handle this, I still have to figure that out. All I know is that I have to do it by myself.”

Tommy nodded. “Alright then.”

She squeezed his hand. “Wish me luck!”

“You don’t need it,” he replied, punctuating his statement with a knowing wink.

She rolled her eyes at him and walked out of his loft.

 

* * *

 

**_The Parker’s Theatre – September 17 th, 2016, Los Angeles, US_ **

 

She arrived early for the chemistry test. She spoke with Larry, the security guard, for a while before walking in.

As always her heart twitched in her chest when she walked inside the auditorium. Only good things had happened to her here and that was probably why it hurt so much to come back. The good days were gone and she was feeling the weight of what had been lost.

She remembered everything that had happened to her in that auditorium perfectly. And that was proof enough that her plan not to feel anything was failing. She couldn’t even separate a stupid auditorium from the past, how was she supposed to do the same with Oliver? She was to blame for her failure. Places were just places, people were just people. They only matter because we let them. And it would be so easy for her to forget if she just let herself forget. If she just made herself put everything behind.

She couldn’t.

Or maybe she didn’t want to.

And as she walked down the alley, her fingers brushing against the velvety seats, a small smile stretched her lips. A pang of nostalgia tugged at her heart.

Her work as an assistant had been her first real job in LA. She had left her hometown, Las Vegas, after her mother had died of cancer. She had been her only family and when she had passed away, there had been no one and nothing to hold her back in Vegas. So Felicity had moved to LA with a head full of dreams and after a few months of relying on her savings and small jobs, she had been hired as an assistant. It hadn’t paid much but it had been enough for the nineteen-year-old that she had been.

When she had seen Oliver, the Oliver Queen, for the first time, she had needed to fan herself – she was only human after all. He hadn’t been that famous for his work as an actor back then but since he was the son of a billionaire he had already been quite popular. And more importantly, he had been as handsome in real life as he had been on pictures and it had annoyed the hell out of her. It wasn’t fair that people were born with everything, money, looks and talent.

And then, that afternoon where everything changed had happened.

She still couldn’t put her fingers on what exactly had happened between them during that short conversation, she just knew it had been intense and overwhelming, the very definition of their entire relationship. He had given her his lucky jacket – the very jacket she had helped him find that fateful day – on their first anniversary, saying something cheesy like “I don’t need it anymore since I have you”. She still had it in a box filled with memories she never opened. Just like the box of memories inside her mind.

Except that one she had just opened.

And more and more memories were coming back to her…

 

* * *

 

**_Shake Shack – June 10 th, 2011, Madison Square Park, New-York_ **

 

“Felicity!” Tommy yelled, waving his hand at her.

Her eyes widened behind her sunglasses.

Why wasn’t he wearing a neon sign saying Felicity Smoak here while he was at it?

She hurriedly crossed the street and met him at the park’s entrance.

“There you are,” he said, a smile on his lips. He took off her sunglasses and then bent down to kiss her cheek. “It’s good to see you,” he said.

“It’s good to see you too,” she replied. “But please next time, be more discreet,” she added, taking her sunglasses back from him and putting them in her bag haphazardly.

“Relax,” he said as they started walking toward the permanent food kiosk they had agreed to meet in front of. “It’s not like you’re the only Felicity on the planet.”

“I’m sorry…” She sighed. “Things have been kind of crazy ever since… Ever since Oliver and I got engaged.”

“You guys got engaged three months ago,” Tommy said frowning.

“Yeah I know but it took some time for the attention to die down and when it finally did, there was the news about Oliver playing in that superhero movie that has everyone going crazy and now there’s my new project here.” She sighed again, more deeply. “My face or his is always in some kind of magazines… It’s really exhausting,” she confessed.

“You do look exhausted,” Tommy agreed, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side. “And you’re pale. Have you been sick?”

She shrugged, wanting to dismiss the question. She didn’t want to worry him.

“I’m just tired,” she told him, putting on a brave smile on her face.

Truth was she wasn’t just tired.

She was _exhausted_.

And she missed her fiancé. She missed him like crazy.

She and Oliver had been together for more than three years now and Felicity was proud to say they had always managed to make things work between them and they had never spent more than two weeks without seeing each other.

That wasn’t true anymore.

Since Oliver had started filming his new movie, things had changed. He hadn’t been home in LA in weeks. She had tried to visit as much as possible at first but then she had been caught up by her own busy schedule. The last time they had seen each other was for his birthday in May and that was a month ago.

It was starting to really weigh down on her.

She missed the sound of his voice. She missed talking to him every day. He was not only her fiancé, he was her best friend too. She could always tell him about her day. Except lately she hadn’t been able to, there hadn’t been any time for that. She missed his laughter, his smile. He always smiled at her. Whether she was playing the piano or trying, and failing, to cook, he was always smiling at her. She missed how he rubbed his stubble against the skin of her neck when he was hugging her from behind. She missed his warmth against her at night. The bed felt too big without him in it.

She missed him so much she felt like crying all the time.

It wasn’t that she couldn’t live without him… Life just felt duller, grayer without him to share it with.

“Felicity? Are you still with me?” Tommy asked, and there was no missing the underlying concern in his voice.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry! What were you saying?”

“I was telling you to go sit down, I’ll order our food.”

She nodded. “O-okay.”

“Do you want something in particular? Or do you trust my knowledge of your food tastes?” He teased her, obviously trying to light her up.

“I trust you,” she said.

“Alright, go sit down then, I won’t be long!” He promised.

She nodded again and went to find a seat. It was a beautiful sunny day so it wasn’t that hard.

“There you go future Mrs. Queen, I hope you’ll love this!” Tommy said placing her food in front of her.

“Thank you,” she replied, a small smile on her lips.

She was happy to see Tommy, they hadn’t seen each other in a while. He had come to New-York to see a client and he had called her to see if they could meet somewhere. She had happily said yes, as she had been in a desperate to see a friendly face. She got along with the cast and crew of her new project, the one she was in New-York for but they weren’t her friends per se.

“So… How have you been doing? Aside from the whole “my-face-is-in-every-magazine” thing?”

She lightly punched his arm. “Hey don’t mock me! It’s really annoying.”

“I know it is, that’s why I make fun of it. That way it doesn’t bother me so much anymore. Now answer my question! I bet your head is all about planning your wedding. Dresses, cakes and venues must be the only thing on your mind.”

“Yeah, I’m thinking about it,” she replied evasively.

It was Tommy’s turn to lightly punch her arm. “What’s going on with you? What’s with the sad eyes?”

“I don’t have sad eyes.”

“Yes you do. What’s going on? Is something wrong?”

She shrugged. “No, everything’s fine.”

Tommy took a deep breath. “Felicity… Just because I’m Ollie’s best friend, it doesn’t mean you can’t talk to me. I’m your friend too.”

“I’m just…” Her voice trailed down. “I’m just being stupid.”

“That’s for me to say.”

She sighed. “I think maybe we made a mistake. Getting engaged. I feel like it’s not something Oliver wants anymore.”

Tommy, who had been chewing on his food, chocked and started coughing. He drank some of his soda and then said, his face red and still coughing.

“You’re being stupid!”

Her shoulders fell.

“The boy is crazy about you. Head over heels in love with you. Has been for years. God I remember when he first met you… You were the only thing he ever talked about. Felicity – this, Felicity – that, Felicity did this, Felicity did that and then she said this and then she said that… Felicity, Felicity, Felicity! I had never met you but I knew everything about you.”

That made her smile a little.

“Now, I know you’re not stupid Felicity so tell me… Why would you think something like that?”

She shrugged.

“We haven’t seen each other in a month,” she told him.

Tommy frowned. “That’s unusual. The two of you are usually attached at the hip.”

“I know but our schedules… They don’t match.”

“Thank god for Skype and cell-phones then…”

“Yeah but… He never has time. He never calls, I always do. And he always hangs up so quickly… He’s always busy, he always has somewhere else to go, someone else to be with.  It’s like he doesn’t want to talk to me. I’m wondering… What if he doesn’t miss me? What if the distance made him realize he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life with me anymore? What if he has changed his mind?”

“Felicity… You know how life on set can be…”

“I know, I know.”

“And you also know how big and important this movie is.”

“I do, I really do… And I know I sound like a clingy girlfriend but I just… It’s never been like that between us. There’s never been any distance even when we were both on different sides of the country or even on different sides of the planet.” She sighed and blinked back a few tears. She really had been feeling like crying all the time lately. The situation really was taking its toll on her

“Hey, hey,” Tommy said, reaching for her hand and squeezing her fingers in an attempt to comfort her. “Felicity, what’s going on with you? Ollie loves you and only you. Surely there was this thing between him and Laurel Lance a few years back but it’s nothing compared to what you guys have. He loves you and…”

Felicity’s hears skipped a beat in her chest. “Wait a minute… What did you just say?”

Tommy frowned. “Ollie loves you?”

“Not that,” she said through gritted teeth. “The thing about Laurel Lance.”

Tommy’s eyes widened and he pinched his lips tightly together. “Oh my god… He didn’t tell you.”

“Tell me what Tommy?”

“Oh damn no, this is awkward!”

“Tommy _please,_ ” she begged him.

Her heart was beating so hard in her chest she felt it was trying to dig its way out of her chest.

“It’s nothing really Felicity,” he started to say. “We ran into her at a couple of parties a few years back… You know how it is in the business, everyone knows everyone. We used to get so wasted back then…” He scratched the back of his head. “I’m not even sure anything ever happened between them.”

She chuckled dryly. “Don’t lie to me too Tommy.”

He looked down, unable to meet her eyes.

Her heart sank in her chest.

Lied to her.

_Oliver had lied to her._

She felt like she was going to be sick.

Her head started spinning, her stomach churned.

“Felicity, I swear to you nothing serious happened between them. That’s probably why he didn’t tell you about it. He didn’t want you to worry over nothing… What are you doing?” He asked her when he saw her get up.

“I’m free from filming for the weekend,” she told him. “So I’m going to pay my fiancé a visit.”

“Felicity, I’m not sure it’s a good idea… You look really angry.”

Angry? He thought she was angry?

She was _furious._

Gone were her tears, now she felt like punching in a wall until her knuckles started bleeding. Fire was spreading in her veins, making her blood boil.

She heard Tommy talk about her making rash decisions. Not thinking things through. She heard him talk about a misunderstanding. A mix-up.

She heard him but she didn’t listen to him.

Her fiancé had lied to her about something important, he was avoiding her and she would sort things out.

She had to.

 

* * *

 

**_Present time…_ **

 

Felicity blinked herself out of the memory.

She felt pain in her hands. She looked down and realized she had dug her nails so deeply in her palms she had started to leave small crescent marks. Slowly, she unclenched her fists.

God, her plan to keep her emotions in check was just going so well…

“I’m usually welcomed here with a song,” a voice said next to her.

Startled, she jumped in surprise, and brought a hand to her chest where her heart was racing.

“Jeez Oliver a little warning next time!?”

He shrugged, looking unrepentant. “I called your name. Twice.”

“I was thinking,” she shot back.

He shrugged. “Must have been some really deep thinking.”

And there was a time when she’d have trusted him with her every thought. Even the darkest and the ugliest.

Not anymore.

She felt her cheeks redden and she crossed her arms in a defensive move. For a second she just stared at him, his handsomeness doing things to her – she was still human after all. He was wearing casual jeans and a shirt, nothing too fancy, definitely not something Dylan would wear. That made Felicity feel a little bit better. She wasn’t the only one who hadn’t come properly dressed.

“Anyway,” he said. “How was your evening?” He asked her, walking up to the stage.

“Full of sex,” she blurted out without thinking. He stopped walking altogether and she bumped into him, her chin hitting the hard lines of his back. She stumbled back and caught herself on a seat. He turned toward her, an eyebrow arched.

“And blood and dragons and a lot of gratuitous violence. Yay Game of Thrones!” She quickly added, her cheeks burning. God, how much she hated her stupid mouth for always being faster than her stupid brain. “How was your evening?” She asked back, desperate to push the conversation away from her. She was so nervous and felt so stupid her voice came out as a shriek.

“Not full of sex, blood, dragons and gratuitous violence,” he replied, staring at her intently, making her want to curl up and make herself as small as possible.

“Your loss,” she replied, quickly walking past him to escape his gaze. It was a lost cause, she could still feel the intensity of his eyes on her, burning holes in her back.

“You’re here early,” she said, crossing the stage to stand as far away from him as humanly possible.

“So are you,” he replied, a small smile stretching his lips when he noticed the distance she had put between the two of them. “Diggle told you the scene we’re gonna play?”

“No, I came here unprepared, duh!”

He rolled his eyes at her. “It’s not an easy scene,” he pointed out. “But then…”

“Nothing is easy,” she finished, finally meeting his eyes. They locked her in place and her next breath got stuck in her throat. The intensity in them, it made goose bumps rise on her arms. She gulped, the secret truth hidden behind her words hitting her like a ton of bricks. She looked down and her eyes fell on the tattoo encircling her wrist, the bracelet she never took off, the reminder of the day that had changed her life forever.

_Nothing is easy._

The words took on their full meaning.

She looked up and blue met blue again.

And just like that, they shared a moment like they had the previous day. A moment loaded with emotions, filled with years of unsaid things, unspoken truths and maybe, just maybe, a tiny bit of longing. At least she thought she saw some in him, in the way his eyes softened on her, in the way the tension in his shoulders seemed to relax a little bit in her presence.

She tightly clenched the fabric of her dress in her hands, wanting to look away from him but finding that she couldn’t. She had spent the last five years without him and her senses had some catching up to do, whether her brain liked it or not. So she kept staring at him, her eyes drinking him in. She took everything in, his perfectly chiseled jaw she used to kiss when she wanted to seduce him, his stubble he used to rub in the most delicious way against her most intimate parts, his lips that had always fitted perfectly against hers, his strong arms that used to carry her to bed when they came home late, or his broad chest, the best pillow she had ever slept on.

Her lower lip trembled. She had been deluded when she had said yes to the movie, when she had planned not to feel anything for Oliver, to keep him and their shared memories in a small box in her mind. 

Because at this very moment, the box she had carefully kept closed for years was opened and she was realizing just how much she had missed him.

Just how much she still missed him.

“How are you Felicity?”

His words broke the heavy silence that had settled between them. They were soft and gentle, their meaning deeper than the most obvious one. They felt like a caress on her heart. Her eyes fluttered close and she bit the inside of her cheek to prevent from saying anything.

She couldn’t keep her feelings bottled up inside her. She couldn’t help the memories and the pain that came with being around Oliver. She could not _not_ feel anything around him. That was what she was learning from their two meetings.

Shooting the movie was going to be very very long.

Before she could reply to him the door opened and people walked inside the auditorium and there was more people than Felicity had thought would come to a chemistry test. John Diggle, his very pregnant wife Lyla, who had helped him with the script, Amanda Waller the producer of her movie and a cameraman who would record the whole thing. She didn’t remember if Amanda Waller had been present many years ago for her audition and then chemistry test with Oliver. But then maybe Waller had decided to see things for herself. After all she was very protective of her money and it was only logical that she’d want to make sure the movie she was investing in was going to be great. Still, she was giving Felicity the creeps. She was one hell of an intimidating woman with cold eyes.

The blonde shook hands with everyone, tension coiling inside her and she didn’t exactly register anything that was being said. She was feeling nervous having not been around these people in a while. Well, more nervous than she already was. What wasn’t helping was Oliver’s presence beside her. She felt a bit jealous of him when she saw that he responded naturally to all the questions being thrown his way. He even cracked a few jokes. He was radiating charm and confidence, just like he had always had, while she was the awkward nerd who should have stuck to playing the piano in her bedroom. She felt relieved when Diggle pulled them backstage because she knew the moment she got back on stage, it would be as Theresa’s and that was less frightening that being plain old Felicity.

“Okay since this is just a chemistry test, I’m not going to give you any indication,” Diggle told them backstage. “You do you guys, I’m sure it will be fine.”

And then he left to join the others in the auditorium.

“It will be fine?” Oliver repeated. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Felicity arched an eyebrow. Did he sound on edge?

“Are you nervous?” She asked him, her voice tight in her throat.

“Aren’t you?”

“I’m trying really hard not to throw up on your shoes right now,” she bluntly replied, making him smile. She smiled back at him against herself – she just couldn’t resist those stupid dimples he had.

“It’s going to be fine,” Oliver assured her.

“That word again,” she pointed out.

Oliver chuckled, shaking his head at her. He looked amused by her.

“We should have brought handcuffs to get in the mood,” she eventually said, letting out a shaky breath.

He shot her a surprised look.

“You do know my character is handcuffed to a pipe in this scene?”

A devilish grin stretched his lips. “I look forward to shooting that scene,” he replied.

“Oh really?”

“You don’t?”

Felicity didn’t know how it was possible but his grin widened and he took a step toward her. She took a step back, her heart picking up in her chest.

 “I – I,” she stammered, her thoughts getting all mixed up. What the hell was he doing?           

“You what Felicity?” He asked, taking another step toward her, getting dangerously close to her personal space’s limits. There was a predatory look in his eyes, one that was making her feel slightly uncomfortable. “Is there a scene in particular you’re looking forward to shoot?”

She gulped. What game was he playing?

“Does the “whole movie” count as an answer?”

“It does,” he accepted. He was so close to her she could feel the heat coming off him and she could smell the woodsy scent of his cologne, mixed with his unique and somehow familiar scent. “But there are scenes I want to shoot more than others.”

“R-really?”

“Yeah, and I think that you know what I mean,” he confirmed.

She barely nodded because, yeah, she was looking forward to shooting some scenes too. But she didn’t say anything, she just stood there, feeling all awkward, hyper-aware of how close to her he was, of how quickly he had invaded her space.

His eyes raked over her body and she felt her cheeks turn red and the tips of her fingers tingle.

“The pole dancing one for example,” he told her, taking another step toward her, his chest brushing against hers.

She choked on her next breath.

“Why- why are you doing this?” She said, pushing on his chest to make him step away from her.

“Do you still want to throw up?” He asked her.

She paused, frowning.

“I- no.”

She was actually feeling much better, most of her nervousness was gone. There was just a lingering flutter in her stomach.

“You’re welcome,” he told her then, winking at her.

 

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EXCERPT FROM THE  _AGENCY II_ 's NOVELIZATION

 

_Theresa yanked her arm back and shots of pain coursed through her wrist down to her shoulder. She growled and yanked harder, desperate to get free. But the pipe was too solidly built in the wall and no matter how strong she was, she couldn’t move metal and steel._

_“Theresa stop you’re going to hurt yourself,” her target pleaded with her._

_A name crossed her mind – Dylan – but she let it go and yanked harder._

_“Tessa stop!” The man who had handcuffed her shout._

_“Don’t call me that,” she shout back, still trying to free herself, the metal of the handcuffs clacking loudly against the dusty old pipe. The sound seemed to snap the guy into motion. One of his hands closed over her restrained wrist while he put the other one on her hip, his grip tight. He pushed her back until he had her pined against the brick wall._

_“That’s your nickname. I gave it to you when we were kids.” She struggled against his hold on her and he pressed his body further into her, using his superior weight and strength to keep her still. She trashed her legs but he stuck them between his. “Tessa please stop.” There was some desperation in his voice but she refused to let it reach her._

_“I’m Agent 406,” she stated, the words falling from her lips naturally and effortlessly._

_“No,” her target argued with her. “That’s what they want you to believe. You’re Theresa, my Theresa, my partner, the strongest woman I’ve ever met. You need to fight this Tessa, fight the conditioning, I know you can.”_

_She shook her head at his words and tried to slide one of her legs up, to kick him in the nuts. He groaned when she succeeded but his hold on her didn’t waver._

_“Tessa look at me,” he asked while she kept her eyes stubbornly fixed on their joined hands raised above her head. “Your name is Theresa. You were brought to one of the Agency’s facilities when you were five to be my partner on the field. Your knees were scrapped, there was a scratch on your left cheek. Your pigtails weren’t looking like pigtails anymore and you were holding that cute frog soft toy. They took it away from you but I stole it and gave it back to you. You used to hide it behind the ventilation fence. You were too small to reach it but you climbed up on my shoulders and together we made it work. You’re allergic to kiwi, you love squirrels and dolphins and you like strawberry pie more than you do chocolate cake. I always made sure to get you some for your birthday, at the risk of being caught by our instructors. The only time I didn’t was for your fifteenth birthday and that was because I had broken my leg during training. You…”_

_“SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!” She yelled fiercely as she started to trash again. She was shaking her head violently, doing her best to ignore the images his words had brought to her mind._

_“Tessa – Tessa stop,” the man pleaded with her._

_“YOU ABANDONED ME!” She snapped finally loosening the leash around her emotions and letting anger course through her veins._

_“What? No!” He protested vehemently._

_“Yes you did! For seven years you were out there, living your life while I was put in a hole and forced to do things you can’t imagine! You left me behind!”_

_“Theresa no, I tried to save you!”_

_“LIES!! For days, I searched the rubbles of the building looking for you but I couldn’t find you. I thought you were dead and I wish you were because that would have given you a good excuse for abandoning me.”_

_“I-“ A loud bang interrupted him. He moved away from her and run to the stairs, to see what was going on. He recognized a few of his men. “The Bratva,” he whispered. “They can’t find you here Theresa, we need to-“ He turned around and the rest of his sentence died on his lips._

_The handcuffs were hanging from the pipe._

_And Theresa was gone._

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“You guys don’t need to worry,” Lyla assured them, one hand resting on her baby bump. “Everything went well.”

Felicity, who was having a hard time looking Oliver in the eye, nodded. Something had happened between them on stage. Felicity had been afraid of playing that scene because some of Theresa’s feelings in it hit far too close to home for her. A few months after their breakup, Felicity had needed Oliver’s help and support and she had called him several times, leaving him messages that would have had someone who had really loved her call her back in a heartbeat. He had never replied to any of them and she had been left alone to deal with things. He had abandoned her, plain and simple. And so… At some point during the scene, there had been a little bit of Felicity and if the way Oliver was avoiding her eyes was any indication, he had noticed.

“Will you relax please Felicity?” Lyla chastised her, squeezing her arm. “I can assure you, we were all holding our breaths. You two were amazing!”

Felicity tried to relax, her eyes drifting to where John Diggle and Amanda Waller were standing, talking animatedly to the other.

“When will you come back to Los Angeles?” Lyla asked her, obviously trying to distract her.

“I don’t know yet. I live in Vancouver now so I won’t be coming to LA unless I have a good reason to.”

“Well, next time you’re in town, you should come over and have dinner with us.”

Felicity shook her head. “Oh no, I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“That’s nonsense!” Lyla dismissed the idea with a wave of her hand. “We’d love to have you so don’t hesitate and call us.”

“Well,” Diggle said coming back to them. “Amanda and I are really happy with what we saw today. We’ll get in touch with your agents when we have a schedule established.”

“I won’t be free until the end of February,” Felicity reminded him.

“Don’t worry we know. We’ll find a way to make things work with your schedule. Congratulations,” he said, shaking Oliver’s hand then Felicity’s. “You guys really were amazing today.”

They both nodded.

“Thank you.”

“Thanks.”

They walked away, leaving Felicity and Oliver alone together.

“So,” he said scratching the back of his hand. “That wasn’t that bad.”

“Yeah,” she agreed.

He reached for her hand, the left one with her tattoo, but she put it behind her back in refusal and his own hand fell mid-air. He had held it earlier, when they were on stage. She could see the question in his eyes but she looked away, biting on her lower lip to fight back a wave of emotions rising in her chest.

“I guess I’ll see you at the Emmys,” Oliver eventually said.

“Yeah. I hope you win!” She told him.

“Thanks. I hope you win too.”

 

* * *

 

**_Tommy Merlyn’s loft – September 18 th, 2016, Los Angeles, US_ **

 

There was a gentle knock on the bathroom door. Felicity looked up toward the locked door. She was sitting on the cold tiles, her back to the edge of the bathtub. She was only wearing her lacy white thong and the top of her outfit for the Emmys, a gorgeous light pink embroidered bustier by one of her favorite designers. It was still open because she couldn’t reach the back zipper.

“Felicity? Are you okay in there?”

No she wasn’t okay. Her butt was freezing on the cold floor of the bathroom and her legs were shaking pretty badly. Her palms were sweaty and she felt like throwing up.

She really wasn’t okay.

“I don’t think I can do this,” she said through the door.

She heard Tommy sigh.

“Yes you can,” he argued.

No, she really didn’t think she could.

This was the first major event she was attending in years.

She wasn’t ready for it.

She knew there were rumors circulating about her and she also knew there was some truth to all of them. There was no smoke without fire and the blue chip in her purse was her smoke. She was an alcoholic. She was a drug addict. It didn’t matter that she’d gotten help and that she was clean now. She still was the actress who had been fired because she’d shown up drunk on set too many times. And people had heard about it. _The Lawyer_ was her first major project in years, it had brought her back in the spotlight. But it didn’t mean that people had forgotten. People rarely forgot anything in Hollywood. She knew there would be stares and whispers and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to handle it all. She really hated heavy crowds.

And also, she’d have to see Oliver and his girlfriend Laurel Lance together.

She wasn’t ready for that either.

“It’s like Comic-Con,” Tommy said through the door. “You didn’t think you could do it and yet you did.”

“It’s not the same thing,” she argued. “Fans go to Comic-Con, vultures go to the Emmys.”

“You better not say that if you want to make some new friends,” Tommy joked.

She rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“I know and I’m telling you, Felicity Smoak, can do this. I believe in you.”

“Why can’t you come with me too?” She whined.

He chuckled. “Because you’d hate the kind of rumors that would spread if you showed up with two dates.”

She laughed at that.

“You’re right,” she agreed, wiping away a few tears.

“Come on Smoak hurry up, you have an award to receive!”

Twenty minutes later, she was walking out of the bathroom all dressed up and ready. She was wearing a full pink skirt with a slit that ended mid-thigh and a lighter pink bustier that showed just a little bit of her midriff. She had put on high-heels, let her blonde curls down and kept her makeup light, except for her lipstick which was a dark red. She hadn’t wanted to have a team prepare her because she had known at some point she’d freak out and she hadn’t wanted anyone to witness that.

“Tadaa!” She said when she met Tommy outside the bathroom.

He eyed her critically for a while and she frowned.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, looking down at her look silky skirt.

“Don’t hit me but… You kind of look like Barbie!”

“What?”

“I mean it as a compliment, I swear! You’re a really hot Barbie, one I’m sure men would love to play with.” His eyes widened. “Oh my god, I don’t mean to say that men should play with you, I’m just trying to say that you look really hot in a Barbi-sh kind of way.”

Felicity just stared at him for the longest while.

“Thanks, I guess? But stop calling me Barbie, okay?”

“Okay… Barbie!” He teased her again, chuckling.

She rolled her eyes at him.

“So, where are you supposed to meet Palmjerk?”

She sighed. “We’ll meet there,” she told him.

Tommy nodded. “Just so you know, you’re not allowed back here if you don’t win the award.”

She gave him a look. “I better win then.”

He grinned. “Exactly!”

 

* * *

 

**_Microsoft Theatre – September 18 th, 2016, Los Angeles, US_ **

****

Felicity wasn’t used to walk on the red carpet anymore. She had also forgotten how exhausting it was to pose for dozens and dozens of photographers, to keep smiling all the time, to remember to always show her best profile, to listen to instructions for pictures. She wasn’t exactly a natural but she was doing her best as she posed in front of the traditional black wall with “Emmy Awards” and “ABC” written in golden letters, a hand on her hip, one she made sure wasn’t touching Ray’s own hand. He had wrapped his arm around her waist the moment they had met and she highly doubted he was just being a gentleman and guiding her. No. His hold was a bit too tight, it almost felt possessive. But she sucked it up and offered her brightest smiles to the paparazzi while Ray was waving his hand at the crowd and shooting charming smiles to everyone. Many women around them swooned at him while Felicity was internally cringing.

“Felicity, Ray!” A blonde journalist walked to them. Her face was slightly familiar to Felicity but she couldn’t remember where she’d seen her. “I’m so happy to see you two here tonight, do you have a minute?”

“For you Rachel, we have _two_ minutes,” Ray replied, winking at her.

She giggled. “Ray, forever the charmer!”

“Always around a pretty lady like you Rachel.”

The journalist’s cheeks turned slightly redder. She cleared her throat.

“So, Felicity this is your first major project in a while, were you expecting such a huge positive response to the first season?”

“Absolutely,” she replied confidently. “I realized the immense potential of the show after reading the script of the first episode.”

“And what made you take this role?”

Felicity paused for a second. “Hannah is nothing like me and that’s what drawn me to her in the first place. She fascinates me, and I’m happy to discover something new about her whenever I get a new script!”

“What about you Ray? What made you take a role on a TV-show? You’re a movie actor.”

“Well, I don’t like to limit myself to just one thing,” he replied enigmatically.

“That’s great! And what can we expect for your characters in the next season? I heard things were going to get heated,” she teased them and it was Felicity’s turn to blush.

“They are indeed,” Ray confirmed tightening his grip on her waist.

“And did that on-screen chemistry lead to something off-screen?”

“I’m working on it,” Ray replied, brushing his lips against Felicity’s temple. She tensed up a little bit at the contact but relaxed because he was gone soon.

“Speaking of chemistry, Felicity I need to ask you… Is there going to be a second Agency movie?”

“Maybe,” she replied. “Minute’s up,” she added. “Thank you for your questions!”

“Thank you for your time,” she replied although she was obviously disappointed Felicity hadn’t confirmed anything.

They resumed their walk on the red carpet, stopping to answer a few more questions, until they were inside the building where the ceremony was being held.

“Is there going to be a movie?” Ray abruptly asked.

“That’s none of your business,” she shot back.

“Right,” he replied, his index finger stroking a patch of skin left exposed by her bustier. Why had she decided to go with that dress again? She had fallen in love with it the moment she had seen it but now it seemed like her worst decision ever. She shouldn’t have worn a turtleneck.

“Look Queen’s there!” He said, a dark look in his eyes.

And sure, Oliver was a few steps ahead of them, standing with Laurel by his side.

“Isn’t that the chick he cheated on you with?”

“Yes,” she replied, her jaw clenched tightly.

He arched an eyebrow. “What? Does it bother you they’re still together? It’s been what, years since you dumped him.”

“It doesn’t bother me,” she replied curtly.

“Well, you do seem a little tense. Maybe we could sneak around, do something about that,” his hand traveling to her back and pulling her flush against him.

“Ray!” She gasped, looking around her.

There was so many people attending the event and they hadn’t been the first to arrive, they had been pushed aside by the crowd and had landed near the wall.

“Oh come on Felicity, I know you want to,” Ray whispered in her ear in a voice she assumed he thought was sexy.

Her eyes widened and her heart skipped a beat in her chest. “What?”

“I felt it when we shot the sex scene the other day,” he said, pushing her a little bit, her back brushing against the wall. “You wanted me.”

Wow, she really was a good actress if he sincerely believed she wanted to have sex with him. She had taken three showers after they’d been done shooting the scene and yet it hadn’t been enough to erase the sensation of his hands and lips on her body.

“It’s okay you know, I want you to,” he went on. “I want to know what’s underneath all that,” he gestured at her, his hand landing on the slit of her skirt. “I want to feel those legs wrap around me Maybe you could come back to my hotel-room with me tonight,” he went on. “I’d give you what you want.”

“And what do you think I want?” She asked, regretting the words the moment they left her lips.

“My cock inside you,” he whispered in her ear.

Felicity sucked in a breath as a loud buzzing started in her ears. She grabbed his hand and yanked it away from her thigh. Her stomach rolled in her belly. She was going to be sick.

“Oh Felicity, there’s no need to be like that around me. I know girls like you. You look all nice and innocent on the outside but inside, you’re just a naughty girl who wants to be fucked.”

Felicity blinked. “What the hell are you talking about?” She whispered, too shocked to be able to say anything else. The buzzing in her ears had increased and she could feel actual bile rise up in her throat.

“I’ve heard what they say about you. How easy you were back in the days. I bet you still are.” She just stared blankly at him, her mind completely frozen. “Come on Felicity, it wouldn’t be the first time you let one of your co-stars fuck you,” he added. “Isn’t that how your career started? With you on your knees sucking Queen’s cock off? Though I guess Laurel Lance is better at it than you since he picked her over you.”

She pushed on his chest to get away from him, the acrid taste of bile now in her mouth. He let go of her and for a second she was hanging on a short thread, her thighs quivering, her heart painfully pounding in her chest. There was a million things she wanted to tell him, a million things she wanted to do but she remained still and speechless, dangerously hanging on a shaking thread. She opened her mouth but tripped on her words, the dizziness getting the best of her. But then she felt a familiar hand settle against the hollow of her back and she leaned against his shoulder immediately, without thinking about it twice.

“Nice to see you again Palmer,” Oliver greeted Ray. “Felicity,” he added for her and her eyes briefly met his. She didn’t know what to make of the shadow she saw in his eyes and their eye contact was too short for her to come up with anything. “Do you mind if I borrow Felicity for a minute? A mutual acquaintance is asking about her.”

For a second, Felicity feared that Ray would suggest he tagged along but something in Oliver’s expression must have warned him off. A few seconds later, Oliver and Felicity were walking away from him, away from the crowd and before she knew it, he was leaning against a wall in an empty corridor, both of his hands wrapped around Felicity’s waist. She could barely feel his hold on her, his hands were just there to keep her balanced and support her. Yet she tried to fight him, feeling constricted.

“Hey, it’s alright, it’s alright,” he said gently, when she tried to get away from him. “You’re shaking Felicity.”

She looked up to meet his eyes and saw a flicker of concern in his blue orbs.

“I’m fine,” she assured him.

“You didn’t look fine,” he argued and she looked away from him knowing her eyes were telling everything he needed to know and more. “What happened?”

“It’s none of your business Oliver,” she said harshly.

“Was he rude to you?” He insisted and she thought he sounded angry.

She didn’t reply. “I was handling the situation just fine on my own, okay? I didn’t need your help.”

“Didn’t look like that to me.”

“Who cares? What happens to me doesn’t concern you anymore.”

That was a low blow she knew it but it worked and he let go of her. She took a step back and then walked away.

“That’s not the way back to the auditorium,” he pointed out.

“Well maybe I don’t want to go back,” she said without looking back.

She turned left and walked inside the ladies room, which were surprisingly empty.

She walked to the sink and gripped the edges tightly to stop the mad shaking of her hands. She was breathing unevenly and her heart was pounding so hard in her chest it was almost painful. She bit on her lower lip hard enough to draw blood, doing her best to hold back her tears. She wouldn’t cry.

She didn’t hear the door open but she heard it close.

She saw his reflection in the mirror and she tightened her grip on the sink.

“Oliver get out,” she said through gritted teeth.

“Not without you,” he replied.

She watched him walk to her in the mirror and she felt him stop very close, close enough for her to feel the warmth coming off his chest, close enough for her to smell his cologne and feel his breath in her hair.

“What happened Felicity?” He pleaded with her, carefully placing his hand on her waist again.

“Nothing,” she assured him, locking her eyes on his in the mirror. She saw his determination to have her confess what had happened stare right back at her.

His thumbs found the patch of naked skin exposed by her bustier and he stroked gently, coaxing her into talking to him. She relaxed against him before she could realize she was doing it. In this moment, it didn’t matter what had happened between them, it didn’t matter that there still was some hard feelings lingering between them. It also didn’t matter that they didn’t really know each other anymore. Because Felicity knew, deep down in her heart, that he wouldn’t physically hurt her.

“You looked like you were about to have an attack,” Oliver insisted.

“I’m just nervous,” she lied. “You know how I used to be in public, it hasn’t changed actually, I think it has gotten worse with the years, can you believe it? I mean…”

“Felicity,” he cut her off, his eyes hardening in the mirror. “Don’t insult me by insinuating that I can’t read your emotions. I know it’s been a while but I can still tell the difference between nervousness and a panic attack.”

“It’s just…” She stopped herself, pinching her lips in a thin line. “Ray,” just the thought of his name was enough to make her feel sick again, to make her taste bile in her mouth, “was just being his usual self. A complete jerk, a total jackass. Now will you please leave me alone?” She angrily said.

She sucked in a breath when his thumbs climbed higher up her back, slipping under her bustier. He leaned forward, his stubbly cheek an inch apart from hers.

“I can’t,” he whispered in the shell of her ear, his breath on her bare skin causing goose bumps to break on her arms. He seemed to notice it, how she didn’t know since his eyes never left hers in the mirror, and his hands left her back and fell on her arms. Slowly, his fingers traced a path from her wrists up to her shoulders. He dug his fingers, easing a few knots. She bit back a soft moan.

“Felicity,” he whispered.

“Oliver,” she whispered back.

His fingers kept massaging her shoulders, working out the knots and kinks that had settled there during her conversation with Ray. Her eyes fluttered close as she recalled the gross feeling of his hands on her body and she felt her stomach roll. She tensed up all over again and Oliver held onto her a bit tighter, his hands moving on her shoulders.

“He just said all those awful things and his hands were…”

She couldn’t even finish her sentence as shame colored her cheeks a bright red. Oliver didn’t say anything but she could see he wasn’t happy. The look on his face was hard, and she recognized the way his jaw used to clench whenever he was upset. But still he said nothing. The thing with Oliver was that he had always been better at talking with his body than he had been with words. It seemed that hadn’t changed since she had last seen him. And the thing with Felicity was that she had always been good at understanding what Oliver meant. It hadn’t changed either since they had last been together.

So when his hands moved up her shoulders, she didn’t stop him. She still didn’t stop him when he pressed further into her, his body warmth warming up her body, which she hadn’t realized had been left cold and shaking by her unpleasant conversation. She didn’t stop him either, when his fingers clasped over the zipper of her bustier and pulled it down, slowly, his other hand following the arch of her spine stopping where her high skirt started. A shiver ran down her spine and his hands stilled her. He nudged her hair away from her neck, his lips not quite landing on her skin but close enough for her to long for a firmer touch.

“I saw him,” he whispered against her skin, his hands on her back, touching her everywhere, stroking everywhere, each soft brush erasing the feel of Ray’s hands on her body from her memory. “Why did you come with him?”

“EP asked me to,” she explained, her breathing ragged, her thighs clenched together. She had closed her eyes, unable to bear the intensity in his gaze but she could still feel him everywhere. Around her, on, in her ear, against her neck. He was just everywhere. She was quickly becoming intoxicating with him, enough to make her head spin and her legs tremble. She was as affected by him as she had been when they’d first met, if not more.

“I know you have to get back out there to him,” he said. “I wish you didn’t have to but that’s how things are,” she tensed up at his words but his hands on her back were quick to rub the tension away. “I want you to do something for me. When you’re sitting down next to him and all you want to do is run, think of me, think of this moment. And when you get on that stage to receive your award, find me, look at me. I’m here Felicity.” His hands moved away from her back and tenderly stroked her ribs, stopping right under the swell of her breasts, which suddenly were feeling much heavier. Felicity sighed, there was no denying the pleasure that coursed through her veins, the warmth that blossomed in her stomach. Her head fell back, on Oliver’s shoulder, her lips barely a millimeter away from his.

That’s was when she heard _his_ voice.

_“I’ve heard what they say about you. How easy you were back in the days. I bet you still are.”_

She froze, her hands coming up to cover Oliver’s. She moved her head away from him, preventing the kiss she had felt coming from happening. She opened her eyes and met his in the mirror. They had darkened, the blue almost completely blown-away.

“This can’t happen again Oliver,” she told him.

“I think we need to talk,” he argued calmly, and she was impressed with his calmness considering where his hands still were located.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” she said. “You have a girlfriend.”

“I wasn’t thinking about her.”

“An old habit of yours apparently,” she shot back and he stilled against her.

He pulled away from her, and sharply zipped her bustier again. He was gone before she could say anything else. Although, she honestly had no idea what she could have added.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you guys think?  
> Don't hesitate to tell me in a review or leave a kudo. They both make me incredibly happy!
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/JustineC_M  
> and Tumblr: http://charlie-leau.tumblr.com/  
> Don't be afraid to come and talk to me. I don't bite! :)


	5. The hiatus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!! 
> 
> I'm so sorry it's been more than a month since I last updated... Like I told you at the beginning of the last chapter, I've been really busy with uni stuff. My exams are over now and I'm back to writing - I got the news yesterday that I actually graduated, I'm thrilled beyond words.  
> I'm working on a side project hence why I didn't update my soulmate AU on Monday (I haven't gotten back to writing it) but since I don't want to leave you guys without any update for too much time, I'm updating this story (luckily, I've got a few chapters written in advance, and that's why I swear the scene with Barry and Felicity WASN'T inspired by Emily's collaboration with Travis, I wrote it BEFORE they sang their duet).  
> Anyway as always, I wanted to thank you for your support and the amazing response this story is getting. It means a lot to me!  
> I really hope you guys will enjoy this chapter, warning: tissues might be needed.
> 
> Happy reading!

The link to a [tumblr post](http://charlie-leau.tumblr.com/post/161635905413/nobody-else-could-love-you-like-i-do-chapter-5) I did with some edits, go check it out! 

** As usual be careful with the date indications because of the flashback! **

 

* * *

  

**_Microsoft Theatre – September 18 th, 2016, Los Angeles, US_ **

 

“And the Emmy goes to…” A pause. “Felicity Smoak!”

Felicity stopped breathing. She stopped thinking, her heart stopped beating. She stopped hearing and seeing.

For a whole perfect second, she stopped _living._

She had just reached heaven and it was the most beautiful place _ever_.

Instinctively, she brought her tattooed wrist to her lips and kissed the name darkening her skin.

 _“This one’s for you_ ,” she thought.

She didn’t know how she got up or how she made it to the stage. One second she was sitting down and the other she was standing and facing all the assembly, clutching her award tightly in her hand.

Speech.

She was supposed to make a speech.

She had prepared one, just in case but now that she was here everything she had thought of had flown from her mind. Her heart in her throat and tears in her eyes, she scanned the assembly looking for something, for some help and support somewhere. She found him. Of course she did. His gorgeous blue eyes, his gentle smile, his encouraging nod. She nodded and smiled back, and found some strength inside her.

Then she spoke.

“I want to thank all the people who have supported me through the past year, all the people who have believed in me and helped me so that I could be standing in front of you tonight. So many names are coming to my mind… Harrison Wells and Tess Morgan, our amazing executive-producers, our writers, love you guys even when you make me say embarrassing things in front of a camera, and of course my wonderful castmates who make life on set such a pleasure. Patti, Caitlin, Joe, Barry, Cisco, thank you for every smile and every laugh, you guys are the best castmates I could have ever asked for. You always make long days of shooting from eight am to ten pm a pleasure and I love you all the more for it.” She paused for a second, then carried on.

“Hannah Pearson is a smart and beautiful young woman who I believe is a model of determination and strength for all of us to follow. She lives in a men’s world but I have hope that someday we’ll say she lives in a men and women’s world. I feel incredibly grateful to be the one who’s brought her to life.”

“I’ve learnt so much from her struggles and successes I feel like an entirely different woman myself. And that’s exactly why I want to dedicate this award to every little girl, every teenage girl or gown-up woman out there. I also want to tell them a little something, if you will let me.” She paused for a second and when nobody tried to stop her, she went on.

“I want to tell them they’re free to dream of everything because I believe they can achieve everything they set their mind to. They’re destined to great things and they are allowed to wish for them. It doesn’t make them bitches to want more, it makes them human. And I think it’s time we stop letting the vision of bigots affect how we see ourselves. I want women to stop lowering their expectations of life and to embrace their femininity because there’s nothing wrong with being a woman. Too often it’s an insult to “talk like a woman” or “dress like a woman” but we, women, have nothing to be ashamed of and more importantly, we, women, are worth as much as men. And we are our own persons, not your pets, not your pretty birds. Our body is ours and ours only. It’s not your property, it’s not your playground. It truly is a shame that we can’t be beautiful without fearing that some people are thinking more of it than that we look great. That we can’t wear what we want without some people entertaining inappropriate thoughts about us. Or that we can’t go somewhere because it’s not safe for “girls to go alone”. She paused again. The assembly was so silent, she could have heard a mosquito fly.

“Too many women are still objectified, put in boxes,” she went on. ““Pretty woman”, “smart woman”, “bitchy woman”, “nerdy woman”. This has to stop. We don’t belong in boxes. We can be sexy bitches. We can be pretty nerds. We can be smarty nerdy bitches. We can be prom Queen and go to _Doctor Who_ ’s convention dressed as a _Tardis_ , okay? We’re more than just one thing and we don’t have to pick a quality over one. We don’t have to sacrifice an aspect of our personality to meet your outdated standards. So, it’s not either smart or beautiful. It’s both. Look at Hannah, she’s both. She’s also ambitious and driven, a woman of convictions. And she’s a great character. Obviously not perfect, nobody’s perfect, but she’s great. Interesting. Complex. Now, I’m sure for some of you I’m pushing open doors but I disagree. I think this cannot be said enough. Be ambitious. Be smart. Be creative. It’s sexy.”

A thunder of applause broke.

“Thank you all for your attention,” she concluded and as she got off stage, she raised her award up to the sky, showing it off to her little angel watching over her from up there.

 

* * *

 

**_Twitter – September 18 th and 19th, 2016_ **

 

“ **Oliver Queen**

@OliverQueenOFF

What a speech **@AnotherBlonde.** Congrats!

10:44 PM – 18 Jul 16”

\--

“ **Bartholomew Allen**

@BarryAllen

Whaat? **@AnotherBlonde** won the Emmy? TOLD YA SO!

That speech though *bows*

10:48 PM – 18 Jul 16”

\--

“ **Tommy Merlyn**

@MerlynOFF

This ladies and gentlemen is how **@AnotherBlonde** started to conquer the world.

10:51 PM – 18 Jul 16”

\--

“ **Cisco Ramon**

@TheRamon

 **@AnotherBlonde** WON THE EMMY! LET’S GET THE PARTY STARTED!

10:51 PM – 18 Sept 16”

\--

“ **Caitlin Snow**

@CaitSnow

Congrats **@AnotherBlonde**! You were incredible tonight, I’m so proud to be your friend! Xoxo

10:53 PM – 18 Sept 16 **”**

\--

“ **John Diggle**

@TheDig

I knew it **@AnotherBlonde**

10:55 PM – 18 Sept 16”

\--

“ **TheLawyerProdOffice**

@TheLawyer1

Congratulations to our leading lady **@AnotherBlonde** for her Emmy!

12:14 AM – 19 Sept 16”

 

\--

 

“ **Gem H**

@ThisIsGem

“We can be sexy bitches” => You bet we can!

11:12 PM – 18 Sept 16”

\--

“ **Martina**

@MartinaCD

Wow, that was some speech! Thanks **@AnotherBlonde** , I’ll wear my Tardis costume in your honor for Halloween!

11:13 PM – 18 Sept 16”

\--

“ **Jules**

@IamJulia

But you guys all noticed she was looking at Oliver Queen right? Olicity is back! #AgencyII

11:15 PM – 18 Sept 16”

\--

“ **Bart Wacks**

@AWacko123

Felicity Smoak is hot, talented AND smart. I’m in love! #Starstruck

1:21 AM – 19 Sept 16”

\--

“ **Gloria Davis**

@GDav1s

“Be ambitious. Be smart. Be creative. It’s sexy.” OMG! Thx **@AnotherBlonde**!

1:37 AM – 19 Sept 16”

\--

“ **M Romero**

@not_romero

CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW SHE LOOKED AT HIM DURING THE WHOLE FREAKING SPEECH??

1:48 AM – 19 Sept 16”

\--

“ **Stue**

@Stewii_e

“Patti, Caitlin, Joe, Barry, Cisco” => no Ray. Why didn’t she mention her DATE?

1:49 AM – 19 Sept 16”

\--

“ **Tracy T**

@T_T

Felicity Smoak won the Emmy? Wow congrats, she deserves it!

1:56 AM – 19 Sept 16”

\--

“ **J. O. Welsh**

@JOW

I’m so happy! Hannah Parson is my fav character on TV!! And that speech… And Olicity… is this night real?

2:00 AM – 19 Sept 16”

\--

“ **Lawve**

@Lawve

 **@OliverQueenOFF** OMG!! Love you and **@AnotherBlonde** so much! Is there going to be The Agency II??

2:03 AM – 19 Sept 16

\--

“ **Cathy Evans**

@PinkBarbie

 **@OliverQueenOFF** Your girl was amazing tonight and she kept looking at you!

2:10 AM – 19 Sept 16”

\--

“ **Dylan**

@Agent320

 **@OliverQueenOFF** First interactions in years, long stares and **@AnotherBlonde** said ‘maybe’ to The Agency II... Me thinks it’s a yes!

2:11 AM – 19 Sept 16”

 

* * *

 

**The Lawyer _’s production office – September 20 th, 2016, Vancouver, Canada_**

****

“Felicity!” Harrison Wells said, a bright smile on his lips, when he saw her walked in his office. “What a surprise! Shouldn’t you be on set?”

She shook her head, her ponytail bouncing on her shoulders.

“Night shoot,” she explained.

He got up from behind his desk.

“Congratulation again for your award!” He told her, giving her a tight hug.

She didn’t hesitate to return his hug for a second. She held him in high esteem and she knew she owed him and his wife, Tess Morgan, a lot. When she had gotten out of rehab, it hadn’t been easy for her to get back to acting. Most EPs and directors hadn’t wanted her because of her bad reputation prior to her treatment – she had shown up on set completely wasted a few times and it had gotten her fired from the last project she had been working on before she decided to get help. But she had successfully guest-starred in a few shows, she had even made a noteworthy apparition on _The Big Bang Theory_ and that was how Harrison Wells and his wife had heard about her. They had contacted her for the role of Hannah and she had only needed to audition once to get the role. They had trusted her to be the leading lady of their show and they’d given her the opportunity to thrive again in her job and for all these things she was eternally grateful. The Award she had won – she still had a hard time believing she had actually won an Emmy, crazy how quickly life changed, uh? A year ago she had been _persona_ _non_ _gratta_ and now she was winning awards – she owed it not only to her performances but to all the people who had helped her give her best in front of the camera, to all the people who had trusted her at the right time and who had believed in her.

Harrison Wells and Tess Morgan were definitely among those people.

“I was told Cisco is planning a party this weekend!”

Felicity shrugged, a small smile on her lips. There was always going to be a party on Friday as they would be done shooting the first ten episodes of the show on that day, now they just had something else to celebrate. After that party, they would officially be on hiatus from shooting for three months before going back on set in January and shoot the last eight episodes. The first ten episodes would air on October, November and December. Then there would be a hiatus and the show would come back in March – April and May. It was an odd schedule but it allowed them to play with the timeline of the show so Felicity was okay with it. Besides their three-month hiatus was long enough for them to work on other projects if they wanted to. For example, Felicity knew Caitlin would resume her recurring role on a sitcom and that Barry would go back to Central City, where he lived and had his recording studio for his YouTube Channel. He had left Broadway but still sang and danced. His videos usually had two to three million views. Cisco, who was a bit of a tech geek, had recently joined him and was now helping him shooting his videos. It helped that he was from Central City and lived there too.

“Do you have any plans for the hiatus?”

“Nothing too serious yet,” she replied. “I know they want me again on _The Big Bang Theory_ and I’d like to guest-star again on the show, the first time was really fun!”

“Yeah I had a good laugh,” Harrison admitted.

Felicity wasn’t even surprised by his own confession. She knew he was a bit of the dork. The shelves in his office were crowded with Funko Pops and they had actually given him away the first time she’d walked in but it had been more than okay with her. She was a little bit of a dork too and had her own collection of Funko Pops back at home. She even had a little Harry, Ron and Hermione somewhere in her trailer on set.

“So, I’m guessing there’s something you want to tell me,” Wells said, offering her a chair. “It better not be “I’m pregnant”,” he joked and Felicity tried to laugh along with him but found that she couldn’t. She felt something clench in her belly and she nervously reached for the bracelet she was wearing that day, the one she used to partially hide her tattoo and rolled the pendant between her fingers, something she had started to do whenever she felt ill-at-ease.

“Don’t worry, I’m not pregnant,” she eventually managed to say. Being terminally single helped that way. Not that being pregnant was a bad thing, it just wasn’t an easy thing to handle for anyone involved in the process of making a show and the fact that she was single simply helped preventing her getting pregnant and spared them some problems.

“What is it then?”

“It’s about Ray.”

Harrison’s smile faded away quickly and the light in his eyes vanished. After what had happened at the Emmys, Felicity had decided to report Ray’s behavior. He had always been a jerk and had always made inappropriate comments on set but he had definitely crossed a line at the Emmys. The way he had talked about her, the way he had interpreted the sex scene they had shot together… All of this was making it impossible for her to be professional around him anymore. She didn’t want to feel his gross hands on her body again, she didn’t want to have to kiss his disgusting lips ever again in her life. She wanted him away from her, and out of her life would be even better. Besides, she’d feel like a hypocrite if she didn’t apply to herself the things she had said in her acceptance speech.

Once she’d made her decision, she had talked about what had happened with her other female co-stars the previous day. Caitlin had never been really bothered by Ray, he had stated she wasn’t his type after their first day on set – although that already was an insult in itself – but she had seen how he could be with women on set and Patty… Well, Patty had heard a few comments about her legs and butt she shouldn’t have heard at her place of work and it had strengthened Felicity’s decision. Felicity knew most of the other women working on the show hadn’t been that much troubled by him. The jerk that he was thought they were beneath his great self. After all, someone as good as him could only date a woman of his league – though she knew from Patty, who always knew everything that was happening on set, he hadn’t turned down a lay when a cute brunette from the costume department had jumped him.

“What happened?” He sighed, looking wearier and wearier.

Felicity tilted her head. “The problem is what’s been happening. Sunday was just… The final straw.”

Harrison sighed deeply.

“You know how he is, everyone in the business knows it.”

He nodded. “I know but… He’s Ray Palmer. He brings viewers, whether we like it or not.”

“And it didn’t occur to you that Ray Palmer became Ray Palmer because of that kind of reasoning?”

“What?”

“All the people who kept closing their eyes on his behavior because he was handsome and would attract female viewers… They’re responsible for Ray Palmer being Ray Palmer. He’d be nothing if he’d been fired after his first slip.” She paused for a second, trying to contain her anger and indignation. She was angry at herself as well because for too long she had put up with something she shouldn’t have had to put up with in the first place. “Everyone knows how he is and yet no one is doing anything about it… It’s by closing our eyes that we allow terrible things to happen.”

Harrison blinked. “And is that what you want me to do? Fire him?”

“I want you to do what’s best for the show,” Felicity replied.

“I knew that speech had to have been inspired by something,” he sighed heavily, leaning back in his chair. “I’m sorry Felicity. I know Tess talked to him during the hiatus, encouraged him to talk to someone. But obviously there isn’t much a shrink can do about jerkiness.”

Felicity nodded.

“Why don’t you tell me exactly what happened?”

Harrison Wells trusted Felicity with his show. She trusted him too, trusted him to do his job well so that she could do hers. That was how great shows were made. So, she told him everything, repeated every insult, every offense. She trusted him with the truth, knowing he wouldn’t let her down, not now and not ever.

 

* * *

 

**The Lawyer _’s set, make-up trailer – September 21 st, 2016, Vancouver, Canada_**

 

Felicity was on her way out of the make-up trailer when she bumped into Barry. Or more accurately, when Barry bumped into her. His hands shot up and grabbed her shoulders to stabilize her. The impact hadn’t been that strong but Barry had been running and Felicity being a lightweight, she still stumbled back a bit.

“Felicity, exactly who I was looking for!” He said cheerfully.

“Hey Barry! Running late again?” She replied. It was common knowledge on set that Barry always arrived late on set, meaning he always had to rush to be ready to shoot on time.

“Not exactly,” he said consulting his watch. “I still have twenty minutes in front of me.”

She rolled her eyes at him. “Why were you looking for me?” She hurried him.

“Do you have any plans for next week?” He asked her.

She shook her head “no” eyeing him suspiciously. “Why?”

“Do you remember that video of us Cisco posted on Twitter? You know the one where we are singing at the karaoke bar.”

She nodded. “Yeah, that one is kind of hard to forget,” she laughed.

He chuckled with her, his eyes sparkling. “Well, a lot of people asked me to make a video with you on my YouTube channel and I was thinking, maybe we could shoot one and post it when the show returns. We could post it the day the premiere airs or something…”

Felicity frowned. “But Barry, you usually shoot your videos in Central City.”

“Yeah that’s why I’m asking if you have anything planned for next week.”

Felicity blinked. “Oh. You’re inviting me over?”

“Kind of. I asked Caitlin if she wanted to come too. Obviously, she won’t do any singing,” they shared a knowing look. “I’m afraid there are some things even Auto-Tune can’t help with.” Felicity pinched her lips to hold back a laugh and Barry winked at her, his smile showing off his dimples. “But you know, she’s never been to Central City and I offered to show her around – I mean, Cisco and I offered to show her around,” he corrected immediately, his cheeks reddening and Felicity had to pinch her lips even tighter. “You could join us and we could work on the video between a few hours of sightseeing, what do you think?”

“You’re assuming I want to make a video,” she pointed out.

He frowned. “Don’t you want to?” He asked, his tone suddenly less confident.

She sighed, her shoulders falling slightly. It wasn’t that. The thing was her music had always been something personal. Her father had always been good with computers. Sadly, he hadn’t used his talent wisely and that was why he was in prison, serving a life-sentence. When Felicity had been a toddler, she had shown the same inclination toward technology as him but he had quickly taken his computer’s keyboard away from her, giving her a piano’s keyboard to play with instead. He hadn’t wanted her to make the same mistakes he had, which was as sweet as it was offending because hey, vote of confidence?

The thing was music had always been her thing, a way for her to express her feelings. It wasn’t something she was used to share with people. She had shared it with Oliver but she had never let anyone in as much as she’d let him and it was why his betrayal had hurt her so much and still hurt her today. After her breakdown, when she had started to put herself back together, she had turned to music again. It had been a huge part of her therapy and she wasn’t sure she was comfortable showing that side of her to the world. Singing with Barry in a karaoke bar for fun was one thing but making a video with him was a complete other. It was a big deal and she wasn’t sure she could handle it.

“It’s complicated,” she said lamely and she hated herself when his shoulders slumped and she saw the light in his eyes diminish.

“Oh, okay. It was just an idea, it’s okay if you don’t want to do it,” he told her.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized even more lamely. She felt really shitty.

“It’s fine,” he assured her, moving to sit on a chair.

“Barry wait!” She called him back, her insides twisted in a tight knot.

She didn’t want to be the reason her friend was disappointed, she liked him too much to hurt him that way. If she and Barry had gotten along while shooting the first season of the show, they had become even closer while shooting the second season. Actually, she had grown closed to most of her castmates, but more particularly Caitlin, Cisco and Barry. She was starting to consider them her friends, real friends, the ones that really mattered and stuck with you even through the hardest stuff.

“Yes?” He turned back, a hopeful look in his eyes.

“What did you have in mind for the video?”

“I don’t know,” he replied scratching the back of his head. “The two of us singing, maybe a little bit of dancing if you feel like it. My feet are kind of itching to dance again.”

“You’re _always_ dancing Barry,” she reminded him and he gave her a sheepish look.

It was true though. He was always dancing between takes and he had even managed to teach her and Caitlin a few steps.

She considered him for a second. Though she knew he loved acting, dancing and singing were his two true passions and his YouTube Channel was a little like his baby. Now that she thought about it, him inviting her to shoot a video with him was a beautiful proof of how much he trusted her, and it made her feel all gooey inside. It was also putting even more pressure on her shoulders. She was nervous to expose a new side of her to the world, but she also didn’t want to screw things up with her friend.

But then what was her therapist always telling her?

To try new things, to take leaps and trust that she’d fall right back on her feet.

To live her life fully without letting her fears and the past hold her back.

Besides, she could use the trip to finally get Barry and Caitlin together, with Cisco’s help.

“Okay,” she said. “I’ll do it.”

 

* * *

 

**_Twitter and YouTube – October 6 th, 2016_ **

****

_Twitter_

****

“ **Bartholomew Allen**

@BarryAllen

Thx for watching the show! As promised, a present from myself **@AnotherBlonde @TheRamon** & **@CaitSnow**   **youtu.be/gJDFEED1a_U** Enjoy!

10:11 PM – 6 Oct 16”

\--

“ **Cisco Ramon**

@TheRamon

 **@BarryAllen @AnotherBlonde @CaitSnow** We look good in this vid!

10:13 PM – 6 Oct 16”

\--

“ **Caitlin Snow**

@CaitSnow

 **@BarryAllen @AnotherBlonde @TheRamon** Happy Lawyer day guys!!

10:16 PM – 6 Oct 16”

\--

“ **Felicity Smoak**

@AnotherBlonde

 **@BarryAllen @TheRamon @CaitSnow** Love you so much BananaTeam!

10:17 PM – 6 Oct 16”

\--

“ **Bartholomew Allen**

@BarryAllen

 **@AnotherBlonde @TheRamon @CaitSnow** We swore to keep that nickname a secret!

10:18 PM – 6 Oct 16”

\--

“ **Felicity Smoak**

@AnotherBlonde

 **@BarryAllen @TheRamon @CaitSnow** Shut up and buy me a minion!

10:20 PM – 6 Oct 16”

_Youtube_

****

**Christina Perri – Human cover ft. Felicity Smoak**

**The Allen Show** **·** **9K views** **·** **11 minutes ago**

_*Felicity Smoak and Caitlin Snow are sitting on high stools. Barry Allen is standing between them. They are in a recording studio. Light is dim.*_

_Felicity: *smiles* Hey guys! This is Felicity Smoak._

_Caitlin: Caitlin Snow! *waves*_

_Barry: Barry Allen! *salutes*_

_Cisco: And Cisco Ramon! *turns camera toward him, waves* *puts the camera back on his friends*_

_Felicity: Our show_ The Lawyer _is back tonight! We’ve worked our asses off to give you the best second season possible._

_Barry: Well, miss Emmy Winner worked her ass off, we just hung on set and joked around!_

_Felicity: *glares at him*_

_Caitlin: *nudges him* we want to thank you for the unwavering support you’ve given us ever since the show first aired a year ago._

_Barry: I want to personally thank you for responding so well to my character otherwise I wouldn’t be standing here with those pretty ladies today…_

_Cisco: *from behind the camera* hey, what about me?_

_Barry: You’re a pretty lady too man! *they all laugh*_

_Felicity: We really hope you’ll love this season._

_Caitlin: We’ve given it everything we had!_

_Barry: And even more but we won’t talk about that tonight…_

_Caitlin: *slaps his arm but still laughs*_

_Felicity: *chuckles*_

_Cisco: *laughs too*_

_Barry: This video is a present for all of you and we really hope you’ll enjoy it! I know a lot of you have been asking me to record a song with Felicity since Comic-Con, I hope this is what you had in mind! *he chuckles nervously* Felicity, Cisco and I worked really hard on this little project and we had a lot of fun doing it._

_Felicity: *mumbles* except when he woke me up at five am to go rehearse…_

_Barry: *wraps an arm around her shoulder* you loved it! Besides, we had the best coffee girl ever! *he wraps an arm around Caitlin’s shoulder*_

_Caitlin: That would be me! *she laughs* I’ve been watching these guys working on this ever since we finished shooting the first 10 episodes of_ The Lawyer _and believe me when I tell you they really poured their hearts in this project! Barry even got Felicity to dance and all of this just for you!_

_Felicity: *blushes* Yep…_

_Caitlin: So we really hope you’ll love the video._

_Felicity: And the show’s second season!_

_Barry: Thanks again, you guys rock!_

_Felicity: *nods*_

_Caitlin: *nods too*_

_*black screen*_

_*music starts*_

* * *

 

**_Felicity’s apartment – October 21 st, 2016, Vancouver, Canada_ **

“This is Felicity Smoak.”

“Felicity, hello, this is Belinda Spencer your agent!”

“I know, hi Belinda! How are you?”

“I’m fine, what about you sweetie?”

“I’m great! Enjoying my break from filming!”

“That’s amazing! Listen, I’m calling you because _Inside Acting_ wants to interview you.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t have to tell you it’s an amazing opportunity, do I?”

“No, of course not! I know they’re a reference in the acting world.”

“They are. Listen, they already wanted to interview you after you won the Emmy but now that the second season has started and each of your performances is better than the previous one, they really _really_ want to interview you.”

“Why didn’t you say yes after the Emmys?”

“Because I’m thinking three steps ahead! If they had interviewed you right after the Emmys, your interview would have been in October’s issue. If they interview you in October, it’ll appear in the November’s issue, right on time for The Golden Globes nominations.”

“You don’t – you don’t seriously think they’re considering me for the – for The Golden Globes. They can’t be, right?”

“I don’t think they’re considering you, I know they are.”

“But I just got an Emmy.”

“Yes so? You can win both, they are precedents.”

“They can’t possibly be considering me, I mean… That’s crazy!”

“Well, you should have thought about that before killing it in _The Lawyer._ I’m proud of you girl, you should be too.”

 “O-Okay. So _Inside Acting_ want to interview me?”

“Yes, are you free on October the 29th and 30th? It’s a Saturday.”

“Yep, I don’t have any plans.”

“Great, then get your beautiful butt in LA for this weekend! I’ll text you the details for the interview.”

“Thank you Belinda!”

“You’re welcome. Oh and Felicity? I really mean it. I’m proud of you.”

 

* * *

 

**_Los Angeles International Airport LAX – October 28 th, 2016, Los Angeles, US_ **

 

Felicity was afraid of heights and it really, _really_ sucked because she was an actress and she was constantly flying. It was the fastest and safest way to travel but god did she hate it! And she hated it even more now that she couldn’t even take a few benzos to help herself relax. Being a drug addict – sober but still an addict – sucked even more than being afraid of heights. But then, she had no one else but herself to blame for that particular problem. She had been the one to screw up, she had to be the one to pay the price.

And she really needed to think about happier stuff. Like right now.

Sighing, she made sure her baseball cap, headphones and sunglasses were firmly in place and she made her way through the airport, ignoring the paparazzi snapping pictures of her. She hated paparazzi but they were part of her life so she dealt with their presence as gracefully as possible. She walked out of the airport without being interrupted and that was probably one of the things she loved most about Los Angeles. People there were so used to see actors or singers, they weren’t stopping them for a picture or an autograph anymore. Well, some still were obviously but most of them respected their privacy. For that Felicity was grateful because she wasn’t comfortable around people, especially when she was alone. She was always up for talking with some fans, but as soon as there was more than five or six people, she felt ill-at-ease and completely overwhelmed.

Between that and her fear of heights, it was obvious she needed to reconsider her career’s choice.

But then, it wasn’t like she had chosen her career in the first place, right?

The career had chosen her.

But that wasn’t something she wanted to be thinking about.

Sadly, Tommy was out of town for the weekend – he was visiting his parents in his hometown, Star City – so she wouldn’t be staying at his place for the weekend. Felicity hadn’t minded, though she had been a bit sad when she had learnt they wouldn’t see each other, and she had booked a room at the _Sunset Tower Hotel_ in West Hollywood for the weekend.

She was on her way to find a cab when a girl reading a magazine caught her eye. Well, the cover of her magazine caught her eye. It was a picture of her and another of Oliver.

“ _Secret Reunion, Rendezvous in LA_ ,” she read in her mind. “ _Is the Agency II real?_ ”

She rolled her eyes internally and tried to ignore the girl and to focus on her task at end. But her curiosity had been poked.

“Excuse-me,” she said to the girl, a teenager wearing shorts that were way too short for anyone under eighteen to wear.

“Yes?” She said.

“Can I borrow your magazine for a second?”

“Sure, but it’s an old issue.”

“I don’t mind,” she replied.

The girl handed her the magazine. “Wait a minute… You’re Felicity Smoak?”

Felicity nodded, her ponytail bouncing on her shoulders. “Yes, I’m her… I mean it’s me.”

“I’m a huge fan!” The girl squealed. “Is there going to be a second Agency movie? Are you back with Oliver Queen? I don’t like Laurel Lance very much, I hated what she tweeted after you won the Emmy. She was just so jealous of you. I loved your dress by the way, you looked amazing and your speech damn… It was glorious and-“

“Wow, slow down, slow down,” Felicity said, amused to have found someone as talkative as her.

The girl blushed. “I’m sorry!”

“No need to apologize! I’m happy to meet you.”

“Me too! Can I take a picture with you?”

“Sure,” Felicity replied, taking off her baseball cap and sunglasses.

“Thanks,” the girl replied, taking her phone out of her pockets. She snapped a few pictures of the two of them. “You can keep the magazine,” she told her when she was done.

“Thank you. Can you keep a secret?”

The girl nodded.

“There is going to be a second Agency movie,” she confessed, winking.

The girl’s eyes widened. “Really???”

“Yes really! But don’t tell anyone!”

“That’s so amazing, I hope you and Oliver get back together!”

Felicity snorted.

So. Not. Happening.

“We’re just co-workers!”

The girl shrugged. “Sure! Do you mind if I post the pic on Twitter?”

Felicity shook her head. “No go ahead. It was nice meeting you…?” Her voice trailed off.

“Maya,” she answered.

“Maya. It was nice to meet you! Have a nice end of day.”

“Thank you, you too!” She replied waving a hand at her.

Felicity waved her hand back before hailing a cab. It was only when she was comfortably settled that she opened the magazine. She usually didn’t pay any attention to gossips but that cover had caught her eyes but then, she guessed it was meant to.

 

“COUPLE ALERT

Is Olicity getting back together?

_An article by Vanessa H. Dean_

What is going on in Hollywood? Oliver Queen, 31, and ex-fiancée Felicity Smoak, 27, have both been spotted not once but twice near _The Parker’s Theatre,_ the very place where Queen proposed to her in 2011! Sadly, we haven’t gotten any picture of the two of them together but you know me guys, I don’t believe in coincidences. Moreover, the second day they were seen in the neighborhood, director John Diggle, 39, was there too. Do you see where I’m going with this? There was probably some truth to the rumors that started with Diggle’s visit and shady questions to Smoak at _Comic-Con_ last July. **There might be a second Agency movie in prep!** I can barely contain my excitement!

 _The Agency_ is one of my favorite movies and Thelan is definitely among my all-time favorite movie couples, especially because of Queen and Smoak’s incredible chemistry. Now I can only hope that this on-screen reunion will lead to the off-screen reunion of Olicity.

For the record, Queen and Smoak met in 2008 and started dating shortly after. Queen proposed to Smoak in Mach 2011. She broke off their engagement a few months later after he allegedly cheated on her with his co-star from _Emerald Archer_ , Laurel Lance, 31. Olicity was never seen together again. We had hopes they’d get back together but then rumors about Smoak being involved with Tommy Merlyn, 31 and at the time Oliver’s best friend, spread and Olicity was definitely over.

We know Queen and Merlyn don’t talk to each other anymore and that he and Smoak remained close but they have always denied being together. So I guess there’s still hope for Olicity to thrive again now that some time has passed.

What do you think guys? Are you excited about the new Agency movie? Do you want to see Oliver and Felicity back together?

_Vanessa H. Dean”_

 

* * *

 

**_Sunset Tower Hotel – October 28 th, 2016, Los Angeles, US_ **

 

The first thing Felicity did after she closed the door of her bedroom was dropped the magazine in a trash can, where it belonged. She then willed herself not to think about it anymore. She should have known reading it would only bring back bitter memories. She collapsed on her bed and sighed heavily, rubbing a hand over her face. She took a deep breath, her lower lip quivering.

A few years ago, she would have drowned the pain she was feeling in alcohol. She would have wrapped her heart in white powder so that it wouldn’t hurt anymore. She would have done anything to dull her feelings and emotions.

Anything.

But she was different now, at least she was trying to be. She was stronger now.

She breathed, in and out, slowly, forcing her heart to settle in her chest.

A distraction.

That was what she needed, something to take her mind off things.

She rolled on her stomach and reached for her phone. She unlocked it and went to call Diggle, Lyla’s words in mind.

_“Next time you’re in town, you should come over and have dinner with us.”_

She paused though, doubts and fear holding her back. She didn’t really know where they stood anymore. Five years ago, they were friends but when Felicity had decided to put her past behind her, it had included putting the Diggles behind and never speak to them, ever again. She had tried to do the same thing with Tommy, with much less success. She felt weird to call them after all these years, even if it was Lyla who had insisted she did it. Sure they had gotten reacquainted and she was in touch with them – she had started adapting her training routine to prepare herself for shooting _The Agency II,_ as she would wrap _The Lawyer_ ’s second season one day and then start shooting the movie the next day – but it was for business. Wouldn’t it be awkward to have dinner with them? She knew she’d feel awkward and bad, especially considering how she’d shut them out of her life without giving them an explanation. What would she tell them?

_Sorry, I was too busy having a breakdown to call you back, but wow your risotto is still delicious, can I have some more?_

Yeah that sounded super lame, even in her head.

Seriously, what would they talk about? And what if they asked her personal questions? What would she say to them? What if they brought Oliver up? How would she react?

And what if Lyla had only invited her out of politeness? What if she hadn’t meant for Felicity to take her upon her words?

What if? What if? What if?

She dropped her phone on a pillow and groaned, feeling like an idiot.

She rubbed her eyes, knowing what her therapist would say if they were here.

_“You’re overthinking things. You’re letting your fears hold your back because you’re too scared to get out of your comfort zone. You’re looking for an exit.”_

Well, what if she was? The word “comfort” was “in comfort zone” for a reason, right?

She took a deep breath.

Okay, she could do this. She could totally do this.

She clicked dialed.

Diggle answered quickly, as usual.

“Felicity, hey!” He greeted her.

“John good afternoon! I hope I’m not bothering you!” She sat down on her bed, nervously putting her hair back behind her ears.

“No, no you’re not bothering me! How are you?”

“I’m good thank you,” she said hesitantly, biting her inner cheek. “You?”

“I’m good too!” He replied.

“Listen, uh… I’m in town for the weekend and Lyla said to call you next time I was in town so that we could, maybe grab dinner or something, I don’t really know what she had in mind!”

“Oh yeah right! You should definitely come by, we’d be happy to have you.”

Felicity let a small relieved laugh. “Really? I don’t want to bother you!”

“You won’t! We’re free tonight, let’s say 7pm? How does that sound for you?”

“Sounds perfect! Thank you really!”

“No thank you for calling. Lyla will be thrilled, see you later!”

“See you later!”

She hung up only to see she had been tagged in a twitter pic.

 

“ **Maya Mey**

@MayMey

 **@AnotherBlonde** It will be our little secret! **instagram.com/p/NGe6aiKlmcd/**

5:46 PM – 28 Oct 16”

 

She liked and retweeted, a small smile on her face.

 

* * *

 

**_John and Lyla Diggle’s house – October 28 th, 2016, Los Angeles, US_ **

 

A very pregnant Lyla opened the door to Felicity. Her eyes actually widened when she saw how pregnant she was.

“Lyla hey!” She said, trying to work past her shock. She really looked like she was about to give birth.

“Felicity hi!” She replied cheerfully, pulling her in for a tight hug – which was a bit weird because of her belly between them but they made it work. “Come on in!”

“Right,” the blonde said, following her inside. “These are for you,” she added, handing her the flowers she had brought along. She hated showing up somewhere empty-handed.

“They’re beautiful, you shouldn’t have!”

“It was nothing!” Felicity was quick to assure her. “How are you?” She asked.

“Fine thank you,” Lyla said. “What about you?”

“I’m great,” she replied.

“Can I offer you anything to drink? John and Sara are out getting me, us, a strawberry pie for desert because you know food cravings _never_ stops. They should be back soon but it doesn’t mean we can’t have a drink while waiting for them. I seem to remember you like red wine, do you want some?”

“No thank you,” Felicity was quick to replied, nervously playing with the hem of her skirt. “I don’t drink,” she explained.

“Oh,” Lyla said gracefully. “That’s okay, one of the advantages of being pregnant and raising a child is that we always have juices around. Do you want some?”

“That would be perfect!” Lyla moved toward the kitchen but Felicity held her back. “Do you want me to go get our drinks? Don’t take this the wrong way but you look like you’re about to pop your baby number 2 right on this floor and maybe you should be sitting comfortably on your couch and not entertaining a guest.”

“Felicity you’re sweet but I promise I’m okay! Although you’re right, I can’t wait for this little one to get out.”

Felicity’s eyes fell on her belly and softened significantly. She felt a little twinge of pain in her heart but she didn’t linger on it, focusing on Lyla instead.

“When are you due?” She asked.

“Halloween,” she told her. “Could be before, could be after. I’d rather it be before.”

Felicity chuckled. “I totally understand.” She looked around her and noticed a framed ultrasound lying on a coffee table near the couch.

“Is that…?”

“Our son? Yes,” Lyla confirmed. “Last ultrasound.”

Felicity pinched her lips together, the sight of the small black and white image of the baby sucking his thumb bringing back memories of another black and white image and of another baby sucking his thumb.

“Felicity are you alright?” Lyla asked her, feeling her sudden stiffness.

The blonde shook herself out of her trance. “I’m perfect. Should I go get our drinks?”

Lyla gave her a look. “If you insist.”

“I do.”

“Okay then go.”

They had been sitting on the couch and chatting lightly when John and their daughter Sara came back. Felicity could only describe Sara as a ball of energy with bouncing black curls on top of her head. She came to them rushing, soft giggles escaping her.

“Mommy!” The six-year-old squealed. “We got your pie!”

“Thank you baby,” Lyla replied, kissing the top of her head.

“I hope the baby likes it,” the little girl said and Felicity felt her heart clench in her chest at so much cuteness.

“I’m sure he will,” Lyla told her, threading her fingers through her hair tenderly.

Felicity gazed tenderly at the motherly gesture. When she looked up, she saw that John was looking at her with that look of his that made her feel like he could see right through her.

And he usually did.

“Hi John!” She greeted him, getting up from the couch.

“Hi Felicity!”

“Who’s this?” Sara asked, tilting her head toward her.

“This is Felicity,” Diggle explained. “Mommy and daddy’s friend I told you would come for dinner.”

“Hi munchkin,” Felicity said kneeling in front of her. “You may not remember me but we’ve met before. You were about this big,” she added, showing her with her hands.

“I was a baby,” she giggled.

“You were the cutest baby ever!” Felicity told her.

She squealed in delight and let Felicity kiss her cheek hello. Five minutes later, Felicity was engrossed in a conversation about Disney princesses and Halloween costumes and Zac Elvares the little boy at school who had made her a beautiful drawing. Sara even ran upstairs to show her the drawing and it was indeed beautiful.

When dinner was ready they moved to the table and Sara insisted Felicity sat next to her. That was when John tried to cut in but Felicity was quick to tell him it was okay and that Sara wasn’t bothering her at all. Diggle started telling her about what he had been working on, aside from _The Agency II_ and she listened carefully, smiling when Lyla would intervene and feed her a few gossips. She told them why she was in town and they congratulated her on her interview with _Inside Acting._ Sara had left the table by then, a little bit bored with adults’ talk and was watching a movie in the living-room. Felicity smiled when she recognized the voice of Zachary Levi, whom she’d met at Comic-Con, and assumed the little girl was watching _Rapunzel._

Lyla left her and John alone to bring Sara a slice of strawberry pie.

“So, how are you doing Felicity?” John asked, his eyes solely focused on her.

“Good,” she said, nodding. “Very good thank you.”

“I couldn’t help but notice you and Oliver are now following each other on Twitter.”

Felicity sighed internally. “We’re trying to be cordial. We’re going to shoot a movie together after all.”

“Hmmm…”

“Don’t “hmmm” me,” she said, feeling a little annoyed.

He held back a chuckle.

“And don’t laugh!” She added.

That only widened the smile on his face and Felicity rolled her eyes at him.

“I heard Ray Palmer was leaving your show,” he mentioned casually.

“Yeah,” Felicity said, letting her voice trail off.

“It’s funny,” Diggle went on. “A man known for his inappropriate behavior leaves a show right after the lead actress made a very inspired speech.”

Felicity shrugged. “Well, what can I say?”

“I’m proud of you Felicity,” John told her, his tone gentle and his eyes unwavering.

She shifted nervously under his gaze. “For what?”

“For getting better,” he said and she read in his eyes all the things he left unsaid.

For standing up for yourself. For being here. For trying.

“Hm… Johnny!” Lyla’s voice called from the living-room.

Felicity and John exchanged a look. There was urgency in her voice, it was all tensed and high-pitched. John’s eyes widened. Felicity’s eyes widened too.

“Oh no,” he whispered.

They both got up from their seats and rushed to the living-room. Lyla was sitting on the couch. She was pinching her lips tightly, holding her belly with one hand. There was a puddle on the floor and Felicity took a step back, her hand covering her chest.

“I’m sorry,” Lyla said through gritted teeth. “I think the baby’s coming.”

“It’s alright hon,” John said, kissing her temple. “Take a deep breath. Where’s Sara?”

“Bathroom,” she breathed.

“Okay, I’ll go get your bag and then I’m going to drive you to the hospital.”

“What about Sara?”

“I can watch her,” Felicity immediately offered, tearing her eyes away from the puddle on the floor. “Until you call her nanny or whoever is supposed to be watching her.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind?” Diggle asked.

“Yes now go! I’m pretty sure you don’t want your son to be born on this couch.”

“We really owe you one,” Diggle said grabbing her shoulders. For a second she thought he’d hug her but that wasn’t really his style. He squeezed her shoulders instead before he rushed to get Lyla’s bag.

“Sara’s in the bathroom upstairs,” Lyla informed her, her breathing uneven. She was holding on the couch so tightly her fingers were turning white.

“I’ll talk to her,” Felicity said, sitting down next to her and rubbing her back hoping to alleviate some of her pain.

“Thank you,” Lyla whispered. “I’m sorry,” she quickly added.

“What? You’re having a baby, there’s nothing wrong with that,” Felicity tried to reassure her.

“The night’s ruined.”

“Who cares, you’re having a baby!”

“Yeah right,” Lyla chuckled, beads of sweat running down her neck.

Felicity rubbed her back a little bit harder. She was entirely focused on her task using it as a distraction against the memories the situation was stirring. John walked back in a few minutes later.

“We’re good to go!”

He came over to Lyla and helped her up. Felicity watched as she carefully held onto her belly and she bit the inside of her cheek.

“I texted Oliver, he should be here within the hour,” John told Felicity.

“Oliver?”

“Yeah to watch Sara. Thank you again Felicity, for everything!”

“Don’t mention it, take care of your wife!”

She closed the door behind them only to find Sara standing on the stairs.

“Where are mommy and daddy?” She asked, holding a soft toy against her chest.

“They’re…” Felicity hesitated and she twisted her hands together, nervousness hitting her, _hard_. Also she recognized the rabbit Sara was holding in her arms, she had bought it for her with Oliver and now was really not the time to open that particular box of memories.

“They’re at the hospital,” she said. “The baby is coming.”

“Where’s Uncle Oliver? He said he’d watch me when the baby comes.”

“He’s on his way, your daddy called him. I’ll watch you until he arrives… Is that okay?” She added tilting her head.

The little girl nodded and Felicity let out a relieved sigh. She wasn’t looking forward to Oliver’s arrival. They hadn’t spoken since the Emmys, except for a few congratulatory tweets and she didn’t know how things would be between them after the bathroom disaster. She had known she’d have to face him again eventually but she had hoped more time would have passed.

“Great! Do you want to keep watching _Rapunzel_?” She asked desperate for something else to think about while also feeling totally out of her element.

“There’s water on the floor.”

Felicity closed her eyes and swallowed heavily.

“Yeah right that.” She paused for a second, fighting back to lump of emotions forming in her throat. This was more than what she had signed up for she realized and maybe, just maybe she’d been too quick to offer to watch the little girl. “Hmm… Do you know where your parents keep cleaning stuff?”

She shook her head no.

“Maybe in the kitchen?” Felicity suggested, offering her hand to the little girl. She took it and the two of them made their way to the kitchen. Felicity opened the cabinet under the sink and she found some rugs.

“Stay here,” Felicity told her. “I’m going to clean up the floor, okay?”

Sara nodded. A few minutes later Felicity was coming back to her, her task completed. She had even cleaned up the dining table from the remnants of their unfinished dinner.

“So...” She asked her voice shaking just slightly. “Do you want to keep watching _Rapunzel_ now? We still haven’t eaten that strawberry pie you got with your daddy,” she added, trying to cheer the little girl up.

“Can I have ice-cream with the pie?” She hopefully asked. “Uncle Oliver always lets me eat ice-cream!”

Felicity hesitated for a second but then Sara pouted a little and looked at her with her big brown eyes and she found her resistance melting, no pun intended. She moved back to the living-room, grabbed the plate with the slice of pie Lyla had brought to Sara.

“Do you think we should wait for Uncle Oliver?” Sara asked her as Felicity was cutting a slice of pie for herself.

“He doesn’t like strawberry pie,” she automatically replied.

Sara scrunched her little nose. “Do you know Uncle Oliver?”

Felicity cleared her throat and moved to the freezer. “We’ve met before,” she said, coming back with vanilla ice-cream.

“I love Uncle Oliver,” Sara told her passionately. “He lets me eat ice-cream, calls me princess and lets me up after my bedtime.”

“Oh he does that really?” Felicity said, arching an eyebrow.

“But you can’t tell mommy and daddy about this,” Sara went on.

“I won’t,” Felicity promised, finishing to put ice-cream in their plate.

She wasn’t that much surprised by what Sara had just told her. Oliver had always been amazing with kids. His sister Thea was ten years younger than him and he had always taken good care of her. She knew he had always loved kids and she remembered having some one day had always been very important to him.

“Are you okay?” Sara asked, her small hand covering hers.

“I’m fine kiddo,” she replied, squeezing her hand.

“You’re crying.”

“What?” Felicity wiped at her eyes. She hadn’t even realized a few tears had fallen from her eyes. “I’m sorry kiddo, I’m fine. How about we move back to the living-room?” She tried to distract her, tempting her with her plate filled with pie and ice-cream.

“Yay!” She squealed in delight, running away from Felicity.

When the blonde met her again, she was already settled on the couch. She patted a spot next to her and Felicity sat down there. Immediately, Sara snuggled into her side, her head fitting under her arm perfectly. Felicity stiffened, surprised by the gesture of affection.

“Daddy says hugs make everything better,” Sara explained and Felicity had to swallow back the lump of emotions that had formed in her throat.

“Your daddy is a really wise man.”

Thirty minutes later, the little girl was fast asleep against her and Felicity found herself truly amazed by her. She was a sweet child, still kind and innocent. And obviously, she had already adopted her.

She heard the door open and close and she straightened up in the couch.

“Hello?” Oliver’s voice called. He walked inside the living-room and Felicity’s heart jumped in her chest at the sight of him. “Felicity.” The surprise was evident in his tone. “What are you doing here?” He asked her.

“I was invited to dinner,” she explained awkwardly. “And obviously John didn’t tell you I was the one watching Sara.”

“I thought the neighbor was watching her,” he admitted, taking a step closer.

She thought she saw a flash of something in his eyes when he saw that Sara was sleeping in her arms but he quickly turned his head away from them, his eyes falling on the TV screen and the movie that was still playing. Felicity carefully disentangled herself from Sara, she didn’t want to wake her up. She got on her feet and took a step toward Oliver.

“I guess I’ll leave the two of you be,” she told him.

“Yeah,” he said, scratching the back of his head.

The tension, and awkwardness, between the two of them was so thick, Felicity could have cut it with a butter knife. She reached for her bag and made her way to the door.

“Felicity wait,” Oliver called her back.

She turned around, seeing that he’d followed her.

“What?” She asked, her eyes meeting his.

He opened his mouth but no words came out. Not that she needed him to say anything. Everything he meant to say was written on his face. But still, she didn’t try to understand him. She was tired of playing that game, of reading him. If he wanted to say something to her, he had to say it.

“I… I don’t want things to be like this between us,” he eventually confessed. “We agreed to focus on the present, let go of the past.”

“That didn’t work out,” she pointed out.

“The movie is never going to happen if you can barely look at me in the eyes.”

She hadn’t realized she hadn’t been meeting his eyes until he had mentioned it. She looked up, letting out a shaky breath. She saw so much in these blue eyes of his, they held so many memories. It was hard to look at him and remember. They also held so many secrets. It was hard to look at him and wonder. It was hard to accept that his secrets weren’t hers to know anymore.

“Happy now?” She asked, her voice shaking.

She was just so weak. She had promised herself not to feel anything and there she was, hurting because of him, of them. Always because of them.

He shook his head. “We need to talk Felicity.”

“What happened to “focus on the present” and “let go of the past”?”

“Didn’t work out,” he shot back and she had to bite back a scream of frustration.

“It’s been only five seconds! Maybe you should try harder,” she suggested.

There, that was she needed. To focus on her frustration, on her anger. It was easier to resist to the pull between them that way.

He sighed. “You know you can’t run forever right?”

“I’m not running. I just don’t see the point of reopening old wounds,” she stubbornly stated even though she knew that was a hideous lie. You couldn’t reopen something that had never healed in the first place.

“Right,” he said, looking annoyed. “I guess I’ll see you.”

“Same,” she replied before opening the door and disappearing in the darkness of the night.

 

* * *

 

**_Cedars-Sinai Medical Center – October 29 th, 2016, Los Angeles, US_ **

****

Felicity came straight from her interview to the hospital. She bought a cute dog with big blue eyes on her way to Lyla’s room. While she was paying, she tried really hard not to think about the fact that the last time she had been here, she had been visiting Lyla too, after Sara’s birth. September 2010, she recalled. She’d bought a cute white rabbit with a pink bow on top of its fluffy head. It was the same rabbit Sara had been holding the previous day, although its white color had faded a little bit over the years. Felicity’s lower lip quivered. She remembered that day perfectly. She and Oliver, because at the time they were pretty much inseparable, had fought over what to buy for thirty minutes, Oliver insisting on getting baby Sara a giant teddy bear. Felicity had won that fight but it hadn’t stopped Oliver from getting Sara a giant teddy bear later.

“Knock, knock!” Felicity said, smiling brightly.

“Hey, you came!” Lyla replied.

She was sitting in her bed and looked well, just a little bit tired but that was to be expected. She had just given birth to a tiny human being after all.

“Of course I came!” She held the dog. “For the baby,” she said, “congratulations!”

“John took him for a walk. Sara wanted something to drink.”

So Oliver was here too. Felicity brushed that thought aside.

“How are you?” She asked, sitting next to Lyla.

“Exhausted,” she replied and now that Felicity was closer to her, she could see the dark bags under her eyes. “But happy, so happy,” she quickly added.

“I can imagine,” Felicity replied.

“How are you Felicity? How did your interview go?”

“Fine, everything’s fine with me.”

“Great,” Lyla said, her blue eyes looking at her thoughtfully. “And how are things with Oliver?”

Felicity pinched her lips together tightly. “I’d rather not talk about that.”

“Yeah that’s what he said.”

“I wish he hadn’t said anything.”

“I know and I don’t want to talk about him. I want to talk about you, how you are feeling.”

“Shouldn’t we be talking about you and your baby?” Felicity snapped before immediately regretting her outburst. “I’m sorry… I just – I just don’t want to talk about Oliver. If you’re worried about the movie, don’t. We can be professional.”

“I’m not worried about the movie, I’m worried about my friends. You know Laurel is not the one for him.”

“Yet, she’s the one he chose.”

“That’s not what happened Felicity…” Lyla tried to say.

Felicity shrugged. “Whatever.”

Lyla reached for her hands, and squeezed tightly, hoping to bring her some comfort. Her fingers brushed against her tattoo. She looked up, a question in her eyes.

“Milo?”

“Please don’t,” Felicity said, tears burning the corner of her eyes.

She pulled away and got up, putting some distance between them.

“After the breakup, John kept an eye on you, you know? He cared about you so much.”

Felicity looked down, feeling shame blossom in her chest.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t a good friend to you.”

Lyla shook her head. “He kept an eye on you,” she went on. “And he heard about your – about your dark spiral.”

Felicity stiffened. There had been a lot of rumors circulating about her. Not all of them had been true.

“It wasn’t because of the breakup, was it?”

Felicity didn’t say anything for the longest while. Because she wasn’t in the hospital room anymore, at least not this one. She was in a different one, in a different city. And she was living the worst day of her life.

“No,” she eventually said, tearing herself from the memory. “No it wasn’t.”

Lyla opened her mouth to say something but Diggle carrying Sara and Oliver carrying John Junior came back.

And Felicity felt like she had been simultaneously slapped in the face and punched in the stomach.

Seeing Oliver gently cradling the new-born baby against his chest was _not_ a vision she had been prepared for. She blinked, her heart clenching painfully in her chest and she felt a bitter taste in her mouth.

“Felicity hey!” He greeted her. “Do you want to hold my godson?”

 “I’m sorry no,” she said her throat tight with emotions. “I need to go to the bathroom,” she pretexted.

Before anyone could stop her, she was rushing outside the bedroom and down the corridor. She had noticed where the bathroom were when she had come in. She slammed the door shut with her back and slid along until she was sitting on the floor, tears streaming down her face. Waves of pain were coming from her throbbing heart, coursing through her veins. Her lungs swelled in her chest and she hiccupped, needing more air but finding none. She was shaking like a leaf in autumn, and she felt a cold shiver ran down her spine as she sucked in a ragged breath. She brought her knees to her chest, desperately trying to make herself as small as possible, wishing that she could just disappear and the pain along with her.

But she couldn’t.

There was no escaping this.

There was no escaping the pain caused by the sight of Oliver holding the son of someone else while he had never held his own son in his arms.

There was no escaping it. So she let it overwhelm her.

And she broke.

 

* * *

 

**_Lenox Hill Hospital – July 14 th, 2011, New-York, US_ **

 

Felicity was sitting on a hospital bed, her feet dangling at the edge of the bed when the door to her room opened. A tall dark-haired man walked in. He was wearing a blouse and holding a file. Her file, she guessed.

“Good afternoon Ms. Smoak, I’m doctor Benson and I’ll be treating you today!”

“Good afternoon doctor,” Felicity replied, shaking his hand. “I’m sorry to be wasting your time,” she told him. He arched an eyebrow in confusion. “This is a misunderstanding,” she clarified. “I’m perfectly fine.”

“You passed out at work,” he stated blankly.

“Right,” she admitted. “I’ve been working a lot lately, and doing a lot of night shots so maybe I’m a little tired.”

“I’m afraid your results tell me a different story.”

“Oh?” Felicity said, a lump forming in her throat.

“Ms. Smoak, when was your last period?”

She blinked. “I –“ She hesitated. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “But I’ve been under a lot of pressure lately.”

If you could call finding your fiancé with his co-star’s tongue down his throat and breaking off your engagement “pressure” of course.

“Well, I don’t think pressure has anything to do with it.”

She frowned her head in confusion, feeling something tighten in her stomach and clench in her chest.

“You’re 8-week pregnant Ms. Smoak.”

She blinked. “I’m not.”

“Yes you are,” he insisted. “The urine and blood test both say you are actually.”

No.

This couldn’t be… She couldn’t be…

“I’m on the pill,” she objected. “I don’t understand, I never missed one, ever.”

The doctor gently smiled at her. There was a compassionate look on his face and that was what broke her.

Her shoulders dropped as a weight settled on them. Breathing became difficult, her lungs felt as if they had been stuck together while her legs felt heavy, as if they had been filled with lead. All her body felt suddenly too tight, too compressing. She wanted to collapse. She wanted to collapse and to never get up, ever again.

“I’m really sorry Ms. Smoak. It’s obvious this is a shock to you and I don’t know what you think of all this beyond that but you have to know you have options, if this is something you’re not ready for.”

Felicity didn’t hear him, not really.

Pregnant. She was pregnant.

And she wasn’t talking to her fiancé, he wasn’t even her fiancé anymore. But he was her baby’s father. The thought brought tears to her eyes. Oliver, her Oliver, the man she both loved and hated most on this planet, was going to be a father. She was carrying his child, _their_ child. The tears started rolling down her cheeks. This should have been the happiest moment of her life but he had to go and ruin everything and there she was, cold and alone and crying in an exam room with a stranger in a city that wasn’t her home.

She looked up and saw that doctor Benson was handing her a box of tissue.

“I’m sorry,” she said, blowing her nose. “I’m not usually like this.”

“It’s quite alright. It’s highly likely your hormones are to blame for this,” he told her.

She snorted. She didn’t need hormones to cry. Just taking a look at the wreck that was her life was enough.

“Do you want to keep your baby Ms. Smoak?”

She knew most women would have been offended by the question but he was only doing his job, especially because she had started crying crocodile tears of sadness after he had broken the news to her.

Did she want to keep her baby?

“Whatever you decide, you have to know we’ll do our best to help you.”

She nodded. “I – I’m sorry for the tears, as I told you before I’ve been under a lot of pressure,” she explained. “I want to keep my baby, of course I want to. I’m just… The timing isn’t ideal but I want to keep it.”

“Alright then allow me to congratulate you.”

She gave him a small smile.

“If that’s alright with you, I’d like to perform an ultrasound, only to make sure your little one is alright and that everything is where it should be.”

She blinked.

An ultrasound?

She was about to see her baby?

That baby she hadn’t even known existed mere minutes ago. He wanted her to see it.

Her head started spinning.

“Uh, alright I guess.”

“We’ll try an abdominal ultrasound first but since you’re only eight weeks, we might not see anything and in that case, we’ll perform a vaginal ultrasound.

A few minutes later, everything was ready for the ultrasound.

“The gel is a bit cold,” Doctor Benson warned her.

She stiffened when the gel hit her skin. It was _cold._ Doctor Benson brought a mouse device and placed it directly on the gel, spreading it on her skin. His eyes remained entirely focused on the screen. Felicity did the same, her heart pounding loudly in her chest. She was searching for something, she didn’t know what, but she was searching for it.

“Come on,” Doctor Benson cheerfully said. “Today’s not the day to play hide-and-seek little one. Your momma wants to see you.”

Felicity bit on her lower lip. Momma. She was a mother. To an eight-week embryo but still. She was a mother.

“Oh there you are,” he finally said, a small smile stretching his lips.

Felicity’s eyes widened. “Where?” She asked.

“There,” he pointed at a small blurred spot on the screen.

She felt pure unadulterated love spread inside her, so much it made her heart swell in her chest. Then, she noticed a rapid beat, a whooshing sound. Her baby’s heartbeat.

She was pregnant with a baby and their heart was beating and it was the most beautiful sound she’d ever heard. And she had no one to share that with.

Her heart clenched in her chest.

And more tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Everything seemed to be in order momma,” Doctor Benson told her. “That’s a strong and healthy little one that you’ve got here.”

He was already just like his father.

She swallowed, hard.

God, what was she going to do? How was she going to tell him?

She had ignored all his calls and texts since their breakup, since she had moved her things out of their apartment and left her key under the mat.

But now she was pregnant. With their baby. She had seen it, listened to the staccato beat of his heart. It was real, it was happening. Oliver deserved to know, he needed to know. She had to stop running and face him.

Problem was, she didn’t know if she could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to remind you guys that the story is being told at a rather slow pace, that's all on me, and that you don't have all the information yet and most things you know have only been told from ONE perspective. So for all of you who are worrying about Oliver cheating on Felicity with Laurel... You should know something did happen, Felicity did see them kiss, but 1/ I can already tell you nothing more happened than the kiss she remembers in the chapter's flashback and 2/ things aren't always what they seem to be. Just trust me guys? It's an Olicity story, with a happy ending. 
> 
> So, what did you guys think?  
> Don't hesitate to tell me in a review or leave a kudo. They both make me incredibly happy!
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/JustineC_M  
> and Tumblr: http://charlie-leau.tumblr.com/  
> Don't be afraid to come and talk to me. I don't bite! :)


	6. The breakup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!! 
> 
> I know it's been a long while since I updated and I apologize for the delay. I don't want to bother you with the reasons of my absence so I'll just say I'm kind of back and I'll try to update my stories regularly but I can't make any promises, because real life is hard to predict. I hope you understand and won't be too mad at me. It'll take some time but I'll finish all my stories, and perhaps write you guys some more if you feel like reading more of me!
> 
> I want to thank you for the amazing response this story has gotten. It makes me really happy! I hope you'll like this new chapter :) Trigger warning for some Lauliver scenes *ugh*. This is an Oliver centric chapter and I hope you'll understand him better after reading it.
> 
> As usual, I apologize for any mistakes, I'm not a native, as many of you know :)
> 
> With no further delay, happy reading!

 

  **As usual be careful with the date indications because of the flashback!**

 

* * *

 

**_The Beverly Hilton – January 8 th, 2017, Beverly Hills, US_ **

****

Oliver had been in the acting business for a while now and tonight all these years he had spent mastering the art of pretending and smiling in spite of the storm raging inside of him were a real blessing. Because no one, from the journalists shouting at him and snapping pictures of him to his colleagues shaking his hand and Laurel, who was plastered to his side, could tell a hurricane was actually wrecking his insides.

It was so fucking messed up when he thought about it.

He wasn’t nominated in any category but still he was more nervous than if he had been.

But then what he would possibly have to do tonight was way scarier than winning or losing an award.

Because tonight, he would be giving a prize to the best actress in a television drama series.

And chances were high that actress was Felicity Smoak, although Oliver was pretty sure she was the only one who didn’t know that.

He hadn’t seen her since they had met at the hospital after John and Lyla’s baby had been born. It had been a very awkward encounter. She had barely spoken a word after she had come back from her trip to the bathroom and… The sight of her when she had walked back in… Well, it still haunted his dreams. Something had obviously been wrong with her but he hadn’t dared ask what. She never would have answered him anyway.

And that was Oliver’s problem.

Felicity still refused to talk to him. She was running away, the same way she had all those years ago.

And that made him so fucking mad!

Oliver had been an idiot more times than he could count in his life. He had been an idiot to go to that party, to drink that much and to kiss Laurel – even though if he remembered correctly, she had been the one to jump his bones. Not that it mattered, he never should have found himself in a position where anyone else but his fiancée could kiss him. He had been an idiot to try to be happy with her after losing the love of his life. And when she’d come back in his life, he had been an idiot to think things could remain strictly professional between them, to trust that he could be with her _without_ being with her, to believe they could let go of their past.

So really, he had been one hell of an idiot.

But he had only realized how much of an idiot he had actually been at the Emmys.

The truth was, he couldn’t let go of the past. Not now that he had seen Felicity again, that he had talked to her, seen her smile and touched her skin… He couldn’t keep things professional, he couldn’t let go of their past. He couldn’t stop things from getting emotional. And he couldn’t help being attracted to her. He had always been, since the first day they had met.

Right now, he wanted nothing more than talk, say the things he- they should have said a long time ago. All the things that had weighed down on his heart, on his shoulders for five long years, he wanted to shout at her. And he wanted her to listen, he wanted her to talk and shout back, to say all the things she’d never dared say either.

But she didn’t want to.

And that was making him so mad…!

He didn’t know how to approach that woman. She was still his Felicity only ten times worse.

The thing with Felicity was that she had always surrounded herself with walls and used her witty mind to protect herself. Even now, she still did that, defending herself by attacking. He had recently been on the receiving end of her sharp words. What she had told him in the bathroom at the Emmys… Well, she couldn’t have hurt him more if she had directly knocked him in the nuts. A few years ago, it had taken close to a year of them being together before she had first told him she loved him. So really, he was used to her walls and he was used to breaking them. But this time… This time the task seemed impossible. They were so thick and high, he couldn’t see the end of them. And it sucked, it really did because he wanted to talk, they _needed_ to talk.

And she just wouldn’t give him anything and that was making him so mad, just as mad as it had made him when she had thrown her engagement ring back at him without letting him explain himself, without giving him a chance to. Three years of bliss and that was what he had deserved. A diamond ring crashing on the pavement of a dirty alley. And now, after five years apart, she still refused to give him anything, even just a chance to talk things out so that they could move on for good.

And that made him so, _so_ mad.

“Babe, are you alright?”

Laurel’s voice by his side tore him out of his thoughts. She was wearing a beautiful one-shoulder navy blue evening gown, and her hair was tied in a complicated up-do on top of her head. She looked gorgeous, she was gorgeous yet she wasn’t the gorgeous blonde he wanted to be with.

He smiled at her though and squeezed her waist.

“I’m fine,” he lied and they resumed their walk on the red carpet.

The thing was Oliver hadn’t been the best boyfriend to Laurel lately. Actually, he had never been a good boyfriend to her but this time it felt worse. Since they had gotten back together during the summer, they hadn’t fought, and he hadn’t fallen back into his old ways. Not for lack of opportunity, but because he hadn’t wanted to. That should have been good except it wasn’t. He hadn’t wanted to fight with her because he had stopped caring about what she said or what they did. And since they hadn’t fought, he hadn’t tried to hurt her by cheating, which he knew was terrible. Not that she was much better than him on that last point, she was just better at not getting caught. They were truly terrible for each other and yet they had always gotten back together. Oliver, because he didn’t want the relationship that had cost him Felicity to fail and Laurel, because she liked the idea of them together, Hollywood’s power couple, the two co-stars turned into lovers. But even though Oliver hadn’t been unfaithful to her in body, he had been in mind if not in heart.

Because of Felicity Smoak.

Maybe it was why Laurel had reacted the way she had when they had first learnt about the sequel to _The_ _Agency_.

Maybe she had known this would happen.

When Oliver had come home to Star City for the holidays his mother had given him a ring for Laurel. It hadn’t been her ring, that one he had kept somewhere safe after Felicity had given it back to him, but it had been a family heirloom coming straight from the Queen’s vault. And he had taken the ring with no intention of doing anything with it.

If only he could at least feel bad about it.

But he didn’t.

The heart wants what it wants. Wasn’t there a song about that?

Speaking of his heart, it skipped a beat when he heard _her_ name being shouted.

He turned around and saw she was wearing a black evening gown, with a long-sleeved and embroidered top. She had pinned her blonde curls on top of her head and her arm was safely tucked under a tall black-haired guy’s arm. He was wearing a tux and whatever he had been whispering to her must have been extremely funny because she threw her head back, laughing heartily. Oliver recognized him immediately, he’d seen enough pictures and videos of the two of them together to know who he was. Barry Allen, a Broadway star turned into a television actor. They were with Harrison Wells and his wife, the executive-producers of their show and that was when Oliver remembered their show was also nominated for Best Drama Series.

Felicity looked happy, or at least happier than she had looked at the Emmys. Of course, that time she had been with Ray Palmer, a notorious jerk. Just the thought of him was enough to make Oliver’s blood boil in his veins. God, he had been that close to punch the guy in his stupid face. Apparently he had left the show although rumor had it he had been fired. All the better.

“Earth to Ollie!” Laurel’s voice said next to him.

He tore his eyes away from Felicity and focused back to the woman by his side.

“We need to keep moving. Unless you want to stay here and keep staring at _her_.” She made a face when she said the word and Oliver sighed internally.

“Laurel,” he started as they resumed their walk.

“I wonder why she brought a little boy to The Golden Globes with her.”

Oliver winced. “You may not like her but don’t insult her co-stars.”

The poor kid had done nothing wrong but to show up with the wrong person. Not that there was anything wrong with Felicity.

She snorted. “Oh come on, he looks like he just finished college.”

“I wish I had been a regular actor on a hit TV-show when I finished college,” he replied.

“You’ve never been to college,” she replied, stopping to pose for the photographs.

“Right,” Oliver agreed. He took a deep settling breath. This was going to be a long night.

 

xxx

 

As usual, Ricky Gervais was hosting the ceremony, cracking a few jokes every time he came up on stage, entertaining people in his very own way. Oliver made his way backstage a bit before it was time for him to go up on stage.

“I’m very excited to introduce the next presenter. I’m sure you all know him. Most of the men here probably hate him – seriously it should be illegal to look that good wearing green leather – and most of the women regret already having a husband or a boyfriend…”

Oliver rolled his eyes backstage, a small smile stretching his lips. He wasn’t just a pretty face, he had worked on more serious projects between filming his super-heroes’ movies. But Hollywood was Hollywood and he was still the guy who had started the wave of super-heroes’ movies.

“He is kindly replacing our dear Mel Brown who is too busy having a baby to be with us tonight…” His voice trailed down. “Kidding, we love you Mel and wish you and your family all the best. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Oliver Queen!”

He clutched the envelope holding the name of the winner in his hand and walked on stage under a thunder of applauses. He waved a hand, a bright smile on his lips.

“Good evening everyone,” he said. “To make a great TV-show, you need a great lead actress. You need a strong and compelling woman people will relate to, a woman people will want to follow. The five women who are nominated tonight are all breathtaking, each one in their own way.”

He started naming them, one after one until he reached the last one.

“Felicity Smoak, _The Lawyer_.”

He couldn’t help the way his voice softened, the tenderness that slipped in spite of his resolution to remain neutral.

“And the winner is…”

Slowly he opened the envelope and his heart skipped a beat. He huffed back a laugh and leaned toward the mic, his eyes finding her before he said her name.

“Felicity Smoak!”

Applauses echoed against the walls of the ballroom but Oliver barely heard them. He had his eyes riveted on Felicity. She was the only one that mattered at this moment. He saw the tension in her shoulders relax when she heard her name and she brought a hand up to cover her lips. She was looking at him, her wide opened eyes searching his face, as if she believed he was pulling a joke on her. It was only when Barry’s hands landed on her shoulders that she tore her eyes away from his. She stood up and hugged her co-star and executive-producers before she made her way toward the stage. She kept her eyes down, one of her hands clutching the fabric of her dress tightly. She walked the stairs on her own and a breath got caught in Oliver’s throat when he noticed the slit of her dress, his eyes automatically searching the white creamy color of her skin.

He forced himself to look up and saw that she was only four steps away.

Her lips were quivering.

Three steps.

Her cheeks were red.

Two steps.

A few tears were falling from her eyes.

One step.

She looked a bit scared and lost and knowing her like he did Oliver knew she was a bit overwhelmed by everything that was happening, so fast and so suddenly.

He didn’t really think it through, he just reacted. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her into his chest for a hug. Her chin landed on his shoulders, thanks to the heels she was wearing, and she pressed her cheek against his stubbly one, completely melting against him. His eyes fluttered close for just a second, because that was how much time he’d allow himself to savor the moment.

But then, even a second, spent with the right person, could feel like forever.

She was warm and soft against him, the perfect swell of her breasts pressing into the hard lines of his chest. She was shaking a little bit and so he trailed his hand down her back in a soothing gesture. He inhaled deeply, her perfume filling his lungs. She smelt of blueberries and flowers, something he wasn’t used to since she had always been a citrus and lemon kind of girl when they were together. Still, he could feel something familiar, something that was distinctively her and it made warmth spread in his stomach.

God, how he had missed her.

His lips pressed a kiss against her temple on their own volition and he pulled away right after, his eyes finding hers. She was still crying and he found himself moved to tears as well and he forced himself to hold them back.

“Congratulations,” he whispered, handing her the trophy he was still holding as a distraction from the swirl of emotions he was feeling, in his heart and in his stomach.

She took it from him, her fingers tightening around the small golden globe.

“Thank you,” she said, her voice soft and just slightly throaty. She turned toward the mic and Oliver was about to leave when she reached for his hand. She actually grabbed the fabric of his jacket but he got the hint and remained by her side, instinctively threading his fingers with hers, offering her the anchor point he knew she needed without a second thought.

“I have no words to describe how it makes me feel to receive this from the hands of my first on-screen partner,” she said, her bright blue eyes staring at Oliver.

“I have no words either,” he replied and the crowd laughed even though it was true. There was no words that could encompass how he was feeling. Pride, joy, nostalgia, affection… He was feeling them all in all their complex intensity.

“So just for that, thank you Hollywood Foreign Press Association,” she added, her tone teasing.

“Yeah thank you,” Oliver added, sharing a knowing look with her and for a second he felt like things were back to the way they were before. For a second, they were together again, they had never broken up. For a second, they still loved each other and it was when a small tear rolled down his cheek.

He held her gaze, drawing the moment out. He could see a myriad of things dancing in her blue orbs and he knew the intensity of the moment wasn’t lost on her. He knew she was feeling everything he was feeling as well and it made him so happy, he felt so light, he almost leaned down toward her to capture her lips with his. He wanted that moment of pure perfection, of sheer happiness to last forever.

It only lasted a second. And sadly, a second could only _feel_ like forever. It wasn’t.

Realization dawned upon him when she blinked away. Oliver felt like the second had been just that, a second. Short, gone before he could grab it. And the realization that it hadn’t been his to grab anyway broke something inside him.

“Thank you again,” she told him. “I guess I’ll see you on set,” she added, winking at him.

His eyes widened.

Had she just…?

Yeah she totally did.

 _The Agency II_ had been officially confirmed a few weeks ago but it was the first time either of them was publically acknowledging it. And Felicity had decided to do it in front of all Hollywood!

He gulped but was quick to get back on his feet. He shot her a wide grin.

“See you on set,” he replied.

And because he was a greedy bastard he leaned down and kissed her cheek before making his way backstage, his legs wobbly and his hands shaking.

 

* * *

 

**_Oliver Queen’s house – January 9 th, 2017, Beverly Hills, US_ **

                    

Oliver all but collapsed on his bed when he came home from the after-party. He had drunk more than he should have but after those few minutes with Felicity he had really needed it. He rolled on his back groaning when his head protested at the sudden movement. He heard the sound of a zipper being pulled down and opened one eye, only to see Laurel peeling her gown off her body, taking her underwear down with it.

“What are you doing?” He whispered when she crawled in bed with him, her very naked body pressing against his still very much clothed one.

“I’m having sex with my boyfriend,” she replied, straddling his hips.

He opened his mouth to protest but then she ground her hips against his in just the right way and the only sound coming out of his mouth was a loud moan which she caught with her lips. Her tongue pressed against his lips, demanding entrance more than begging for it. He granted it, his hands tangling in her hair.

 

* * *

 

**_Oliver Queen’s hotel room – May 12 th, 2008, Coast City, US_ **

****

The first thing Oliver heard when he walked inside his hotel’s room was the sound of TV. A small smile stretched his lips as he lazily walked to his bed. It was a little bit after four as he had been forced to stay on set for a particular intense night shoot. He was beyond exhausted but in the meantime he felt relieved because he wasn’t supposed to be on set before three pm, meaning he’d get a decent amount of sleep that night.

It wasn’t always like that.

His smile widened when he reached his bed and saw her. She was fast asleep on her right side, a pillow awkwardly tucked between her thighs, her body half-covered by the sheets and covers. She was only wearing a black T-shirt of his meaning an awful lot of white creamy skin was exposed to his eyes. Her brown locks were sprawled on his pillow, and he shook his head because it was his side of the bed she was sleeping on and he knew the pillowcase would smell just like her in the morning.

He kept his eyes on her while he rid himself of his clothes, sighing softly. He didn’t know what they were doing, had no idea where they were going with this… whatever it was.

They had been shooting the movie for a whole month and a half and they had been sleeping together for a few weeks. Their thing had started after they had shot a particularly intense scene. One moment they had been walking away from set and the other they had been in his trailer, her legs tightly wrapped around his waist, his cock deep inside her and her hands tangled in his hair. At first, Oliver had thought Felicity would try to brush what had happened between them aside and pretend it had never happened. She hadn’t. And then things had only escalated from there.

At the beginning, it had only been sex. Mind-blowing sex, but still just sex. And it had surprised Oliver. Because Felicity was new to the acting business and she sometimes still pinched her arm to remind herself this was real, she really was part of a movie. She was reserved and shy on set, although nice to everyone and he’d thought things would be the same with him. Boy had he been wrong. She was young and attractive and maybe she wasn’t completely aware of how much but still she was pretty confident in her sexuality. She knew what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to come and get it. And it was hotter than it sounded and it already sounded pretty hot.

They had been friendly before their first time together. Oliver had been charmed by Felicity’s witty mind, which was an odd combination of real intelligence and slight awkwardness. She had been a nice change, a breath of fresh air compared to all the actresses he had had to work with. But then things had started to change and their torrid affair had turned into something else, something more. They had stopped tearing each other’s clothes every time the door closed after them. They had started spending all their time together on set, talking and teasing and flirting. They had also started eating more meals together at night, as they lived in the same hotel, trading stories over a bottle of wine and candlelight that led to another kind of sex. The kind that was deep and slow and followed by a lot of cuddling and snuggling. Oliver now gently laid Felicity on his bed and spent hours exploring her body until she was writhing underneath him, begging for more. He had only realized her confidence was a shield when she lost some of it. And then he started to see her, the real her and he found himself drawn to the softness of her heart and the gentleness of her soul.

He really had no idea where they were going but he knew he was close to the point of no return.

He sat on the bed next to her and gently stroked her cheek, pulling away a strand of hair that had fallen in front of her eyes. Her cheeks were pink and warm, her lips red and kissable. He bent down a brushed a soft kiss against them. She frowned in her sleep and her eyes fluttered open. They were still heavy with sleep and she had that adorable confused look on her face.

“What time is it?” She slurred more than asked.

“Past four,” he said softly, smiling because she looked completely rumpled. “I told you not to wait for me,” he added, his hand landing on her hip, squeezing gently.

“Didn’t wait,” she replied, rolling on her back and kicking the pillow from between her legs. “Fell asleep,” she added, her chest heaving and Oliver swallowed hard, his eyes drawn to her perfect breasts, free of a bra underneath his T-shirt.

He reached for the remote. She had left it on the bedside table on her side of the bed. That told him she had gravitated toward his side of the bed in her sleep but he really didn’t know what to make of that so he tried not to put too much thought into it. He turned the TV off. Silence and darkness fell over them. After that, he climbed in bed with her, more like climbed on top of her really. She hummed in approval when his forearms fell on both side of her face and she widened her thighs, just a little to accommodate him. He pressed his forehead against hers, reveling in the feeling of her. She was made of luscious curves and soft skin, nothing like all the women he had previously been with, but then none of these women had made him feel like Felicity Smoak. She always made him feel great, the closest to perfection he had ever been.

Their lips met in a slow and lazy kiss. They weren’t on a clock after all. They kissed like that for a while until Oliver’s hand grazed over one of her nipples through the fabric of his T-shirt and she gasped at the sensation. He was quick to take advantage of the situation and slipped his tongue inside her mouth, deepening the kiss. Passion burst between them as it always did and their movements started to hurry, becoming more frenzy. He kept teasing her and massaging her breasts through his T-shirt while she clumsily caressed his abs and then moved to his back, her hands following the curve of his spine, making something clench tightly in his stomach. He moved away from her breasts and reached down. His hand slipped under the T-shirt she was wearing and he gasped when he realized she hadn’t bothered to wear any underwear. He nibbled her lower lip, kissing her with renewed vigor, humming his approval. He moaned when her hands squeezed his ass before lowering his briefs. She seemed to struggle a little bit so he broke their kiss to help her. She crunched her nose in frustration

“Why did you keep them on?” She sighed and she looked so adorable with only the silver light of the moon to illuminate her face, he couldn’t resist and pressed a kiss on the tip of her nose. Then he realized he wasn’t satisfied with just one kiss and he started peppering kisses on her face until she started giggling. He bit on her earlobe and just like that her giggles turned into a deep moan, one that he felt resonate deep inside of him.

He tossed his briefs aside and sat back down on his heels to take his T-shirt off her. She lifted herself up a little bit, helping him out before falling back with a huff. He smiled at her and hovered back over her, meeting her lips for another heated kiss. She gasped when he parted her folds with his fingers, aiming for the sensitive bundle of nerves at the apex of her core. She was already wet but he wanted her wetter, slick with need for him so he teased her a little bit, preparing her for what would follow.

She blindly reached for the drawer where he kept condoms, knocking the lamp over when he slipped not one but two fingers inside of her. She cried out and he smirked, trailing wet kisses down her throat. He pumped into her, building her up slowly. She started writhing against him, and she arched her hips against his hand, searching more pressure, more friction. When she realized he was in no hurry to give it to her, she reached down for his cock, he was already painfully hard, and stroked him firmly.

“F-Fuck,” he managed to choke out.

He was tired, she knew that and she knew he wouldn’t last long. So he slipped his fingers out of her, she whimpered at the loss and that made his cock twitch. He reached for the condom she had grabbed, aware that he was painfully hard. He put it on and slipped inside her in one deep stroke.

“Oliver,” she gasped, her naked breasts and puckered nipples pressing deliciously against his chest.

He didn’t say anything, unable to form a coherent thought. She moved a little, cradling him like only she could between her perfect thighs. His hand rubbed over her soft skin, urging her to wrap her legs around him. She did. And he started to move. It was slow and lazy as they were both too tired for hard and fast. He felt his pleasure build deep in his bones just like he felt her walls fluttered around him the closed she got to her release. They kept kissing, his tongue meeting hers in time with his thrusts. They came together, their release washing over them, pleasure settling deep in their bones.

“Oliver,” she whispered.

“Felicity,” he whispered back, his lips capturing her next cries.

****

* * *

 

**_Oliver Queen’s house – January 9 th, 2017, Beverly Hills, US_ **

 

Laurel froze on top of Oliver the moment the name passed his lips.

Oliver’s eyes shot open and met Laurel’s eyes.

Oh god, if looks could kill, he’d be dead right now.

“What the hell was that?” She yelled.

“Uh…” It was all he could come up with. He had never ever done something like that before. He had never ever said the wrong name in bed.

Laurel moved from her perch on top of him and bent down to retrieve her clothes.

“I can’t believe it!” She yelled. “You said her freaking name while we were – while I was – I –” Her cheeks were red and her eyes filled with fire as she glared at him. “I fucking can’t believe it!”

“Laurel, it’s…”

“What? Not what I think?”

He opened his mouth but closed it immediately. Instead he got out of bed and reached for his briefs. His hands were shaking lightly, but it wasn’t because of Laurel’s anger. It was because the memory that had come back to him had been more than intense, it had taken over all his senses until he had forgotten where he was and who he was with. And that was making him shake.

He had never lost control like that before.

Never ever.

“This is exactly what I think it is! You’re fucking her again, aren’t you? Of course you are, you can’t even look at me in the eyes.”

“I’m not with Felicity!” He protested immediately.

“Don’t you dare say that name again!” She yelled putting her dress back on.

“Laurel, I’m sorry, I–“

“Don’t say you didn’t mean it because we both know you did.” She laughed but there was no amusement in it. It was cold and dry and lacked life. “You’re still in love with her even after all the things she did to you, even after she fucked your best friend behind your back.”

“She probably wouldn’t have if we hadn’t kissed at that party,” he reminded her.

“Maybe we wouldn’t have if you’d loved her as much as you claimed to, if you had been as happy as you said you were.”

He opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off immediately.

“We could have been great together if only you’d tried a little. But you didn’t, and the minute that bitch walked back into your life, I ceased to exist. I gave five years of my life to this relationship but that’s it, I’m _done_. I don’t want to live in her shadow anymore.”

Oliver remained silent, unflinching.

“I hope she breaks your heart over and over again until there’s nothing left of it.”

 

* * *

 

**_John and Lyla Diggle’s House – January 9 th, 2017, Star City, US_ **

****

Lyla was cradling John Junior against her chest when she opened the door. She looked surprised when she saw Oliver and tilted her head in question.

“Oliver, hi! How are you?”

He shrugged. Not good.

“I’m sorry I’m showing up unexpectedly but… Is John there?”

She shook her head. “No, he’s outside town for the week.”

He sighed, his shoulders fell. “I’m sorry, I should have called…”

Lyla caught his wrist as he was about to walk away. “Oliver wait – I’m going to be abruptly honest with you but you look like a crap. Do you want to come inside and talk about what’s wrong around a cup of coffee? I know John is your “deep talk” person but maybe I can be of some help.”

Oliver didn’t think about it. “Yes,” he replied.

She stepped aside to let him in. “I’m going to put Junior to bed. Can you start the coffee?”

He nodded. “Sure.”

She gave him a warm smile before walking toward the stairs. He made his way to the kitchen and prepared a coffee for him and a tea for Lyla because he knew she was still breastfeeding. They met in the living-room some fifteen minutes later. They settled on the couch and Oliver’s eyes were immediately drawn to the newspaper lying on the coffee-table. The cover was a picture from the previous night. Felicity stood in front of the crowd, wearing that sinful black dress and holding her award close to her chest.

“ _Queen of Television_ ,” he read and then shook his head. “They think they’re funny.”

Lyla shrugged. “I don’t know, that was pretty intense.”

Oliver didn’t say anything. It had been intense enough to completely mess with him, with his brain. Damn that memory had felt so real, he still had a hard time believing he hadn’t actually travelled back in time and relived the moment again. He could still smell Felicity’s scent and taste her in his mouth. His heart clenched painfully in his chest.

“What’s wrong Oliver?” Lyla asked, her tone gentle.

“Laurel and I broke up, for good this time.”

“Hallelujah!” Lyla blurted out and Oliver gave her a look.

The Diggles had never hidden the fact that they weren’t big fans of his relationship with Laurel but they’d always respected her or more importantly, always respected his choices, whether they liked them or not. So he was both surprised and not surprised with her reaction to the news.

“It was about time you let that one go,” she went on. “May I ask what happened?”

Oliver shook his head, his cheeks reddening in embarrassment. “There was… There was an incident that made her reconsider my attachment to her.”

Lyla arched an eyebrow. “What kind of accident?”

“You don’t want to know,” he hurriedly replied.

“Okay.” She paused for a second. “Now be honest and tell me what’s wrong with you.”

Oliver snorted. Of course she knew it wasn’t his breakup with Laurel that was slowly killing him. Of course she saw the truth he was trying to hide. Of course. They had been friends long enough for her to know him that well.

“Don’t make me say it.”

“I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me Oliver.”

“Felicity.”

The name fell from his lips effortlessly, his voice barely louder than a whisper. He put his cup of coffee on the small table and leaned back. Lyla shifted her position so that she could look at him.

“Do you want to know why John and I always hated your relationship with Laurel?”

He nodded.

“Because you’re weren’t with her because you cared about her. You were with her because you wanted to hurt and punish. Both yourself and Felicity.” He opened his mouth to protest but she didn’t let him. “You knew Laurel would never make you happy and that was fine with you because you didn’t want to be happy anymore. You wanted to suffer. So you stayed with her throughout the years and denied yourself happiness but above all you denied yourself healing and John and I hated that.”

“You never said anything,” Oliver pointed out, his throat tight.

“You’d never have listened anyway. You weren’t ready.”

He rolled his eyes, annoyance simmering in his chest. “And now I am?”

“Yes,” Lyla said softly. “Because she’s back,” she pointed at Felicity’s picture. “She’s back and forcing you to face your past and your choices.” She paused for a second, letting her words sink in. “She thinks you chose Laurel, you know?”

Anger, bright and burning, flared inside him.

“That’s not what happened,” he said through gritted teeth. “It’s easy for her to say that, to paint me as the bad guy, the cheater but she broke us just as much as I did, she fucking broke me too and –“ his voice trailed down and he had to stop to get his emotions back under his control. A lump had formed in his throat and he could feel tears burn at the corner of his eyes. This was a lot, perhaps too much for him to handle.

“Felicity came in our relationship looking for an exit door. She was… She’s been hurt in the past and she wanted to protect herself.” He clenched his fist, trying to rein in the strength of his emotional reaction to the memories he was unfolding. “What happened with Laurel was a stupid drunken mistake. She kissed me and I was too out of it to push her back, I’ll admit that much, but Felicity…” His voice started to shake. “Felicity came with the intention to break things off because finally I had given her the exit door she’d been waiting for. She didn’t listen to me, she didn’t try to understand. She’d already made up her mind.” He shook his head. “Three years together and all I got in the end was a ring thrown in my face.”

“You never told us that,” Lyla told him, her voice soft and gentle, as if she was trying to appease him.

“I never told anyone.” He paused. “I didn’t choose Laurel. I chose Felicity but she turned her back on me, on us and it was so easy for her it made me wonder if she’d ever loved me. I texted and I called and I fucking visited her in New-York but she never replied, never listened, she never even opened the stupid door.”

“I don’t understand,” Lyla said, frowning.

“What?”

“I think that she’s been hurt more than you can imagine.” She paused, thinking. “Why shut you out if she was hurting so badly? Why not try to work things out?”

“Because she was a coward. Still is actually.”

He may have ruined them but she had been the one to end them. He had tried to fix them, to save their relationship, he had really tried his best but he had only met a wall made of cold stones of indifference. And today… Today he was still meeting that same wall.

_“I hope she breaks your heart over and over again until there’s nothing left of it.”_

Laurel’s words came back to him.

You can’t break what’s already been broken. And Oliver was still very much broken.

He had thought he wasn’t, he had lied to himself, using sex, with Laurel and all the other women, as an escape from his pain but also, as Lyla had pointed out, as a way to punish himself. Because, no matter how much he was mad at Felicity, he would never lay all the blame on her shoulders. He had been at fault and he had carried the weight of his guilt on his shoulders for so long, he had gotten used to it and forgotten it was even there as a result. It had taken Lyla’s intervention to remind him of it. Of his failures. Now when he looked back on things, he couldn’t remember ever being happy with any of these women, ever feeling any pleasure. The reason why was quite simple. He simply hadn’t. He had been broken and he still was.

“She refuses to talk to me,” he told Lyla. “She doesn’t want to talk about what happened. She’s still running.”

“Can you blame her? As far as she knows, you’re still with the woman you cheated on her with.” He gave her a look. “Drunken mistake or not, you did kiss Laurel. And then started a relationship with her.”

“Because she was screwing my best friend!” He exploded.

Lyla flinched, surprised by his outburst. He got up and started pacing.

There it was, out in the open.

The core of the problem.

The one thing that had made him stop trying.

Felicity’s betrayal.

Tommy’s betrayal.

“You don’t know that…” Lyla started.

“Don’t I? Because they looked pretty cozy on those pictures, didn’t they?” He still remembered the pics perfectly, they were branded in his memory, never to be forgotten. “And when I confronted him, he said nothing. _Nothing._ He was my best friend, my brother but he couldn’t even look me in the eye.”

“That doesn’t mean the rumors were true either,” Lyla argued. “Come on Oliver, you know better than to believe what’s written in the news.”

He nodded, his anger a wild living thing inside of him.

“Yes I know better! That’s why I want her to stop running and tell me the truth once and for all.” He sighed and fell on the couch beside Lyla again.

Tired. He felt tired. Exhausted.

“God, what was John thinking writing a sequel to _The Agency_?”

“Did we ever tell you about our first marriage?”

Oliver frowned. “First marriage?”

“When you met us we had been back together for a year and a half.”

Oliver’s eyes widened. “What?”

“We met when we were young, we got married but… The business got the better of us, of our relationship and we divorced. A project brought us back together and we’ve been together ever since.”

“But I – I –“ He was at a loss for words. “I never knew that. Why didn’t you tell me?”

She shrugged. “It never came up.”

“Why are you telling me now?”

“Because John has been wanting to write a sequel for a long time now but Felicity wasn’t ready. Now she is.”

Oliver’s head started spinning. “What? He’s playing matchmaker now?” He shook his head. “Honestly, Lyla while I’m glad you and John turned out fine, more than fine actually, Felicity and I… We’re not you.”

“You telling me you wouldn’t get back together with her if you could?”

“I want closure Lyla, answers.”

“That’s not what I asked. But alright. Get your closure, make her talk to you. You did it once, you can do it twice.”

Yes he could. Because this Felicity, no matter how hard she tried, still reacted to him. She could still feel the pull between them. And if she did, it meant that he could he reach her.

And he would.

He had to.

 

* * *

 

**_The Queen Mansion – January 11 th, 2017, Star City, US_ **

 

When Oliver walked inside his family’s home, he let out a heavy sigh. It felt good to be back. He had been home for Christmas but with everything that had happened at the Golden Globes and his umpteenth breakup with Laurel, it felt like it was ages ago.

He knew his parents would probably still be at work. They were the co-CEOs of their multi-billion dollar company, Queen Consolidated. Oliver’s father had hoped his son would take over after him but Oliver had never been made for business. He had dropped out of four colleges. In the last one he had taken a drama class and realized he was kind of good at it and enjoyed going up on stage. Then that wasn’t surprising. His whole life, he had been under the spotlight, paparazzi had followed him, observing him and reporting his every actions, good or bad. Being able to be someone else, even for a short time, had been a relief. So with his best friend – former – he had gone to LA and together they had tried to make his dream come true. Nine years later, his dream had come true but he had lost his best friend.

Oliver shook his head, swallowing back the lump of emotions that formed in his throat whenever he thought of his former best friend. He clenched his fists, hoping to alleviate the dull ache he was feeling in his heart. It didn’t really work so he walked around the house, looking for his sister.

At almost twenty-years old, she was ten years younger than him, she was studying to get her master degree in business. She was the one who would take over the company’s reins after their parents and Oliver couldn’t have been prouder. His sister was strong and her mind was witty. She’d make one hell of a business woman. Growing up, he had always been super protective of her. He felt responsible for her well-being and happiness because he was her older brother and it was what older brothers did. They watched over their sisters and made sure they didn’t need anything. He had played with her a lot, told her stories before she went to sleep. He had watched stupid rom-coms with her, brushed her hair and painted her toenails. He had also teased her but he had tried to be a good brother, not a perfect one! Besides, she’d always teased him back, with that sharp tongue of hers. Today he was proud to say she was the person closest to him.

He found her in the kitchen typing on her laptop, a few books opened beside her and a steaming cup of coffee in front of her.

“Hey,” he said softly, startling her.

“Ollie!” She squealed in delight. “What are you doing here?” She asked, spinning on her stool so that she could give him a hug. He hugged her back tightly. She smelt like home and their childhood and right now, it was the most comforting scent ever.

“I missed my favorite little sister,” he replied.

“Aww that could have been sweet but I’m your only little sister so you’re stuck with me as your favorite!”

“Even if I had a thousand sisters, you’d still be my favorite.”

She gave him a look and he just smiled at her, hopping on a stool right next to her.

“Seriously, are you okay Ollie? You look tired.”

Oliver sighed, his shoulders slumping a little bit.

“Laurel and I broke up,” he told her.

“Again?”

He rolled his eyes at her.

“I’m sorry but you can’t expect me to be surprised. You two break up all the time.”

“It’s different this time, it’s for good,” he told her.

She arched a skeptical eyebrow. “For good?”

“Yeah, for good,” he confirmed.

“It was about time,” she muttered, taking a sip of her coffee. Her reaction, so similar to Lyla’s surprised him. “What happened?” She asked.

Oliver was grateful that she didn’t ask “what did you do?” because that would have been entirely justified. Back in high-school and in college, Oliver had been quite the ladies’ man. Most of his time, he had spent partying and hooking up, never staying too long with the same girl. He had been rich and very eager to see all the things money could buy to keep him entertained. It hadn’t helped that his best friend and wing-man had been just as rich as him. Together, they had made quite the pair. And when he had started in the acting business, he had still enjoyed the company of women, although he had been more discreet with his sexcapades. Then he had met Felicity and everything had changed for him. They had fallen in love. They had gotten engaged. He had made a mistake. She had run. They had split. And then the five years of on and off with Laurel and hooking up with a lot of women had happened.

“She realized I wasn’t in love with her,” he said, dancing around the truth – the very embarrassing truth.

“Really? It took her five years to realize that?”

“Hey!” Oliver protested, elbowing her.

“What, it’s true! You don’t treat someone you love the way you treated Laurel. But then she was a bitch so I guess it evens things out a little.” Oliver’s eyes widened. “I’m not saying that being a bitch makes it okay to be cheated on, I’m just saying you can’t be surprised your boyfriend cheats on you when you’re an awful stiff as stick ice queen.”

“Thea…”

“I’m sorry but again it’s true. Besides you said things were over for good.”

“They are but still I had no idea you hated her that much…”

Thea shook her head. “Oh I don’t hate her, she was never mean to me or anything. I just didn’t like how she was with you, how she could never make you happy.”

“You never said anything,” Oliver pointed out.

“You never asked,” she shrugged. “Besides, you already knew. You just convinced yourself she was everything you deserved after what happened with…” Thea’s voice trailed off. “Anyway, you made her your punishment, your penance, although in my opinion you had nothing to punish yourself for and I couldn’t be happier that things are definitely over between the two of you. You deserve to be happy Ollie. I want you to be happy,” she added, reaching for his hand and squeezing tightly.

“Thank you Thea,” he said, a lump of emotions making his throat feel tight and tears welling up in his eyes. Her words were so similar to Lyla’s, it was making his head spin. How blind had he been exactly?

“Now the million-dollar question dear brother is who are you in love with?”

“No one.”

She huffed back a laugh. “And you just lost a million dollar,” she teased him. She reached for something under her books, the newspaper _Star City Daily,_ the January 9th‘s issue.

“Cinema:

Star City’s favorite star reunites with former fiancée Felicity Smoak

_An article by Suzan Williams_

[…]

 _Suzanne Williams_ ”

There was a picture of him and Felicity hugging at the Golden Globes plastered under the article and Oliver’s heart softened in his chest at the sight of the two of them. Their interactions had made a lot of noise in the media and not only because they had confirmed _The Agency II._ Added to that were the already spreading rumors about his break-up with Laurel – she had lost no time after their break-up and had already been seen partying in some night-clubs – and that was why he had decided to come home for a few days. He had needed to get away from Los Angeles, away from everything and everyone.

“I’m not in love with Felicity,” he said.

“I never said you were,” she stated.

He rolled his eyes at her. “You implied it. And I’m telling you, I don’t love her.”

Thea snorted. “Oh please!”

He gave her a look. “I’m serious, I’m not in love with her. But I can’t deny she’s the reason Laurel and I broke-up.”

She chuckled. “Why? Laurel didn’t like that not so platonic hug?”

He shrugged. “Yeah something like that.”

Thea tilted her head. “What, that’s not it? What did you do Ollie? Said the wrong name in bed?”

He choked on his next breath, his body stiffening and Thea’s eyes widened. “Oh my god! You totally did!” She yelled, slapping his arm.

“Ouch!”

“That’s so gross! And so rude! Really Ollie? You couldn’t just have told her? “Sorry Laurel, I’m still in love with my ex, ciao!””

“I’m not in love with Felicity,” he protested.

“Sure you aren’t, you’re just casually throwing her name while with your girlfriend…” She slapped his arm again, not hard enough to hurt but he did flinch. “What were you thinking?”

He gave her an annoyed look. “Do you really want to know?”

“After some thinking, no, I don’t want to know!” She sighed. “So what are you gonna do?”

Oliver sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I was hoping you’d help me. I don’t know what to do. I know what I want to do,” Thea’s eyebrows arched and he was quick to add. “I want to talk to Felicity, like really talk.”

“Tell that to Laurel, she probably thinks you want to do something else entirely… Or someone else” his sister teased him and he wondered when she had grown up so much. But then he nudged her, hard, because she was really annoying. She giggled. “I’m sorry, that’s not helping.” She took another sip of her coffee. “If you want to talk to her then talk to her, what do you want me to say?”

“She doesn’t want to talk.”

“Then talk, make her listen.”

“Easier said than done,” he sighed.

Thea put her cup of coffee back on the kitchen island. “I know. But Ollie… Whatever you do, don’t let her break your heart again?”

“I broke her heart too, I think, so fair is fair.”

Thea gave him a look. “I’m serious. I want you to be happy.”

“You said that already.”

“Because I really mean it,” she insisted. “You’re always protecting me, always wishing me the best. This,” she gestured at them, “is me doing the same for you. I love you Ollie.”

“I love you too,” he replied, leaning forward to kiss her forehead.

“Now, on a completely not related topic, is it true Roy Harper has been casted in _The Agency II_?”

Oliver chuckled. “Why do you want to know?”

“Because he’s hot and I want his number,” she replied, winking at him.

Oliver stole her cup of coffee and took a sip. “I’ll see if he’s worthy of you first. That’s me protecting you by the way.”

She rolled her eyes at him and he just smiled at her.

Really, it felt good to be home.

****

* * *

 

**_Tommy Merlyn’s house – December 31 st, 2008, Los Angeles, US _ **

 

Oliver had known exactly what to expect when his best friend since forever had invited him to his New Year’s Eve party.

Alcohol. Women. Alcohol. Women. Alcohol. Music. Women. More alcohol and more women.

Tommy’s parties were a legend back home in Star City. When they had come straight from graduation to LA, knowing full well the life in the corporate world their fathers had chosen for themselves wasn’t made for them, it hadn’t taken him too long to make a name for himself in the city of angels.

Now five years later, his parties were a legend in LA too.

Hence the presence of so many gorgeous young girls that night.

Once upon a time, Oliver wouldn’t have minded it a bit. He would have dived headfirst in the party and done his best to not remember a minute of it the next morning.

But once upon a time, Oliver didn’t have girlfriend. Or if he had one, he wasn’t in love with her.

Now Oliver had a girlfriend, one he was very much in love with and suddenly, he didn’t feel all that comfortable at his friend’s party.

And there he was, his friend, with two gorgeous redheads on his arms. Judging by their extreme likeness, they were sisters, maybe even twins.

“Ollie!! Finally I found you!” He yelled to cover the noise of the music. “What are you doing all on your own?”

Oliver just shrugged. “Enjoying the view!”

Tommy rolled his eyes at him. “You should be enjoying the party! Maybe me and my new friends can help you with that.”

Oliver gave him a pointed look. “You seem to forget that I have a girlfriend,” he reminded him.

Tommy looked around. “I don’t see her here.”

“She’s sick.”

“Well that’s her problem! Come on Ollie since when having a girlfriend ever stopped you from having some fun?”

Oliver shook his head. “I’ll talk to you again when you’re not so drunk anymore.”

And with that, he walked away. He made his way among the crowd of people grinding on the dancefloor and walked outside. The fresh air made him feel a little better.

“Ollie wait!” Tommy’s voice called after him.

Oliver tensed up and clenched his fist. Reluctantly, he turned to face his best friend.

“What’s your problem?” Tommy said angrily.

“What’s my problem? What’s _your_ problem? Suggesting I have fun with some random girls at a party… Did you forget that I have a girlfriend? You might remember her, she’s a brunette, kind of small and she wears glasses. Her name is Felicity.”

Tommy laughed. “Oh trust me I know damn well what her name is.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Oliver asked, crossing his arms defensively over his chest.

“It means that you’ve been rambling about her ever since you met her. I know everything there is to know about Felicity Smoak and maybe even more.”

Oliver frowned. “Wait… Does it bother you that I’ve found a girl I’m finally happy with?”

“No, no, it doesn’t bother me, how could you say something like that? You’re happy Ollie and that’s all I want for you. Honestly… She brings a smile on your face I’ve never seen before and sometimes I wish I had someone who would put that kind of smile on my face too.”

“Then… What’s the problem?”

“The problem is with you being here when it’s obvious you don’t want to be.”

Oliver frowned. “What?”

“It means it’s obvious you’d rather be with your girlfriend than here so my question is: what are you doing here?”

Oliver sighed. “She told me to come and have fun. Not to let her being sick ruin New Year’s Eve for me.”

“And yet you’re not having any fun,” Tommy pointed out. “You should have just ignored her and stayed. In my opinion. And I don’t really know what it’s worth because as you pointed out, I’m kind of drunk.”

Oliver gave him a look. “You don’t sound that drunk to me.”

Tommy shrugged. “Just go already, okay? Be with your girl, I know you want to.”

“I’m sorry…”

“For what? Leaving me alone with all those beautiful girls?” Tommy teased him. “Don’t be sorry. Now that you’re no longer on the market, I’m the lucky guy who gets to enjoy the company of all these lovely ladies.”

Oliver laughed at that. “You have a goodnight Tommy!” He said, already on his way out.

“I’m sure it’ll be better than yours!”

 

* * *

 

**_Felicity Smoak’s apartment – December 31 st, 2008, Los Angeles, US_ **

****

Oliver used the key Felicity had given him to get inside her apartment.

Silence and darkness greeted him.

He took off his jacket, kicked off his shoes. He leant back against the door.

He felt better now that he was back here, with her.

Oliver hadn’t been lying earlier when he had said he was very much in love with Felicity Smoak.

He loved her. He loved being with her, talking to her, listening to her. He loved making love to her. He loved telling her he loved her.

And she loved him too.

She hadn’t said the words to him yet but he knew she did. He could see it in her eyes and in the way she was with him. How she confided in him and relied on him, sometimes even without realizing she was. It was in the way she said his name over the phone when he was away from her and in the way her grip tightened around him before they parted ways. It was in the way she kissed him good morning and in the she always opened her arms for him.

She loved him and Oliver knew now there was nothing better than to love and be loved in return.

He wished she’d say the words out loud sometimes but he also understood why she hadn’t yet.

Her world had been completely turned over when she had gotten the part in _The Agency._ The movie hadn’t been released to the public yet but it had been presented to some critics and they had all spoken very highly of it. The movie was even considered for the Oscars now! Felicity’s life had been turned into a whirlwind of interviews and photoshoots. Everyone wanted to know who she was and what her story was.

It had been a lot to take in for her and Oliver knew if he hadn’t been there, holding her hand throughout everything she’d have lost it.

And he knew it was too much for her and that sometimes she still pinched herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. He knew she was waiting for the other shoe to drop, he knew she thought one person couldn’t be that lucky.

He knew she hadn’t been able to tell him she loved him because she was afraid something, anything, would happen.

And that was fine with him. He wasn’t a patient man but for her, he’d be. And he didn’t really need to hear the words when he could feel it in moments like when she had given him the key to her apartment. That moment had meant so much more when Oliver had realized she was actually giving him a key to her heart.

He heard her cough in her bedroom and he rushed forward. He knocked on the door lightly before coming in. She hadn’t closed the curtains meaning the lights of the city were casting a dim glow in her room. She had buried herself under several blankets and covers and she was lying on her back clutching the pillow from his side of the bed. The sight of her made him smile. There was a box of tissues on her bedside table, as well as pills and cough syrups. His smile faded away.

“’Liver?” She asked, her voice weak and hoarse.

“Yeah, it’s me,” he said, moving to sit down at her side. He brushed a few damp strands of hair away from her forehead. Her face was pale, he could see that even in the semi-darkness. His hand lingered on her skin and he took it away only when he was sure she wasn’t feverish. His fingers traveled down her cheek and she tilted her head just slightly, chasing his touch, trying to feel more of him.

That made him smile.

“Why aren’t you at the party?” She asked. “I told you to go,” she added, coughing.

“I didn’t want to be there without you,” he admitted. “So I came back to you,” he explained.

“What are you doing?” She asked when he moved across her to reach his side of the bed. “Oliver, no, you’ll get sick,” she protested when he settled on his side next to her and put his arms around her so that he was holding her to him.

“I don’t care,” he whispered against her hair. He punctuated his statement with a kiss against her temple.

She coughed and he found her hand in the dark, lacing their fingers together immediately.

She was stiff as a stick next to him. He let out a deep breath.

“Relax,” he told her, holding her more tightly.

She coughed again when she tried to speak.

“It’s just – It’s not my sexiest moment,” she said.

“I don’t care.”

“I’m sweaty. And sneezing. And coughing. The soup I ate earlier got close and personal with my toilet and did I tell you I was sweaty?” She wiggled in his arms.

“Felicity,” he sighed, tightening his hold on her. “I’m not just here for the sexy moments. I’m here for the unsexy moments too. I’m here to hold you when you’re sick, to pull your hair back when you’re throwing up. I’m here to go get your medicine or another box of tissues when you’re done with one. I’m here for everything.”

“You’re amazing.”

He shook his head, kissing her temple again. “I just love you,” he said.

They remained silent for a while and Oliver thought she had fallen asleep when she spoke again.

“But this is New Year’s Eve,” she tried to protest again and he was quick to cut her off.

“I honestly can’t think of a better way for me to spend New Year’s Eve than holding you in my arms, making sure you’re okay,” he said bringing her hand to his lips and kissing the inside of her wrist. “I want to start this year with you,” he added.

Silence fell between them again until he heard her voice again, barely louder than a whisper.

“I used to make wishes on December the 31rst.”

“No good resolutions for Felicity Smoak?”

“No. Just wishes.”

“Well, here’s my wish,” Oliver whispered in the shell of her ear. “I wish to start every year with you in my arms. How does that sound?”

“Not so bad,” she replied, a smile on her lips. He couldn’t see it but he could feel it. “Last year… Last year I wished for something great to happen to me. I didn’t care what it was, I just wanted something to happen to me. I’d just lost my mother and I felt alone in LA, away from everything I’d ever known.” Oliver tightened his hold on her. “I wished for something great to happen and then _The Agency_ happened and I thought my wish had been granted.”

“You thought?” He asked.

“Yeah… I realized I was wrong.”

Oliver frowned in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

“ _The Agency_ isn’t my something great Oliver. You are.”

He felt his heart beat faster in his chest.

“Do you remember how I said you were something else when we met?” She asked him.

“Yeah. I said that too, about you.”

“Well, you’re more than that. You’re my something great.”

Oliver swallowed heavily, a knot of emotions forming in his throat.

“You’re my something great too,” he whispered back, moving his head to briefly kiss her lips. “What’s your wish for this year?” He asked her, his eyes meeting hers in the semi-darkness.

“I wish to keep my something great,” she said and a small smile stretched Oliver’s lips.

“Best wish ever,” he stated, settling back against her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you guys think?  
> Don't hesitate to tell me in a review or leave a kudo. They both make me incredibly happy!
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/JustineC_M  
> and Tumblr: http://charlie-leau.tumblr.com/  
> Don't be afraid to come and talk to me. I don't bite! :)


	7. The kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!!
> 
> I can't believe it's been so long since I last updated! Time really flies! I've been a lot busy and I've had little time to write FFs lately but Olicity got back together so I think it's worth celebrating with a new chapter!!! (and since I'm a few chapters ahead with this story it's easier for me to update it than my soulmate AU, which I will hopefully be updating during the month).  
> As always, thank you for the amazing support and feedback! It means a lot to me!
> 
> Happy reading!

 

** As usual be careful with the date indications because of the flashback! **

 

* * *

 

**The Agency’s _set, Felicity’s trailer – February 27 th, 2017, Coast City, US_**

****

Felicity was placing a framed picture of Caitlin, Barry, Cisco and herself, from their trip together in Central City, when she heard a knock on her trailer’s door.

“Coming,” she said, looking around to make sure nothing was out of place or that she hadn’t forgotten a bra somewhere – she had the bad habit to shed her bras everywhere as she always took them off first when she was alone. Thankfully, everything was where it should be, from her pictures and funko pops on the shelves to her laptop and the book she was currently reading on her couch. Felicity wasn’t the kind of actresses who spent all her time locked in her trailer when she wasn’t needed on set. In spite of her natural shyness, she always made sure to spend a lot of time with her castmates and the crew she was currently working with. She tried to be nice and friendly with everyone even though she knew they were only working together for a short time. It was actually one of the things she loved most about being the lead actress of a TV-show, the stability that came with it. For the longest while, her life had been a series of ups and downs and having a stable job, working with the same people all the time, it had done her some good, helped her find some semblance of balance. But even if she wasn’t the kind of actresses who spent her time locked in her trailer, she still made sure it looked homey and welcoming.

She felt good on set as long as she had a safe place.

The knocking started again.

“Yes, yes, I’m coming!” She yelled, rushing to open the door.

“Felicity hey, can I come in?”

“John, hi!” She replied. “And sure,” she added, stepping aside so that he could come in. “I was heading out,” she told him. “I have a training session!”

“I know, I won’t be long, I promise,” John said, sitting down on the couch.

Felicity came to sit down next to him, pushing her laptop and book away. She had finished shooting the last scene of _The Lawyer_ the previous Friday, the 24th and there had been a wrap-up party right after because they had been completely done with season 2. Everyone had been extremely happy. They had all known they were going to be renewed because of the show’s excellent ratings and critics. Sadly, before she could completely recover from the party, she had been on a plane flying to Coast City, where she’d be working on _The_ _Agency II_ for the next three months _._ The studio had sets there, they’d actually shot the first movie in Coast City.

The actual shooting of _The_ _Agency II_ had yet to begin. They were still taking a few days to get ready, to take their marks on set and more importantly talk about a few capital scenes and rehearse them so they’d lose as little time as possible later. Also, Felicity had insisted on making most of her stunts herself and that meant they all had a few choreographies to learn. Most of her co-stars had made the same decision meaning they were all on the same boat on that point. They were all going to use this first week to prepare themselves physically with the crew and trainers. Obviously, just a week wouldn’t be enough and they’d still have to train regularly even after the shooting began. Felicity had even started her preparations while she had still been shooting her show. It was good that she was in a pretty good shape and knew how to throw a punch from her boxing lessons. She had started practicing after she had gotten out of rehab, to blow off some steam and keep herself in check. It came in handy when she had fight scene to shoot!

“What do you think of Barry Allen?” John asked her rather bluntly.

Felicity blinked, both surprised with his abruptness and his question.

“I-uh,” she stammered. “We’re friends, good friends even…. Is that a trick question?” She asked, chuckling a little.

“No, no, I just want to know what you think of him, as a person and as an actor.”

She paused for a second, pondering her next words carefully. She knew how much Barry admired Diggle and she’d be damned if she didn’t make sure even a little bit of that admiration was reciprocated.

“I think he’s a good actor. The transition from Broadway to television went smoothly for him, even though the Broadway star is never far away. He’s always singing and dancing on set and he brings his happy mood everywhere with him. You’d think it’s annoying but it’s not. It’s actually kind of contagious, the happy dancing fever” she admitted, a small smile stretching her lips. “And as an actor… I think he’s great. He thinks a lot you know, and he really tries to understand his character. He pays attention to the details, even the smallest ones and makes them important, relevant. That’s how he became a show’s regular. He wasn’t given a lot to work with but he made sure to make everything count. That and the fact that he’s cute. I mean, who could resist those dimples?”

Diggle snorted but there was warmth in his eyes. They softened on her and he gave her a small smile.

“You really like him, don’t you?”

“He’s my friend,” she replied. “But yeah, I really care about him.”

They had grown closer during the shooting of _The Lawyer’s_ second season. After Ray had been fired from the show, Barry’s character had become even more important and he and Felicity had found themselves shooting more scenes together, to the blonde’s greatest pleasure. She liked Barry, he was easy to be with. And by getting closer to him, she had grown closer to Caitlin – he had finally asked her out and they had been dating ever since their trip to Central City, thank God – and Cisco. Of course, she had already been close to Caitlin but it had been on set mostly. Now the three of them were her friends, not just her colleagues, and she felt comfortable around them, enough to let her guard down a little.

“Okay Felicity, I don’t know how to say this any differently so I’m going to be very honest with you: I’m considering him for Drew’s role.”

Felicity’s eyes widened.

What?

Surely she had heard him wrong.

“I thought you had already cast Ty Rouze for the role.”

He nodded. “He got injured. His agent called me last night, he has to drop out.”

“What about the guy who came second?”

“Already working on something else. Listen, Felicity, Drew’s a lot like Barry’s character on _The Lawyer_ , albeit a bit darker,” Diggle stated. “I thought the kid had a lot of potential during the show’s first season but what I’ve seen from the second season… I’m very impressed with him. He has something, a spark, that I think can lead to some great performances. I want him in _The Agency_ but I want you to tell me if you think he can do this.”

“I-I,” Felicity stammered, was at a loss for words, truly. “Barry’s an amazing actor and he likes challenges. Also, he’s a big fan of yours.”

Diggle smiled at that and didn’t try to protest. One thing Felicity loved about him was that he wasn’t falsely modest. He wasn’t smug or arrogant either. He was just aware of his worth, accepted compliments when he thought he deserved them and accepted easily that people admired him and his work. He wasn’t the kind of guy who said “oh but you know I’m just someone, everyone could do what I’m doing, I’m nothing special” only because people liked it better when you were less confident. How many people had Felicity worked with who were quick to say bad things about themselves only to get more compliments and praises?

“That could be a disadvantage. The pressure could be too much.”

“Or, it could be just what he needs to give more.”

Diggle considered her for a few seconds.

“You realize we can’t be wrong about him?”

She nodded.

“I do. I really think you should give him a call and not only because he’s my friend.”

“I think I will,” he eventually said.

Felicity shook her head, her ponytail bouncing on her shoulders. She didn’t want John to think he’d call Barry, she wanted him to be sure. Five minutes ago, the idea of having Barry on set hadn’t even brushed her mind but now she found herself really wanting it. She wanted her friend here with her but more importantly, she wanted that amazing opportunity for him.

“Remember how you took a chance on me all these years ago? It paid off pretty nicely, didn’t it? You trusted your instincts back then even when people were, quite legitimately we have to give them that, questioning your choice. You said you saw something in me, and now you’re seeing something in Barry too. Trust your instincts, they have yet to deceive you.”

For the longest while, Diggle didn’t say anything. He just stared at her, a thoughtful expression on his face. Felicity held his gaze, knowing it was through his eyes that Diggle said the most important things.

“Alright,” he said, getting on his feet. “I’ll give him a call. But if the movie fails, it’ll be on you,” he warned, pointing his index finger at her.

She rolled her eyes, the warmth in his not going unnoticed by her. “If the movie fails because of one actor, then there’s something wrong with you Mister Director,” she teased him, getting up and reaching for her bag.

“Just go train already,” he muttered, his warm hands landing on her shoulders and pushing her forward.

 

* * *

 

**The Agency’s _set, the gym – February 27 th, 2017, Coast City, US_**

 

The gym they were using to train and rehearse fight scenes wasn’t technically on set but it was close enough for Felicity to walk there.

Except this time she rushed there.

She had already been running late before Diggle showed up at her trailer’s door but now, after their conversation, she was definitely going to be late. And it sucked to show up late for the first training session, it really did.

So she ran, the sound of her feet hitting the pavement echoing loudly in her ears. She ran, beads of sweat forming on her forehead. Her heart picked in her chest and her lungs swelled against her ribcage, her breathing turned erratic.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m late!” She breathlessly said after she arrived, one of her hands holding her ribs.

“It’s alright,” Nyssa Raatko, the former martial arts’ champion turned trainer, assured her. She was a beautiful woman, with silky dark hair and a golden skin. “We’ve barely started.”

Felicity nodded feeling the eyes of everyone in the room, her co-stars, the training extras, the trainers and all the stunts coordinators riveted on her.

She could feel _his_ eyes more particularly but she stubbornly kept looking away from him.

“Okay, I’ll just go put my things in the locker room,” she awkwardly said, vaguely pointing toward the locker room. She hated being the center of everyone’s attention like that. Her cheeks reddened even more and she hurriedly stepped away, still feeling _his_ eyes burning holes in her back.

She dropped her bag somewhere in the locker room and sighed heavily.

"Way to go, Smoak,” she muttered, grabbing her water bottle. She sat on a bench and gulped down some cold water. When she was done she reached for a towel and pressed her face into it.

“Hey, are you okay?”

She jumped on the bench, startled by the sound of his voice.

“Oliver!” She yelped, a hand coming up to cover her chest. “I could have been changing!”

He tilted his head, an amused look on his face. She couldn’t help it but her heart leaped in her chest at the sight of him. That small smile that was both happy and content looked really good on his stupid perfect face. It showed his dimples and she had always been unable to resist them.

“You were already wearing your workout clothes,” he pointed out.

She frowned. “Still, you could have knocked,” she insisted, placing her towel on her shoulders and looking away from his bright blue eyes.

He had the audacity to laugh.

“Someone’s a little grumpy today,” he said.

She just rolled her eyes at him.

“Are you okay though?” He asked and she could hear the concern in his voice.

She crossed her arms over her chest in a way she knew looked defensive.

“Yeah, I’m alright. Shouldn’t you be training with the others?”

“Jason, the stunt coordinator, is waiting for you. He needs to talk to us.”

She nodded, meeting his eyes again. They were soft on her and she worriedly chewed on her lower lip.

“Okay, tell him I’m coming.”

He nodded and walked out.

Once he was out, she let out a deep breath.

Things with Oliver were complicated.

To say the least.

She had done her best to avoid thinking about him after her breakdown at the hospital. The memory of that night still haunted her. When she had gotten back to her hotel room, it had taken all her will-power for her not to fall back into her old habits. She felt the pain every day and she carried the weight of her loss on her shoulders every second of the day but that night… That night had been terrible. The pain had been raw and scorching hot at the same time, burning her from the inside. She had been crushed by it in a way she hadn’t in years. There had been no escaping it but still, she’d tried and failed. Everything had hurt. And her mind had replayed her worst memories and her heart had broken all over again because of them. She had been desperate to make it all stop, to stop feeling anything at all.

And she had almost slipped.

Almost.

After that night, she had thrown herself into her work, handling a few projects during the hiatus and focusing on giving her best to _The Lawyer_ after they had started shooting again. Instead of shutting her pain down with drugs, she had shut it down with work. She had used it as a lifeline and it had worked out pretty well in the end, except for one night.

The night of _The Golden Globes._

When she’d learned he’d be the one giving the trophy for her category, she had panicked and almost canceled the event. She hadn’t believed she had a chance of winning anyway, not because she didn’t believe in herself, but because the other nominees were all amazing and deserved it as much as she did. Unsurprisingly, it was Tommy who had convinced her to go, arguing that if she couldn’t handle one night there was no way she’d be able to handle weeks of shooting. The fact that Barry would be coming with her, to support her, had finished convincing her and in the end, things hadn’t gone bad, quite the opposite. They had been great, more than great.

From the moment he’d said her name in that special way of his, she had felt like her head had been disconnected from her mind. She had been on auto-pilot, getting up and walking up on stage. She had been completely lost, her mind unable to process what had been happening. She remembered crying and feeling out of place until she had crossed his eyes. Then, she had instantly calmed down. Because Felicity, no matter how much she was mad at him, no matter how much she hated him sometimes, couldn’t stop her body from reacting to him, to his mere presence. His hands had calmed her after her unpleasant one-to-one discussion with Ray Palmer at the Emmys and in his eyes, she had found the strength to give her speech. He still affected her in a positive way and even though her mind didn’t like it, even though she wanted to fight it, it was there, undeniable, inescapable.

At the _Golden Globes_ , she had let him hug her, her body curling naturally around his. She had held him back and let his warm presence and familiar scent anchor in the moment, bring her back from whatever panicked path her mind had sent her on. The hug had overwhelmed her and a myriad of emotions had assaulted her. Somehow, she had known he had been feeling everything she had. They had shared this moment together and for a second, she had felt as if things were back to the way they were before. As if they still loved each other. As if they were still together.

And it had hurt, to feel the ghost of their bond but not being able to touch it.

It had hurt because no matter how much how she hated it, she missed him.

She missed him _a lot_.

Added to that the fact that even after all these years, he still held some power over her… it scared her a lot. She had read somewhere that you knew you truly loved someone when they were the only ones who could make you feel better even if they had been those who had hurt you in the first place.

There was no denying that Oliver made her feel better.

And that scared the shit out of her.

She was even more scared because Oliver was single now, had been since the ceremony actually – but for some reasons, she didn’t want to linger on that particular detail. And Oliver wanted things from her, things she couldn’t possibly give him. He wanted to talk and she didn’t. But she knew him, knew that he wouldn’t give up and that he’d do everything to get his way. He’d use their physical connection against her and she had already proved she sucked at resisting him. She had barely caught herself in the bathroom at the Emmys. Who knew what would have happened if her conscience hadn’t started nagging at her? And what would happen now when, for the sake of the movie, they’d start playing with their natural chemistry?

She’d either break or give in.

But she couldn’t give in, she _wouldn’t_.

And if she didn’t then break was the only other alternative.

But she couldn’t break, not again.

So there she was, facing an impossible situation, facing him, his hotness and his kindness. Facing his smile and his laughter. Facing his hands and his eyes.

He was going to be the death of her and her traitorous body would help him finish her.

“God help me!” she sighed, walking out of the locker room.

She walked back inside the gym and took a second to watch her co-stars. The first she saw was Slade Wilson. He had been part of the first movie and played the enigmatic and powerful director of _The Agency_. Slade was a rough but nice guy, still, Felicity was a little bit intimidated by him. He was punching in a bag held by Roy Harper, a young actor, and former Abercrombie model. Felicity didn’t know him at all but they had exchanged a few words the previous day and she had really liked him. The studio had rented several apartments in the same building for the cast and crew and Roy had been walking in when Felicity had arrived with her suitcases and he had been kind enough to help her with her things. She turned her head away from him and her eyes fell on Shado Fei, a Chinese actress who had been in the first movie too. Her character had been a fellow agent and in the new movie, she’d be working under Felicity’s Theresa’s orders. Next, there was Isabel Rochev, a gorgeous Russian ice-skater turned actress, who was going to play a member of the Bratva, close to Oliver’s Dylan. The other two main characters were the leader of the Bratva played by Anatoly Knyazev, another Russian actor, and Drew (Agent 207), a tech expert from the Agency. Barry’s potential character.

Felicity walked to where Oliver was standing, talking with Jason, the stunt coordinator. She kept her eyes up and barely noticed the nice things his workout clothes were doing to his everything. She didn’t even notice the bulging of his muscles as he crossed his arms over his chest.

Okay maybe she noticed it, but only a little.

“Felicity hi!” Jason said shaking her hand.

She shook it back, noticing not for the first time he had a strong grip. They had already met several times before, at different meetings and parties. He had also been the one to prepare her training sessions, the ones she had done while in Vancouver shooting _The Lawyer._ He hadn’t been there to supervise her himself because of his own schedule but he had sent instructions and videos of the choreographies she had to learn where she trained.

“Oliver was telling me about his shape,” Jason informed her and Felicity snorted. Both men looked at her with confused looks on their face.

“You really had to ask? You couldn’t just look at him?” She let out without thinking.

Both men shot her surprised looks and she coughed to cover her embarrassment and turned her head away to hide her reddening cheeks.

“Let’s talk about those stunts,” she muttered, ignoring Oliver’s amused smile.

 

* * *

 

**The Agency’s _set, the gym – March 2 nd, 2017, Coast City, US_**

 

Felicity stayed in the gym even when everyone left. She was nowhere near ready for the scene she’d have to shoot on Monday and so she had decided that she needed to train more. The first day of shooting a movie was always difficult, chaotic even. People were always wandering around, trying to find their marks. It was a lot like the first day in a new office, except everyone was new and a bit lost. Felicity was the lead actress of the movie and the first one to shoot a scene meaning she needed to set the example for her co-stars, the same way Diggle was going to set the example for the rest of the crew by being his usual calm and collected self. Even aside from that, Felicity really wanted to make things easier for everyone, herself included, meaning she really needed to have mastered the first fighting choreography by Monday.

They’d be shooting the first half of the opening scene of the movie. That scene was actually a parallel between Felicity’s character Theresa and Oliver’s Dylan. While Theresa was breaking inside the server room of a company to steal some data, Dylan would be breaking inside the house of a Bratva’s rival. Oliver and Felicity both had to learn the same choreography because the scene would alternate shots of the both of them fighting extras to create one huge fight scene. For example, one moment on screen Theresa would be throwing a punch at a guard and the moment after, Dylan’s fist would be colliding with a man’s face.

She positioned herself correctly on the mat, closed her eyes and tried to remember what she was supposed to do.

Punch, duck, roll on the floor, trip the guy on the left…

She fell flat on her back and bit back a scream of frustration.

She had been working on this for weeks now and when she had been rehearsing in Vancouver, everything had gone smoothly. Now she couldn’t do a series of moves without tripping on her feet. Jason had been patient with her, everyone had been actually but even he had been frustrated with her at the end of the day’s session. And how could she blame him? Her focus had been shit every single day they had trained together.

And she knew exactly why.

She had been unsettled.

By Oliver.

Her anger at herself was pure fire in her veins. She got on her feet and hit the punching bag, the need to blow off some steam strong within her.

“Fuck this,” she swore, hitting the bag once again.

She heard a loud bang behind her and her heart skipped a beat in her chest. She turned around. Her heart skipped another beat.

Oliver.

_Great._

She didn’t relax when she saw him walk in. If anything, she stiffened even more even though her traitorous heart kept pounding in her chest. His hair was a rumpled mess on top of his head and his blue eyes glowed with something deep and intense.

Things had been… cordial between the two of them. They saw each other every day, even trained together and things were… cordial. Yeah, there was no other way to say it. They were cautious around each other, hiding behind a thick wall of politeness and didn’t speak more than necessary. It had left Felicity a bit unsettled at first, she hadn’t expected Oliver to act like that around her. She had expected him to always be there, trying to invade her space but he hadn’t. If anything, he had put some distance between the two of them, watching her from afar.

And in the end, it was that strange behavior of his that had unsettled her, rending her incapable of doing anything properly. He made her feel like a goddamn teenager, all awkward and stupid. She kept questioning herself, wondering what thoughts were crossing his mind.

Was he thinking about them? Had he given up on the idea of them talking?

And more importantly… What did he think of her?

She hated that she cared about his opinion, it should be the least of her concern what he thought of her, but she couldn’t help it. Just like she couldn’t help reacting to him.

 _“Get a grip_ ,” she told herself.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, forcing herself to sound casual.

“You didn’t leave,” he said, his voice trailing down because of the things he left unsaid. She knew immediately he had come back for her, maybe to check on her and something clenched in her stomach at the thought, at the implications.

“Yeah I wanted to train some more,” she explained, catching her ponytail and nervously playing with the tip. “My head hasn’t really been in the game lately.”

“I noticed,” he said simply, leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest, his muscles bulging. She swallowed.

Barry had arrived the previous day and they had spent the biggest part of the night on the couch in her tiny apartment, talking about the movie. Or more accurately, Barry had freaked out and Felicity had listened and tried her best to calm him down. His enthusiasm and happiness, the way his eyes had shown brightly and the colors on his cheeks, everything had made all the things she had said to Diggle mattered even more. He was going to do great in the movie, she knew it deep in her heart.

Now, she was glad he had finally arrived. It was easier for her to be herself with her friend around. Barry had a way to make her feel comfortable… He was always smiling and so happy, it was impossible not to be affected by him, just like she had told Diggle.

“You looked tired today,” Oliver said, his gym bag handle’s sliding down his arm to the floor.

“Yeah Barry kept me up late last night.” Oliver coughed and she winced. “I could have phrased that better,” she said, looking anywhere but at him, even though she could feel the weight of his eyes on her. “What I meant to say is that we had a lot of catching up to do.”

“If you’re tired, you should go rest,” Oliver told her, taking off his jacket and dropping his gym bag on the floor.

“What are you doing?” she managed to say without stammering. And it wasn’t easy. Oliver was standing right in front of her, wearing a white tee-shirt that clung to all his muscles, that hugged his perfect body perfectly and she was still just a woman with functioning eyes. Yes, she had seen him all day long but it didn’t mean she was immune to his Greek God-like perfection, quite the opposite actually. It was easier to forget about his handsomeness when there were other people around them to distract her. But right this moment, they were alone. There was nothing to distract her. He was the only thing she could focus on. And all of a sudden, the gym seemed too big and the air too thick.

“You won’t leave before you manage to do the choreography without making a single mistake,” he explained, stepping on the training mats. “I’m going to stay here and help you.”

Uh-uh, no, no, bad idea. Being alone with him was a terrible idea. And damn him for knowing her so well! She had changed in five years, hadn’t he gotten the memo? She shook her head, her ponytail whipping the air.

“You don’t have to do that,” she was quick to reply.

She was trying her best not to look or sound like a deer caught in headlights but if the amused look on his face was anything to go by she wasn’t succeeding. Damn him!

“We’re partners remember? Besides, it’s not the choreography that you need to work on, you know it just fine.”

She arched an eyebrow. “Then what do I need to work on?”

“The way you move. It’s not natural, you’re thinking too much.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. It stung a little even though she knew he wasn’t being mean, just stating a fact. She did think too much, that was nothing new.

“I can help with that. Make you do it until you stop thinking about it.”

“Alright, if you insist,” she said, turning her back on him to move back to the edge of the mats. She got in position and looked up in his direction.

She gulped.

He had taken off his shirt.

She zoned out for a second, her mind frozen.

Her eyes traveled from his broad shoulders down to his solid chest. Her mouth went dry and she clenched her fists at her side but still, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the expanse of newly exposed skin. It was tanned by the sun of California and her fingers itched with the desire to touch, to see if it would be as smooth, as flawless as it used to be. Her mouth went drier when she saw his perfectly defined six-pack – or was it eight-pack, ten-pack? – and then her eyes fell on the perfect V of his pelvis because his shorts hung low on his hips.

Warmth pooled in her belly and she dug her nails into her palms to stop herself from doing something stupid. She looked up and saw that he was staring at her, and she just knew he had caught her staring and that all her thoughts were written on her face and that he could see it. Because he was smirking.

The cocky bastard.

Damn him!

“Why- why did you take off your shirt?”

He walked to her, that stupid smirk still on his stupid face.

“It’s hot in here, don’t you think?”

He stopped, so close to her, she could feel the heat radiating off him on her skin. Suddenly, the barrier of her tank top seemed really thin. She looked down and bit the inside of her cheek. His nipples were semi-erect, canceling his earlier affirmation that the room was hot. But still, she felt a pang of want inside her and the itch to touch grew stronger.

She did the only thing she could do.

She punched him.

Well, she tried to. He blocked her arm with his and their eyes locked. She thought for a second, calculating where to hit next when he punched her.

Well, tried to because her reflexes were great and she ducked before he could hit her.

“Stop thinking Felicity,” he said, and there was a new tension in his voice, something that probably went with the new intensity she could see swirling in his eyes.

She tried to. She really did but in the end, she couldn’t. Because it was Oliver she was sparring with and she was calculating her every move. Even the smallest touch, the slightest brush of skin against skin was burning her and she couldn’t stop thinking about how to limit those contacts between them.

Until Oliver snapped.

“Felicity!” He growled, stepping away from her, his frustration evident.

She watched him silently, her eyes fascinated by the play of his muscles in his back as he ran his fingers through his hair. But she got worried when she saw him reach for his tee-shirt and pull it on.

“What? You’re giving up already?” She said with a bitter taste in her mouth. The man she had known had never been the “giving up” type.

“You’re not even trying!” He yelled, turning to face her, annoyance and sheer frustration distorting his features.

She staggered a little bit. Once again she felt herself being taken down by his eyes, by this blue that was more than blue and that told her so many things, things she’d rather not know. Something clenched in her stomach and she felt her heart beat just a little faster in her chest. She could escape the truth she saw in the mirror every day but there was no escaping him.

He strode to her and she was forced to take a step back because he almost collided with her. His hands clasped her arms, capturing her. She instantly reached back, her nails digging lightly in his forearms. He bent his head a little bit toward her, just enough to press his forehead against hers. His skin was a bit sticky but still, her eyes fluttered closed as her senses were overwhelmed by his close presence, as they were entirely flooded by him.

“This isn’t about us,” he whispered and she could feel his hot breath on her skin.

Her knees almost buckled.

Almost.

“When we’re here, there is no Oliver, no Felicity. Just Dylan and Theresa.”

Felicity worriedly bit on her lower lip and she closed her eyes, unconsciously pressing her forehead back against his. She loved being an actress because she loved being someone else. She had been really eager to get back in the business after her rehab, not because she had missed it – she would have been fine staying out of the business for the rest of her life – but because she had needed it. She had needed the escape, the few hours where she wasn’t Felicity and where nothing was hurting anymore. The more her character was different from her, the better. Hanna in _The Lawyer_ was nothing like her and that was why she loved her so much.

So she knew what Oliver meant when he said there was no Oliver and no Felicity. It was actually what she looked for in a role. But Theresa… Theresa in this movie looked a lot more like her than she had in the first movie. Too many of her feelings hit far too close from home. It was hard, disentangling herself from her character, separating what was Felicity’s from what was Theresa’s. It was really, really hard. And it was even harder given her history with Oliver. Some things just couldn’t be brushed aside, even temporarily.

“Felicity open your eyes,” Oliver asked softly.

She did as she was told and blue met blue. A lump formed in her throat just when a pang of longing made her heart throb in her chest. She tightened her grip on him and he tightened his grip on hers, his thumbs rubbing circles on her skin.

“Dylan and Theresa always complemented each other perfectly. There was never any doubt between them, any hesitancy. There was never a choice to make for either of them, it’s still true even after all these years and that’s what needs to come through on screen.”

Burning tears welled up in her eyes and when she spoke, her voice was so fragile she feared it would break before she could say the words.

“Are you sure it’s still Dylan and Theresa you’re talking about?” She asked and she felt him stiffen against her.

“Felicity,” he whispered, making her name sound like a plea.

Her eyes fluttered closed and for a second, she wasn’t in Coast City anymore.

 

* * *

****

**_Oliver Queen’s loft – March 8 th, 2009, Los Angeles, US_ **

****

“Felicity…”

She felt his fingers softly trail down her back, teasing.

“Felicity,” he whispered again, his breath warm against the shell of her ear. He nibbled the lobe and she moaned softly, clutching her pillow more tightly.

“’Liver,” she sighed softly, feeling him move beside her.

He pulled the sheet that was covering their naked bodies away from her back and she shivered when the cool air of the room hit her skin. She hissed as she felt goosebumps spread on her skin. Tentatively, she opened her eyes, her mind slowly coming back from the land of dreams. They hadn’t bothered with closing the curtains after they had tumbled in bed the previous night meaning that rays of sunshine were coming in through the window, casting a soft golden glow on the room.

She smiled, contentment washing over her. She felt good, perfectly good, lying in bed with her boyfriend’s warm body close to her. She had missed his presence, his warmth, his familiar scent during the past few days that she had spent away from Los Angeles. And if the sweet soreness she felt between her thighs was any indication, he had missed her too.

She felt Oliver press himself closer to her, his fingers still stroking the skin of her back. They followed the curve of her spine, slid down to her hip, grazing the skin of her side on the way there. More goosebumps broke on her skin and she sighed softly turning on her back. Her eyes met Oliver’s own blue eyes and she couldn’t help but smile at how he was lovingly gazing at her. Her heart fluttered in her chest at the sight of him.

He looked really sexy in the morning.

Actually, Oliver looked sexy all the time.

But there was something about him in the morning… About his rumpled hair, his scruffy cheek and drowsy eyes, about the way he was leisurely smiling at her… There was something really sexy to all that. Sexy and beautiful and perfect. But then that wasn’t all surprising.

Because Oliver Queen was perfect.

He wasn’t just a skilled lover that played her body better than her two previous boyfriends – even though that was enough on its own to make him perfect in her book. He was also an amazing person. She hadn’t expected him to be. And yes, she knew it was awful, she had been awful for judging him just based on what she had heard and read but she couldn’t find it in herself to regret it. Because it had allowed him to surprise her. And boy he had surprised her, pleasantly so.

Oliver was everything.

He was funny and kind and caring.

He was passionate and romantic.

But more importantly, Oliver listened to her. He was there when she rambled about stupid, unimportant stuff from her daily life. He was also there when she was excited about a new book or a new song. He was also there for the quieter moments when she was scared because her life was getting away from her. In those moments, he made her feel secure and loved, offering her a hand to hold onto as she was drawn into yet another whirlwind. Oliver had a way to make her feel important, a way to make her feel like she truly mattered. He sat down next to her and listened quietly when she played the piano. He was curious about her and really tried to understand her. And he seemed to like the person he had uncovered because he was still with her even after all those months.

Oliver was perfect for her. He was in love with her, all of her. The things she hated about herself? He loved. It didn’t bother him that her mouth got away from her more often than not. On the contrary, he found that endearing. It didn’t bother him that she was always humming a song or that she was quite reserved and loved quiet nights in better than big nights out.

It had taken her a long time to get used to the idea. For so long she had waited for him to tell her it was over. For him to tell her their thing had just been that, a thing, and that he wanted out. She had waited for him to walk out of her life. It had never happened and there was no denying the truth now.

He was in love with her and wasn’t going anywhere.

That was really great because she was very much in love him too.

She loved how blue his eyes were in the sun, his laugh when she said something funny. She loved his voice when he said her name. She loved him, all of him, so much she felt like her heart might burst in her chest because all the love was just too much.

The words almost fell from her lips.

_Almost._

“What are you doing?” She asked instead.

He hovered over her and she immediately parted her legs to make some room for him. He settled on top of her, supporting his weight on his arms on both sides of her head. She grazed his sides with her hands, her touch soft and light, traveling up and up until she reached his hair. She messed with it a little and it drew a smile on his lips.

“Do you know what day it is today?”

She frowned, puzzled by the question. His eyes were dark with lust and so intense on her, she felt warmth pool low in her belly.

“Sun- Sunday,” she stammered as he started kissing the column of her throat, making sure to rub his chin against her sensitive skin.

“The date Felicity,” he whispered, pressing an open-mouthed kiss at the juncture of her collarbone and sucking, hard. She inhaled sharply and thrust up against him, her naked breast pressing against his hard chest. “What day is it?”

“I- uh,” she said, coherent thoughts fleeing her mind. “The- the 8th? Why?”

He didn’t reply immediately, he was too busy kissing up her throat. He sucked her lower lip into his mouth and she moaned, digging her fingers in his skull. He pulled away enough so that he could look into her eyes and she followed his lips with hers, an unhappy sound falling from her lips.

More, she wanted more.

“You mean you don’t know what day it is today?”

He sounded genuinely surprised and maybe a little annoyed.

She smiled, bringing his head closer to hers again, enough to mingle their breaths together.

“I didn’t say that,” she replied, her lips brushing his with every word she spoke. “A year ago,” she started before kissing him.

“A year ago,” he repeated between two kisses.

“A year ago,” she said shifting her position underneath him a little and bending her thighs so that she could hold him in the cradle of her hips. “I met a guy.”

“Yeah?” His voice was rougher than before and laden with arousal. There wasn’t a part of her body that wasn’t pressed against his and she could feel his length harden against her belly.

“Yeah,” she nodded, feeling wetness pool between her legs. “You might remember him from somewhere, he’s about 6’1 feet of handsome, has gorgeous blue eyes, sandy hair, a body to die for. Oh and he’s recently decided to stop shaving regularly.”

“You don’t sound like you’re complaining,” he pointed out and she laughed.

“I’m not,” she confirmed, grinning. He kissed it away, prying her lips open with his tongue. She happily complied and got lost in the feel of his lips against her, in the dance of their tongues, in the taste of him. He pulled away way too soon and she whined in protest but it quickly turned into a moan when he sucked her lower lip into his mouth. She pulled on his hair, trying to bring him back to her but he denied her.

“I may be wrong but I think you just described your boyfriend.”

She smiled, her heart fluttering when she heard him say the word.

She would never get tired of being called his girlfriend.

She, Felicity Smoak, was Oliver Queen’s _girlfriend_.

They had been together for months, they had known each other for a year but she was still as happy as the day he had called her his girlfriend for the first time.

“I guess I just did,” she agreed.

“I’ve got something for you,” he said disentangling himself from her.

“What? No!” She tightened the grip of her thighs around his hips, keeping him anchored to her. “It can wait, we have something nice going on here,” she added, pouting, knowing he was unable to resist her when she looked at him that way.

He groaned and shut his eyes closed. “Felicity… Now’s the only moment I have to give you my present.”

She frowned in confusion. “Why? The day is barely started.”

He gave her that beautiful smile that showed his dimples and made her insides melt and tenderly brushed the tips of his fingers against her cheek.

“Because once I get started, I won’t let you go until the day is over.”

She swallowed hard, her toes curling beneath the sheets. “O-okay,” she stammered, her throat tight.

He smirked and got out of the bed naked as the day he was born. As usual, he was completely unashamed and she couldn’t help but stare at him, at his perfectly shaped body, at his toned skin and fine muscles. He had started working out more lately and it was really starting to show. Not that she was complaining. Quite the opposite. She enjoyed the view and he enjoyed her staring at him even more.

“You’re lucky I don’t have anything planned today with that boyfriend of mine,” she told him as he walked out of his bedroom.

She heard him laugh. “Lucky me indeed. Isn’t he going to miss you today?” He asked as he walked back in, a small package in hand.

She shook her head and sat down, dragging the sheet up to cover her chest. He rolled his eyes at her when she did.

“Nah, he’s not the jealous type.”

“Oh really?” He challenged her crawling back in bed.

“Yeah,” she confirmed, a smile threatening to stretch her lips. She loved messing with me.

He dropped the package in her lap. She bit her lower lip, staring down at the red ribbon. Oliver was just _perfect_ and yet here he was, with her, the worst girlfriend in the world.

“I don’t have anything for you,” she said, guilt creeping inside her. “I’m sorry, I thought we weren’t doing anything special today and were waiting for our anniversary…”

“Hey, hey,” he stopped her, cupping her shoulder. “It’s okay. Just open this.”

“But…”

“Felicity just open it!” He cut her off.

She nodded and deftly opened the package. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw what was inside…

“Oliver,” she breathed out.

She looked up and saw that he was grinning at her.

“What – what does this mean?” Tentatively her fingers caressed the leather of his jacket, _the_ lucky jacket he always wore to auditions, the lucky jacket that had brought them together, _the_ jacket.

“This is for you.”

“But Oliver… It’s your jacket. Your lucky jacket. You can’t give it to me,” she said, her heart beating faster and faster in her chest.

“I can. I am actually.”

“But – but… Why?”

He shrugged. “I don’t need it anymore, I have you.”

“What?”

“I don’t need it anymore,” he repeated. “Do you remember how we met? If I hadn’t lost my jacket that day, we’d never have met. It makes my head spin when I think about it. Knowing how close I came to not knowing you… You’re so important to me, I love you so much… Thinking I could have just passed by you and never actually met you… It makes me sick. And I’ve been thinking lately about who I was a year ago before you and I’ve come to the conclusion that I am better. I’m better with you.”

“But why give me the jacket?” She insisted, a lump of emotions forming in her throat and tears welling up in her eyes.

“Because I don’t need it anymore. I can’t get any luckier.”

“I’m sure you can,” she pointed out, pinching her lips to keep herself from bursting into tears.

“True. But you’re all the luck I need. You’re my lucky charm.”

Her heart clenched in her chest at his words, so tightly she felt like it might burst in her chest.

“I love you.”

The words spilled from her lips, barely louder than a whisper.

Stunned silence followed her declaration.

“I love you,” she repeated louder, meeting his eyes. His gorgeous blue eyes she loved so much. Gone was the dark lust, they were now filled with love. So, so much love.

“Say it again,” he whispered.

She set the package and the jacket aside and threw herself at him. He fell back on the bed, with her on top of him. She peppered his face with kisses, her fingers running through his air.

“I love you.”

 

* * *

 

**_Present time…_ **

****

“Felicity,” he said again and something clenched in her belly.

They were so close to one another his lips brushed against hers when he spoke. Brushing but not quite kissing. Still, that ghost of a kiss was enough to make her crave a real kiss. But he didn’t give her what she wanted, moving instead his hands from her arms to her face just so that he could cup her cheeks. He did with reverence as if she was a precious thing that needed to be treasured. His thumbs stroked under her eyes tenderly, catching her tears easily. Goosebumps spread on her arms and she shuddered against him.

“Oliver,” she replied, her hands grabbing his wrists.

She didn’t push him away, didn’t move to free herself from his hold. Time seemed to freeze and she just stood there, her breast brushing against his chest with every breath she took. She was hyperaware of him, of how his body was slightly trembling because of the tension inside him, of how warm his hands felt against her cheeks, of how his breath caressed her lips. He was so close, closer than he had been in years. It made her heart pound in her chest, his proximity, just like his familiar scent made her head spin.

“Let go of me,” she whispered, her voice trembling.

“Let go of me _first_ ,” he whispered back but with a fierceness that made her suck in a breath.

She closed her eyes and willed her hands to let go of him.

They didn’t.

Instead, as if they had a volition of their own, they traveled down his arms, a feather-like caress on his burning skin. They moved past his shoulders, down his perfectly muscled torso and they fisted the fabric of his tee-shirt. He hissed between his teeth, his jaw clenched tightly. He pulled his forehead away from hers, at least enough for him to look at her face entirely. He searched her features intently, not bothering to hide his own emotions. She saw his pain, naked and raw, and it told her exactly what he was going to say before the words left his mouth.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he said and the words seemed to echo loudly against the walls of the empty gym.

She let out a shaky breath, her heart clenching painfully in her chest.

“I don’t believe you.”

“It’s the truth. Felicity, I –“

She pulled on his tee-shirt and raised herself on her tiptoes, silencing him with her lips firmly pressed against his. Her mind froze, all the resolutions and promises she had made to herself shattering as her heart sore in her chest. She had caught him by surprise and for a long time, he remained still against her, not pushing her away but not responding either. She was about to pull away when Oliver’s grip on her cheeks tightened and he started pressing his lips back against hers turning things into a real lingering kiss.

The chaste kiss was like striking a match and passion immediately burst between them as a result.

She felt his tongue press against her lips, insistent and demanding, and her knees buckled. He was quick to steady her with one hand coming to hold on her waist. She parted her lips for him, unable to deny him anything. He was quick to invade her mouth, quickly rediscovering her with his tongue and she moaned at how good he felt against her. God, she had missed him! She had missed how he could make her feel a thousand different things with just a stroke of his tongue against hers, how great his raspy stubble felt against her own soft skin.

She hadn’t been properly kissed in a very long time, TV kisses didn’t count, and she had forgotten how good it felt. No scratch that, she had forgotten how good it felt to be kissed by Oliver Queen because nobody else could make her feel like he did.

Her skin was on fire, her heart pounding in her chest and her breathing erratic. She was burning up from the inside, and it seemed as if a hurricane of butterflies had settled in her stomach. He was the only thing she could see, hear or taste. She didn’t know where she was anymore, she could barely remember her name. He was the only thing she knew. Him, his wicked tongue and devious hands.

He was everything.

He kissed her, devoured her with a desperation that had never been there before. He sucked on her tongue and nipped at her lower lip making her moan loudly before kissing her with renewed vigor, hard and deep. She was committing the moment to memory as best as she could. Everything. She wanted to remember everything. The way his hard body pressed against her, the way his tongue tried to learn her all over again, the little sounds he made, the louder ones he elicited from her… She wanted it all, forever with her. After their breakup, she had been heartbroken when she had realized she couldn’t remember their last kiss. She hadn’t known at the time it would be the last and so she hadn’t paid it much attention. She’d be damned if she made the same mistake twice. So she kissed him back with as much fervor, giving him as much as she was receiving.

Hungry hands fell away from her face and started caressing wherever they could reach. Her back, her arms, her waist… They were everywhere at the same time, eager and impatient. Her skin was tingling where he was touching her and aching where he wasn’t touching her. Her own hands started moving too, reacquainting themselves with his body, making him grunt against her. Heat pooled between her legs and she felt her core clench, ache with desire for him. Always for him, only for him.

They parted for air and Oliver suckled wet and hot kisses against her skin, following the perfect line of her throat. He nipped at that spot where her shoulder met her collarbone, a sensitive spot of hers, and she gasped loudly. Her hands in his hair, she pressed his head deeper against her as his tongue soothed the slight sting of the bite.

“Oh god Oliver,” she breathed out, her breasts suddenly feeling heavy in her sports bra.

He hummed against her skin, the vibration teasing the fire coursing through her veins. She pulled on his hair, bringing his lips back to hers for another passionate kiss.

A throat being cleared, loudly, tore them apart.

They jumped away from each other, and Felicity’s cheeks reddened, even more, when her eyes met Diggle’s hard gaze on her, on them.

“You have to be kidding me, right?” He said, his arms crossed over his chest in a disapproving stance.

“I – uh…” She stammered not knowing what to say. Her cheeks were burning and her heart was still pounding in her chest, for entirely different reasons now though. She felt like a teenager caught by the principle doing unspeakable things in the locker room. It had never happened to her personally, but she guessed how she was currently feeling wasn’t too far from that.

“We were just training,” Oliver said and she almost slapped her forehead.

“Really?” John replied, arching an eyebrow and Felicity flinched. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but John cut her off before she could.

“Listen you two, we’ve already been there, and we’ve already done that. I don’t care about what you do, or don’t do for that matter, as long as it doesn’t affect our work here. This was the first and last time that I walked in on the two of you, got it?”

“Yep!”

“Yeah…” Felicity said her voice trailing off.

“Good. Now, Oliver, may I have a word please? Or are you too busy training?”

Felicity didn’t dare glance his way but she had no trouble imagining the look on his face.

“Coming,” he muttered, walking toward where John was standing.

They left the gym after that, leaving Felicity alone.

Oliver never looked back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you guys think?  
> Don't hesitate to tell me in a review or leave a kudo. They both make me incredibly happy!
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/JustineC_M  
> and Tumblr: http://charlie-leau.tumblr.com/  
> Don't be afraid to come and talk to me. I don't bite! :)


	8. News from me

Hey guys!!!

 

First, I want to apologize for the false hope that a new chapter is up. I know some of you we’ll be happy to get a notification that I have updated and then very disappointed to see that, in fact, I haven’t! I really am sorry but I just thought this would be the easiest way for me to tell you where I’m at! Not everyone has a Twitter or a Tumblr account hence why I’m posting on ao3 directly.

Second, I want to apologize to you for the lack of update and I also want to reassure all of you right away and tell you **I haven’t forgotten or abandoned any of my fics**. I’ve experienced moments of doubts (especially for my soulmate AU) that partially explain why I haven’t posted a chapter in so long but in no way am I giving up on writing and finishing my soulmate AU (or this one for that matter).

The thing is, I’m just crazy busy with stuff. I’m working on my master degree and I have a 80-to-100-pages dissertation to write in spring so research has been taking most of my time as well as usual work and research for my other classes. All in all, I haven’t had much time to write anything (the reason I’ve still been able to update this story more often is because I already had a few chapters written, but I don’t anymore). Of course, I have some free time (I’m not spending all my time studying otherwise I’d be dead already) but I won’t write a chapter and publish it for the sake of writing and publishing only. I’d rather wait longer and give my writing all I have than writing something that will be less good. The stories and you all deserve better than a half-assed job. And to be completely honest with you, I’m not always in the right frame of mind to write fanfics. Someone very close to me is going through some stuff health-wise and it’s taken my mind away from fanfics and will continue to do so for a little while.

Now, I swear I haven’t forgotten or abandoned any of my fics but I won’t be updating any of my stories or reply to any comments until winter break. I have a long winter break and while I’ll be busy with my family and studying, I will have a lot more time and hopefully, I’ll find the right balance between real life and writing. So really what I want to say is don’t give up on my guys because I haven’t!

Thank you, I love you all!

 

Charlie-Leau aka J


	9. The fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!
> 
> Long time no see, I know! Please don't be mad at me... I've been extremely busy with real life. As I told you in my message about me, I was going through a lot at the end of 2017. My mom had to have surgery and I was worrying a lot about her and I also had to work on my first master dissertation. Thankfully, everything went well for both my mother and my dissertation: she made a full recovery and I passed with honors. I had my last oral presentation of the year last Thursday meaning I'm officially on vacation for the whole summer. 
> 
> I wanted to thank you all of your for your kind messages of support. I received many, here or on twitter and tumblr and it made me truly happy, and kept me going when I was having a hard time so thank you for that.
> 
> I'm updating Nobody first because I haven't had the time to write anything yet but this chapter I've had for a long time (I had a couple chapters writting in advance for Nobody, that I was saving for moments like these). So, I'm updating and telling you I'll be back to writing fanfiction for the whole summer. I promised you I would my finish my stories and I will. That being said I will concentrate on finishing my soulmate AU before I update Nobody again. Indeed, I only have 7 to eight chapters left to write, I started this story a long time ago so... I'll be finishing it first and will go back to Nobody when I can fully concentrate on it.
> 
> Thank you again for your support and for being understanding. With no further delay, the new chapter!

** As usual be careful with the date indications because of the flashback! **

**Also from this point, and until they're done shooting the movie, I'll be adding excerpt from _The Agency_ ' _s II_  's novelization, seeing as the story of the characters Oliver and Felicity play mirror their own story. Enjoy!**

 

* * *

 

**The Agency’s _set – March 2 nd, 2017, Coast City, US_**

 

Oliver felt like a fucking teenager summoned in the principal’s office for fondling a girl behind the bleachers.

And he was quite familiar with the feeling since it had _actually_ happened to him when he was in high-school.

His heart was thumping in his chest, his cheeks were warm and bright red, his palms sweaty. He could feel his blood beat against his temples violently. He held back a groan, fighting back the urge to grab his hair and pull.

God, this actually felt worse than it had in high-school.

And the worst part was that he hadn’t done anything wrong. Not a single thing.

And the second worst part was that the more Diggle went on without saying anything, the more Oliver felt bad. The silence between them was stretching and stretching to the point where Oliver felt as if he was suffocating. Still Diggle didn’t say a word. He kept walking toward his office, remaining utterly silent and letting Oliver brew over things just like his father used to do when he was a child and did something wrong.

Except, again, he had done nothing wrong and Diggle wasn’t his father.

They walked inside Diggle’s trailer on the parking right next to the set, the tension thick between them. Papers were sprawled over the table along with pens, lenses and books.

Diggle pulled a chair and sat down. He still didn’t say anything. Oliver felt the tension in the room thicken. He couldn’t breathe anymore, he felt constricted in his clothes, in his skin.

Finally, after a moment that seemed like forever, Diggle _sighed._

He sighed long and deep and rubbed his face with one of his hands.

“Care to tell me what happened?”

Oliver’s eyes fluttered close. “I don’t know,” he whispered, his lips tingling with the memory of Felicity’s tightly pressed against his.

After their break up, after he had realized there would be no second chance for them, he had forced the memories of their last moments together to come back to him. He had tortured his mind, in search for one specific memory.

The memory of their last kiss.

When he had found it, he had held it close to his heart, treasured it like the precious gem it was. Even now it still had the power to make his heart clench in his chest.

He had been away from their home in LA, busy shooting the first _Emerald Archer_ movie, when Felicity had surprised him by coming for a visit on his birthday. He had been pissed all day because she’d been out of reach, aside from a short “happy birthday” text in the morning, she hadn’t tried to contact him at all. His surprise had been total when he’d made it back to his hotel room after a long day on set to find his beautiful fiancée sprawled on his bed, a hundred candles the only source of light in the room.

They had made love for the last time that night. And it still hurt to think about it.

Their last kiss had come later, when he’d gone back to the airport with her. The kiss in itself hadn’t been special. A brief brush of his lips against hers. If only he’d known it would be their last, he would have done everything to make it count… No, who was he kidding? If he’d known it would be their last, he would have made it last forever.

And today had proved him wrong anyway. Their last kiss hadn’t been their last.

They had kissed again.

Ever since they had started working on the movie, Oliver had tried to keep his distance with Felicity. He had needed to take a step back to assess the situation. He still very much wanted to talk with her, to confront her, but he knew she wasn’t in the right set of mind at the moment and he had to bring her there. He had to make her ready.

So he’d taken a step back, taken a step away from her. It had been sheer torture when all he wanted was to come closer but he’d managed to do it. Until a few moments ago.

He had come back to the gym to help Felicity. She had been a mess during all their training sessions and he knew her well-enough to understand the reasons behind her failure. It wasn’t because she had prepared enough. No, it wasn’t that. Felicity was a hard-worker, she was always prepared. Something else had disturbed her, had bugged that brilliant mind of her. Him. She had been troubled by _him_. He had done nothing to help her with that, some part of him had even taken some pride in the fact that, even after all these years, he still affected her in some way. It was only fair, because she still affected him a whole lot. He was just better at hiding it than her.

Felicity had been thinking too much, her brilliant mind had been trying to figure out where they both stood meaning she had been unable to let go and _just be_ , meaning she hadn’t be able to get in character. And she had to get in character if she wanted to do a good job. He had come back to help her because he knew just how crucial it was to her that she didn’t fail.

It was when everything had gone to hell.

He should have known being alone with her wouldn’t go well, he should have known things would get mixed up. Perhaps a part of him had known and decided to go anyway. He had no idea. He just knew the moment he had been in her presence, his world had been tipped over by the sight of her with her blonde hair tied in a tight ponytail, her top clinging to her supple body and beads of sweat rolling down her skin. For a second, he had been tempted to catch one with his tongue, see if she’d taste the same way she had before. It had been hard to rein in the need inside him but he had.

Because he didn’t have the right to touch her anymore. He had lost that right a long time ago.

But in spite of the iron clad control he’d had over himself, things had gotten out of hands.

Oliver had just been overwhelmed by Felicity’s presence, by her voice, her warmth, her scent. He had been so overwhelmed, he’d been lost and everything had gotten mixed up until he couldn’t remember what was real and what was not, what was Dylan and what was him. What was Theresa and what was Felicity.

_“Are you sure it’s still Dylan and Theresa you’re talking about?”_

She had been right to ask him. But he had had no answer to offer her. Hell, he hadn’t known himself.

The atmosphere in the gym had been electric. He could still remember how she’d felt in his arms, how her body had been trembling, betraying the turmoil raging inside her. She had begged him to let her go but he’d be damned if he ever let her go again so he’d dared her to let go of him first. The pain had been excruciating in the minutes that had followed, in the minutes where he’d believed she’d let go of him.

But she hadn’t. She had held on and something inside him had shifted. The realization that perhaps Felicity wasn’t as closed off as he’d thought her to be had dawned upon him.

Some hope had filtered through the dark cloud fogging his mind and words he hadn’t been able to hold back had passed his lips.

_“I’ve missed you so much.”_

And it was true. Behind the anger, behind the resentment, behind everything, was the hole she’d left behind when she’d run. He had never been able to fill it. He had tried but nothing could replace what Felicity Smoak was to him. It was the truth. The hard, inescapable truth. It had taken him a while to understand that, years, but now that he had, he wasn’t letting that knowledge go. He wasn’t letting her go.

_“I don’t believe you.”_

That had been her chilling answer. And when her words hadn’t been enough to shut him down, she had used her lips.

He had been too dumbfounded to reply at first and it had taken him some time to decide whether or not he should be pushing her away. He hadn’t because he was as selfish as they came and if she gave him something then he’d happily take it. She had given her lips and he’d taken them, determined to make this new kiss count in a way he hadn’t made their last one count.

He had kissed her back, he had _gorged_ on her and some tiny parts of him had yelled at him it was wrong, too soon, that neither were ready for this but he hadn’t listened. He hadn’t been able to think past the feel of her small warm hands on him, past the taste of her in his mouth, past the softness of her skin… His heart had been a wild living thing in his chest from the moment he had stepped back inside the gym and he probably would have died of a heart attack, had Diggle not interrupted them.

And e couldn’t think of a better way to go.

“Oliver are you listening to me?”

Diggle’s voice.

His sharp tone tore him away from his thoughts.

“I’m sorry what did you say?”

“Don’t ruin my movie,” Diggle repeated, his tone calm in spite of his harsh words.

“I –“ Oliver shook his head. “Why are you telling me that? You know how much I care about _The Agency_.”

“Yes and I also know you don’t think clearly when Felicity’s around.”

“Oh really? What about her? I don’t know if you’ve heard, but she hasn’t exactly been on top of her game lately.”

He winced immediately after the words had left his mouth. It wasn’t like him to throw anyone under the bus, especially Felicity. He forced himself to take a deep breath and decided not to let Diggle get to him again.

“I’m aware of that,” his friend said. “We both know why she’s been out of it.”

He narrowed his eyes on him and Oliver couldn’t help but roll his eyes at him. “If she can’t work in my presence then what are we even doing here?” He shook his head. “Believe it or not, I was trying to help.”

“By kissing her?”

Anger bubbled in his chest again but he didn’t let it burst out. “She’s the one who kissed me.”

Diggle leant back in his chair, his surprise evident. “She did?”

“Yes,” Oliver confirmed, pulling a chair and sitting down. He thrust his face in his hands and exhaled. He forced the air out of his lungs and by doing that, he released some of the tension that had been coiling inside him.

“I spoke with Lyla, you know. She pretty much said you were playing matchmaker.”

Diggle shook his head. “No, I’m not. I’m trying to make a good movie. Give my characters a proper ending.” He paused for a second. “But if in the meantime I can help my friend who’s been hurting for years then… So be it. But don’t rush things, Oliver, don’t jump the gun or you might ruin everything for good.”

“I didn’t kiss her, she did,” Oliver reminded him.

“But you kissed her back,” Diggle countered. “You shouldn’t have.”

“I wanted to,” he said, rather bluntly. “Go ahead, call me a jerk! I sure feel like one but it’s the truth. I can’t escape it, I can’t escape her.”

“I know the feeling but you really can’t afford to rush things, Oliver. You can’t rush Felicity, she’s come a long way already but she still needs time.”

Oliver frowned and tilted his head. Diggle’s words reminded him of something Lyla had said.

_“She’s been hurt more than you can imagine.”_

“Stop treating her as if she’s made of glass,” Oliver said, annoyed. “She’s not.” And yet, he felt doubt flicker in his mind. Felicity wasn’t made of glass, he knew that, but there was a fragility to her, something that hadn’t been there before. She was strong and yet it seemed like she could break easily, if the blow was well-placed.

“You’re right, she’s not, but put yourself in her shoes for a second! You were still in a relationship with the woman she believes you cheated on her with a few months ago. That’s one hell of a messy and shitty situation if you ask me. You need to take the time to untangle things, talk things out.”

Oliver pinched the bridge of his nose, frustration flaring inside him. “There is nothing I want more but she doesn’t want to talk.”

“Well, that’s a problem you’ll have to figure out on your own. In the meantime, make sure this situation between the two of you stays between the two of you.”

“I’m only one-half of the equation,” Oliver pointed out.

“I know, Oliver, I know,” Diggle assured him. “I’ll talk to Felicity and tell her the same thing.”

Oliver nodded. Then he decided to put all thoughts of Felicity down to rest. He was still too lost in the memory of their kiss to think straight. Or perhaps, like Diggle had suggested, it was just Felicity that prevented him from thinking straight. It wouldn’t be the first time his friend knew better than him where he was concerned.

It didn’t matter. He would have the entire night to get lost in his own head.

He cleared his throat. “What did you want to tell me?” He asked Diggle.

They started talking work but still as they did, Oliver’s thoughts were haunted by a girl whose blue eyes held a mystery he was dying to solve.

 

* * *

 

**_Oliver Queen’s apartment – March 3 rd, 2017, Coast City, US_ **

****

Oliver was in the shower when he heard a knock on the door. Being the lead and Oliver Queen had its perks, he didn’t have to share his place with anyone else. He knew Roy Harper and Barry Allen, two of his castmates, shared an apartment, as did Slade and Shado, but it was because they were a couple. As far as he knew, Felicity too, didn’t share her place with anyone.

But right this moment, a roommate would have come in handy, because he was all wet and covered with soap.

Another knock.

“Coming,” he yelled.

Quickly, he washed off the soap. Then he stepped out of the shower, dried himself as best as he could with a towel before tying another around his hips. His hair was damp meaning water was still running down his body when he opened the door to find none other than Felicity on the other side.

His heart skipped a beat when he saw her, his mind immediately taking him back to the previous night and what had happened between them. She had looked hot when she had been training but now she was just really pretty with her blonde curls surrounding her face and her lips painted a bright pink. He had to refrain from reaching out to touch her and he clenched his fists at his sides to keep himself in check.

Her mouth was currently open in an “o” of surprise as she eyed him from head to toe. He smirked when he saw her tighten her grip on her bag’s handle.

“You were in the shower,” she said, at last.

He scratched the back of his head. “Yeah, I was.”

“Do you want to get dressed?”

“Yeah sure, give me a minute!” He walked back inside. “You can come in,” he told her.

“I’ll just wait here,” she replied, her voice tight.

He shook his head but didn’t push the matter. He came back a few minutes later, wearing washed-out jeans and a white tee.

“Going somewhere?” He asked, leaning against the door’s frame.

“Yeah,” she shifted her balance, looked around her. “Barry wants to explore the city,” she finally told him. “Roy’s decided to tag along,” she added.

“Oh, I see,” Oliver said, nodding. “Have fun!”

“Yeah…” Her voice trailed down. She shook her head. “Listen, I wanted to talk about what happened last night.”

Oliver frowned, surprised. She wanted to talk. That had to be a first. “O-kay…” He said, skeptical.

“Actually, I wanted to apologize. It was incredibly unprofessional and inappropriate of me but rest assured, it won’t happen again.”

Oliver tilted his head and took her in. She was still torturing the handle of her bag with her hands, twisting it in every possible way. “Diggle talked to you?”

“He did,” she confirmed. “But even without him, I’d have come and told you that. I’m really sorry.”

He brushed it off with a wave of hand. “Jeez relax! It was just a kiss,” he told her. It cost him to say the words, of course it wasn’t just a kiss, but he knew he had to play things down. She’d never accept anything else. “And you know, it was bound to happen at some point.” He went on before she could say anything. “We have history and we can’t circle around that. I think it was stupid of us to think things wouldn’t get mixed up during the shooting, but on the other hand it _is_ our job to make sure it doesn’t affect our performances or the making of the movie.”

“Yes, exactly! It’s our job. We’re professionals, we can do this.”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

Her eyes narrowed on him. “I’m not trying to convince anyone. I’m stating a fact.”

“Okay,” he said, wanting to be done with the conversation as quickly as possible before he did something stupid like shake her until she realized he was right and they needed to talk.

But Felicity, it seemed, wasn’t done. “It won’t happen again,” she insisted.

“You already said that,” he pointed out. “Listen, we kissed and there’s nothing we can do to erase that so let’s move on and focus on our work here.”

“Okay… Thank you for being so understanding.”

“You’re welcome. Have a nice day!” He went to close the door but she stopped him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow at the gym?” She asked.

“Yeah, we have a training session.” She knew that as well as he did. What had she asked?

“Good! See you tomorrow then!”

“Yeah right!”

This time she didn’t stop him and he closed the door on her. He leant back against it afterwards and let out a long deep sigh.

He had barely slept the previous night. Every time he’d closed his eyes, he had replayed their kiss, each time discovering something new about it.

Unlike what he’d claimed earlier, it hadn’t been just a kiss.

It had been the hesitant meeting of two lovers turned strangers. Then the furious clashing of two people with a lot of anger and resentment in their hearts mixed with the hunger of their starved bodies. Because they had been starving. For five, almost six, long years they’d been starving. For each other.

Their kiss had been desperate and voracious and searing and needy.

It hadn’t been just a kiss.

It had set Oliver’s blood on fire, it had woken the dull ache in his chest he had tried so hard to forget, drowning it in meaningless sex and drinking parties.

It really hadn’t been just a kiss.

He knew it, and Felicity probably did too. But as usual, she’d chosen to run instead of facing the truth, she’d chosen to pretend it was nothing.

And he had let her because it was the best course of action.

Oliver had thought about their situation long and hard during the night and he had come to the conclusion that confronting Felicity wouldn’t achieve anything. If he pushed her, she’d either retreat or snap and he didn’t want any of those things to happen. He wanted to talk to her, as calmly as possible. And for that to happen, he’d have to coax her into talking to him. So instead of confronting her and shaking her, like he’d wanted to a few minutes ago, he’d be gentling her, make her trust him again. It would take some time, he knew that, but he had plenty of time. He had months of shooting a movie with her, then months of promoting that movie with her.

He had time.

He’d get his talk, he’d get his truth. He just needed to be patient.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

EXCERPT FROM _T_ _HE_ _AGENCY II’s_ NOVELIZATION

 

_Jelena was a beautiful sensual woman, there was no denying it. But Dylan could only think about one woman, one with eyes the color of the sea._

_“You’re so tensed,” Jelena whispered, her fingers digging in the muscles of his shoulders. “Let me help you with that.”_

_Lips brushing his ear, warm breath caressing his skin._

_Dylan stiffened._

_“Leave Jelena,” he told her, his tone dark and dangerous._

_She dug her nails a little deeper and started pressing small kisses down his throat._

_Dylan clenched his fists._

_“Jelena,” he warned._

_“I’ll make it good for you. You know I will.”_

_Dylan’s eyes fluttered close. Memories danced behind his closed eyelids. He remembered a dark-haired girl, her laugh, her smile… She had been his everything._

_Correction._

_She was his everything._

_Suddenly, he was on his feet and facing the woman in the room with him, threatening her with all his height. He knew she knew his fury, the violence he was capable of. The fact that she didn’t flinch was a testament of her own strength. Still, he saw fear flicker in her eyes._

_“I said “leave”. I don’t want you.”_

_There was only one woman for him._

_Theresa._

_It had always been her, it would always be her._

_Theresa._

_The Bratva knew it, Jelena knew it. Theresa had been his only condition, in exchange for his cooperation. She was his, a part of him, so essential to his being he could barely function without it. Only Theresa could make him whole._

_“You know why they sent her, right?”_

_He didn’t reply._

_“They sent her to kill you, to take us out.”_

_“They won’t if we do it first.”_

_His voice was a low growl._

_Jelena smirked. “I’ll be more than happy to kill the bit…”_

_She never finished her sentence._

_Dylan had her against the wall in a matter of seconds, his hand tightly wrapped around her throat. He leaned toward her and whispered rough Russian words in the shell of her ear._

_“If you touch her, I’ll show you why our Pakhan thought I’d be more useful to the Bratva alive than dead.”_

_Jelena shivered. He squeezed her throat before releasing her. She collapsed on the floor, gasping, her breaths ragged._

_“Leave now. And spread the word to the others. Anyone touches Theresa, they’re dead.”_

_She was his._

_His love, his life, his everything._

_She had been taken from him once._

_She wouldn’t be taken from him twice._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

 

**_Twitter – March 6 th and 7th, 2017_ **

****

“ **Oliver Queen**

@OliverQueenOFF

Day 1 #TheAgencyII **instagram.com/p/KJs2lePvadx**

8:21 AM – 6 Mar 17”

 

“ **Felicity Smoak**

@AnotherBlonde

Look who I found on set today **@BarryAllen** **instagram.com/p/QXa4dfRsuhf**

7:54 PM – 6 Mar 17”

 

“ **Roy Harper**

@RealHarper

First scene with the tremendous **@AnotherBlonde** today! #TheAgencyII **instagram.com/p/LCs7zdTdofl**

6:23 PM – 7 Mar 17”

* * *

 

**The Agency’s _set, Oliver’s trailer – March 10 th, 2017, Coast City, US_**

 

Oliver was finishing to clean up his trailer – he thought and worked better in a neat environment – when he heard a sharp knock on his door. He went to open it and was surprised to find Barry Allen on the other side.

Oliver didn’t really know what his opinion on the kid was.

He wasn’t that much younger than him, he was the same age as Felicity and she was only four years younger than him, but there was something with Barry, with his face and his tall, lean body that made him look _young_. Now, Oliver wasn’t letting his looks fool him. He knew Barry was an athlete, a professional dancer, and a pretty good one from what he’d heard. But still, he couldn’t look at him and not think “kid”.  Of course, that didn’t mean he didn’t respect him. Oliver knew he was a good actor, he’d watched enough of Felicity’s show to know that. It also didn’t mean he didn’t like him. From what he’d seen of him so far, Barry Allen was a good guy, serious when working, playful as soon as the camera stopped.

But still there was something with Barry Allen that seriously bothered Oliver.

He couldn’t pinpoint what exactly…

No, no that was lie.

Oliver knew exactly what bothered him.

It was the kid’s close proximity to Felicity.

Oliver knew they were close friends. Barry had been her date at the ceremony of the _Golden Globes_ , she’d been on one of his videos on his YouTube channel and they were both regularly featured on each other’s Instagram accounts. So really Oliver knew they were close. But there was a difference between knowing and seeing and he was learning it the hard way.

Barry made Felicity smile and laugh. She was relaxed and comfortable around him and whenever Oliver saw them together, he couldn’t help but think it used to be him at her side, doing all these things Barry did. Talk to her, hug her, cheer her up.

_“Green’s not your color Ollie.”_

He heard his sister’s voice in his head, loud and clear.

 _“I’m not jealous_ ,” he told himself. _“I have no right to be.”_

“Barry,” he said, forcing a smile on his lips. “What can I do for you?”

“Oliver, hi!” The kid said, scratching the back of his head. He looked slightly nervous. “Do you have any plans for tonight?”

Oliver tilted his head. “No, why?”

“We were thinking about going out tonight and celebrate the first week of shooting. The whole cast is coming, are you in?”

Oliver knew it was important for the cast and crew to get together. They would all work better together if they were friendly toward each other.

“Yeah sure, I’ll be happy too!”

Barry gave him a hesitant smile. “Perfect then! We’re leaving in twenty.”

“I’ll be ready.”

 

* * *

 

**_Transatlantic – March 10 th, 2017, Coast City, US_ **

 

Oliver had last set foot in Coast City seven years ago, after they’d wrapped up _The Agency_ , but _Transatlantic_ , the bar where they used to gather, hadn’t changed much in that time. It was a nice bar with a strong vintage vibe and a good crowd.

Oliver really liked it there.

He was currently sitting on a leather seat with Felicity and Barry on his left. Roy sat on a stool on his right while Isabel, Shado and Slade sat on another leather seat in front of him.

“First round’s on me,” Oliver said, getting up. “What are you drinking guys?”

He got everyone’s order, finishing with Felicity’s.

“Mojito,” she said. “Virgin.”

He arched an eyebrow. Felicity wasn’t much of a drinker but she never toasted with anything non-alcoholic.

“Virgin? You sure? We’re all celebrating tonight,” he reminded her.

“I don’t drink,” was her clip reply.

She refused to meet his eyes and a bell rang somewhere in his mind. He meant to push the issue but he caught Barry gesturing at him to drop the issue.

So he did.

For now.

Sometime later, alcohol had helped them all relaxed and they were talking animatedly, about the movie and their personal projects after _The Agency II._

“When’s the wedding?” Felicity asked, pointing a finger at the ring shining on Shado’s finger.

“December,” Slade replied, squeezing his fiancée’s hand.

Oliver smiled at the sweet public display of affection. Slade had proposed earlier this week in front of all the cast and crew. The two of them had met on the set of the first Agency movie but Slade had been married at the time. They had started dating a couple years later, after he had divorced the mother of his son.

“Oh a winter wedding,” Felicity said, a small smile on her lips. “It’s going to be so beautiful.”

Oliver’s heart kicked in his chest at her words. He couldn’t help but think back to their own engagement. The night he had proposed… It had been one of the most beautiful nights of his life. And not just because of all the celebrating they’d done but also because of all the things they’d said to each other, all the plans they’d made, for their future, for a family… He had never been more honest with a person than that night, with her.

This moment had been everything to him. And it hurt to know it had meant more to him than her. It really did, even after all this time.

He tightened his grip around his beer, anger simmering in his chest at the memory of a sunny afternoon in New-York, of a door remaining close in spite of everything he said.

“Any plans on giving Joe a brother or a sister?” Oliver asked.

He felt Felicity stiffen beside him but the reaction barely registered with his brain. He was too busy listening to the answer.

“Let us be newlyweds first,” Shado said, smiling softly.

“Fair enough,” Oliver replied, sipping his beer.

A gentle pat on his shoulder.

He turned around. “Yes?”

“I need to go to the bathroom,” Felicity told him.

“Oh yeah sorry,” he got up, let her pass then slid back in. “Barry!” He motioned for the young man to come closer.

“What’s up?”

“What was that earlier? With Felicity?”

Barry shrugged. “Nothing.”

Oliver narrowed his eyes on him. The kid sighed.

“It’s not something she’s comfortable with, that’s why I wanted you to drop it. I could tell you wanted to push.”

Oliver tilted his head, assessing him in a new light. “You sound very protective,” he finally said.

“She’s my friend,” Barry replied, shrugging.

Oliver nodded. He respected that. And he was glad Felicity had someone like him in her life, someone watching her back.

He sighed but didn’t relax.

_“I don’t drink.”_

Not, _“I don’t want to drink”_.

_“I don’t drink.”_

A definite, unequivocal statement.

Her words had been clip, her tone sharp.

_“It’s not something she’s comfortable with.”_

Something dark bloomed in the pit of his stomach. His throat tightened and he suddenly felt very uncomfortable.

_“I know someone who knew her back when she was working in Vancouver and she was higher than the Empire State Building all the freaking time.”_

Laurel’s spiteful words echoed in his mind.

_“I don’t drink.”_

Oliver got on his feet and headed for the bathroom. He almost bumped into Felicity, who had just walked out. She gripped his forearms to stay upright.

“Careful,” she said.

And when she tried to pull back, he held on.

“What did you mean earlier?”

She tilted her head. “What?”

“Earlier, you said “I don’t drink”, why did you mean by that?”

A shadow crossed her eyes, he saw it in spite of the dim light of the corridor they were in. He could hear people laugh behind him in the bar but they didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was the woman in front of him.

“I meant exactly what I said,” she replied. “I don’t drink.”

“Why?” He insisted.

She tried to make him let go but he didn’t. Dread had filled his gut, absolute horror was coursing through his veins. He had to push her, he had to know the truth. This, Felicity, was too important for him to just let go.

“This is none of your business Oliver,” she said through gritted teeth, avoiding his gaze.

“Felicity,” he pleaded with her and the sound of her name made her look up to him.

“Well, if you insist,” she said, her voice laden with anger, “I don’t drink because I’m an _addict_ ,” she spat the last word.

Oliver felt as if she had used it to slap him. Hard.

“No,” he said in disbelief. “No,” he repeated, shaking his head.

“Yes, I am,” she insisted. “I’ve been sober for two years now.”

She tried to get free of his hold again and he let her. He was too stunned to notice anything.

He didn’t believe her.

Just like he hadn’t believed Laurel. Just like he hadn’t believed the rumors about Felicity that had come out back in the days.

He couldn’t believe it.

“Felicity no, that’s not you. I _know_ it isn’t, I know _you_ …”

She laughed. It was a dry, emotionless laugh. “No, you don’t.”

“I –“

“I swear to god, Oliver if you say again that you know me, things will get really ugly. You don’t know me, not anymore. You don’t know what I’ve been through so don’t you dare make assumptions about me!”

Her voice was shaking with the anger and the tears she was trying so hard to contain. Her fists were tightly clenched by her sides and there was a storm in her dark blue eyes.

“I would if you’d talk to me!”

She moved past him and left.

She just left.

Oliver immediately went after her.

They weren’t done.

She didn’t return to their table, instead she pushed the door to the bar open and walked out. Oliver followed right after her. He barely noticed the cool air of the night. He was too angry, blood pumping in his veins and pounding in his temple.

“Felicity!” He called out, grabbing her wrist.

She turned around, her cheeks red, the veins in her neck popping out.

“You want to talk? Fine let’s talk!” She yelled. “I was a fucking mess after everything Oliver, _a fucking mess_. I was hurting all the time and there was nothing I could do to make the pain go away, absolutely nothing. Until one day, I went to that party and I got drunk, so drunk, I don’t think I’d ever been this drunk before in my life. I couldn’t remember my own name!” She laughed again, that emotionless laugh that sent shivers down Oliver’s spine. “That night I felt no pain. Nothing. So I started drinking more and more and when drinking wasn’t enough anymore, I started doing drugs too. I was so high all the time, I was no longer in control of anything. I’d wake up in strangers’ bedrooms with my head pounding and no memories at all from the previous night. And when I had any, they made me puke my guts in disgust. God the things I did, the things I let be done to myself… The ache in my body soon added to the pain in my heart and so I drank more and more to forget about it all. I got stuck in this endless cycle of alcohol and pain and drugs and shame until I didn’t know if I was drinking to numb the pain or because I was hoping it would finally be one too many and I’d just die.” She shook her head, her cheeks streaked with tears.

“Felicity…” Oliver took a step toward her.

She took a step back. “Don’t,” she warned him, still shaking her head. “I don’t want to talk anymore,” she said, her voice broken by her tears.

She left then and he just watched her back as the darkness of the night swallowed her.

He didn’t want to talk anymore.

 

* * *

 

**_Oliver Queen’s apartment – March 10 th, 2017, Coast City, US_ **

 

Oliver’s ears were still ringing with Felicity’s words when he finally got back to his place that night.

He shut the door behind him and leant back against it, his fists tightly clenched by his side. They had been clenched since Felicity had left him standing alone on the sidewalk next to the _Transatlantic_.

God Felicity…

It felt like, from the moment they’d met again, they’d been on an ascending path toward each other. Tonight, they’d finally met halfway. Except they hadn’t met. They’d collided, like two cars in a race and the impact had sent them falling backwards.

Oliver was falling now.

He had been on a rollercoaster since that day at the theater where he’d seen her again and he was going down now, but there was no end in sight. No end, no way up, nothing.

Nothing but Felicity’s words.

They were playing on a loop in his mind, torturing him with their devastating meaning and the terrible images they put in his head. Felicity so small yet so strong, a broken thing. Felicity alone in dark clubs at night, trying to drown and numb her pain. Felicity with others, strangers, completely out of herself, disconnected from reality. Felicity, his Felicity, abused and broken. By herself, by others, by him.

His stomach revolted and he felt as if he was going to be sick. His insides were crumbling, destroying him.

He couldn’t get the image of Felicity in a dark room, in a stranger’s bed, bottles on the floor and white powder in a small plastic bag. Felicity hurting herself more in a desperate attempt at forgetting the pain that had been slowly killing her.

A pain _he_ had caused.

It didn’t matter that he had never meant to hurt her, it didn’t matter that all he’d ever wanted was to love her. Intentions mattered less than actions in the end, no matter what people said.

He had heard the rumors of course. Someone like Felicity couldn’t go off the radar without anyone noticing and speculating about it. Oliver had heard about her being fired from some projects for inappropriate behavior, he had heard many horrible things but he’d dismissed everything. He hadn’t believed any of it. Hadn’t wanted to. Because if he didn’t believe in it then it wasn’t real meaning he didn’t have to worry about it, meaning it wasn’t his problem nor his fault.

Except it was. It was his fault.

Guilt was a dark ugly thing inside him, spreading in his chest and slowly suffocating him. He couldn’t escape that harsh and tenacious enemy, couldn’t do anything but let it claw at him and feast on his heart and soul.

Anger, red burning hot anger, added to the mix. He was angry at everything and everyone. He was angry at Laurel, angry at Felicity, but most of all he was angry at himself.

_“I was hoping it would finally be one too many and I’d just die.”_

“God dammit!” He screamed, punching the wall in frustration.

His knuckles cracked, his skin tore and the physical pain, which was nothing compared to the pain of his heart, made him snap.

He collapsed on the floor, tears pouring from his eyes and running down his cheeks. He shook violently as the sobs he had been holding wracked his entire body.

He cried for everything. For Felicity, for him. For what once was, for what could have been and for what would never be…

 

* * *

 

**_Oliver Queen’s loft – June 19 th, 2009, Los Angeles, US_ **

****

Oliver was taking their dinner out of the oven when Felicity walked inside his loft, using the key he had given her a while ago.

“Hey,” he greeted her from behind the kitchen counter, a small smile stretching his lips at the sight of her.

“Hey,” she replied back, taking off her heels before toing them out of the way, not caring where they ended up.

“How was your day?” He asked, setting the table.

“Exhausting,” she said, stretching the word until Oliver smiled. “Jake, the director, is amazing but he’s demanding as hell and…”

Oliver watched her as she spoke. She dropped her keys in the bowl next to his, placed her jacket on the back of the couch. She was doing it all without thinking. She then walked to him and untied her hair, running her fingers through her thick brown curls. She was still talking, he could see her lips move as a stream of word escaped her, but he wasn’t listening, his mind having taken him somewhere else.

His eyes travelled from her to the living-room. And he realized she had completely invaded his space. The plaid on the couch was hers, she had brought it from her own apartment, after deeming his “not soft and fluffy enough”. She had also brought some of her favorite shows and movies for him to see. She had been horrified when he’d showed her his DVDs collection, or lack of really.

 _“How can you be an actor and not watch TV_?” She had said to him, her lips curled in that cute pout he loved to kiss away.

Felicity was everywhere inside his loft.

She was in the kitchen as well, with the different kind of teas she loved to drink stored in a cupboard along with the chocolate she loved to indulge in at night, after dinner. Come to think of it, Oliver was pretty sure he had some mint chip chocolate ice-cream in his freezer, and he sure wasn’t the one who’d eaten half a tub in one evening. She was in the bathroom too, with her makeup and stuff occupying two shelves, with her toothbrush next to his, with her shampoo and conditioner in the shower. Half his dressing room was filled with her clothes and shoes. And of course, she was in the bedroom. The bedside table on her side of the bed was crawling with her stuff, the book she was currently reading, her jewelry box, the cream she put on her hands every night before bed.

Oliver closed his eyes and he could perfectly see the tee-shirt (one of his) she had slept in on the bed that morning, forgotten on the unmade bed along with the two tops she had decided not to wear, picking another instead. He could see the chair crawling with both their clothes, the pillows she had him changed because his were “too hard”, the new sheets they had bought together because Felicity had liked their purple color. He could see it all and more.

And there was no escaping the truth. Felicity was everywhere. He didn’t know how it had happened, but she had invaded his space. And he didn’t mind it one bit. Quite the opposite.

And that was why he found himself saying…

“Move in with me.”

“… And then I said to him I couldn’t and… Wait, what?”

The first time his voice had been soft, as if he had been hesitating. He hadn’t, he had just been shocked by the realization of what he wanted. “Move in with me,” he repeated, this time with confidence.

Felicity frowned, completely taken aback. “I – uh – what brought this on?”

“I just – it just occurred to me that most of your stuff is here and you spend all your nights in LA here…”

She tilted her head. “Does that bother you?”

“No, quite the opposite,” he smiled. “I really love the sight of our stuff together, I love having you here and that’s why I want you to bring the rest of your things over and make your stay a permanent one.”

She turned around, scanning the living-room. “Our stuff does look nice together,” she said turning back to face him again.

Oliver tried to read her expression but it was hard to decipher. She didn’t seem to be revolted by the idea of them moving together, but she didn’t seem particularly thrilled either. “That’s it?” He pushed when she didn’t go on.

“Well,” she pinched her lips tightly together, “the thing is, this is _your_ place.”

“Yeah…” His voice trailed down because he couldn’t see where she was going with that.

“I love your loft, you know that but… It’s not ours.”

Oliver frowned. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that perhaps we should be looking for our own place.”

It took Oliver a full minute to understand what she was saying. When he did, he started smiling. “Really?”

She nodded, biting on her lower lip to contain a grin. “Yeah, really!”

Oliver walked to her and planted one big kiss on her mouth. She giggled and he lifted her up, depositing her on the kitchen counter. She wrapped her hands behind his neck, running her fingers through his hair.

“You make me so happy,” he whispered, boring his eyes into her eyes, hoping to convey all the love he felt for her, and there was a lot of it, in his gaze.

“ _You_ make me happy,” she replied, leaning down to kiss him.

 

* * *

 

**_Oliver Queen’s apartment – March 11 th, 2017, Coast City, US_ **

 

Oliver woke to the sound of someone knocking on his door. He rose from the floor, confused and dizzy. His head was pounding, his throat was dry and his limbs were killing him after a night spent on the hard wood floor. He had fallen asleep at some point during the night, utterly drained by the strength and intensity of his emotions.

He pulled on his clothes, tried to smooth the wrinkles then opened the door.

Felicity was waiting for him on the other side.

She looked pale, with her blonde hair gathered on one side of her face. Dark circles colored the skin under her eyes. She looked like total shit as if she hadn’t slept at all. He probably didn’t look any better.

She eyed him from eye to toe and seemed to notice he was still wearing the same clothes from the previous night.

“Are you okay?” She asked, her concern making his heart ache.

How could she worry about him? How could she bear to look at him? Let alone shoot a movie with him?

He blew out a breath. “Not really,” he said, choosing to be honest. His voice was rough from crying and it didn’t escape Felicity’s attention. If anything, it enhanced the tortured fire burning in her eyes.

“Yeah same,” she said, shifting her balance on her legs, obviously uncomfortable. “I wanted to talk to you about last night,” she started.

He raised a hand to stop her. “Please,” he pleaded with her. He didn’t know what it was he was asking of her but she didn’t seem to understand. Or if she did, she decided to ignore him. She crossed the distance between them, invading his personal space. Her flowery scent hit his nose and the urge to bury his face in her neck, to hold her against him and never let go ever go washed over him, made his head spin.

“I crossed a line last night,” she said, searching his face. “I shouldn’t have unloaded all this on you like that and then leave. I’m sorry Oliver, I really am.”

What? She was the one comforting him? After basically admitting that he had ruined her, hurt her so bad she’d slowly but surely tried to kill herself?

It was too much for him. He felt more tears prickle at the corner of his eyes.  

“Is that it?” He asked, wanting to be done with the conversation.

“No,” was her sharp reply. She reached for his hand but he evaded her touch. “Oliver, please, don’t do this…”

“What?”

“Blame yourself for my mistakes.”

He looked away from her eyes. “Felicity, don’t…”

She cupped his face with her hands, forcing his eyes back on her. “I know you, Oliver…”

“No, you don’t,” he cut her off, reaching to pull away from her.

“Yes, I do,” she insisted, not letting him. “I know you, just like you know me. And I know you think what happened to me was your fault. I’m here to tell you that it’s not. There’s only one person to blame and it’s me. I made mistakes, I made poor choices that almost completely ruined me. Not you.”

He didn’t reply. He couldn’t say anything.

“I need you to believe this, Oliver, I need you to believe me. It wasn’t your fault. It was mine. Only mine,” she added after a while, a distant look in her eyes clouded with tears.

“God, Felicity…” He said, unable to bear the sight of her tears. His hand came up and he brushed his thumb against her skin, collecting her salty tears. “Why didn’t you open the door?” He asked, his heart pounding in his chest, so hard and loud he was pretty sure everyone in the building could hear it. “That day in New-York,” he went on when she didn’t react, the words burning his lips, “why didn’t you open the door?”

“Why didn’t you call back?” She replied, her tone accusatory.

He frowned. What?

“Call back?” He asked.

She let go of him. “I called you. You never called back.”

Oliver’s heart almost leapt out of his chest.

What was she talking about?

“I never received any call from you,” he told her, his voice and his hands shaking.

She frowned, then horror painted her face after she’d processed his words and accepted them as the truth. “Never?”

He nodded. “Never.” He paused for a second, dread filling his gut. “Why did you call me?”

She opened her mouth, closed it. She swallowed hard, then said. “It doesn’t matter, not anymore.”

He took a step back, folded his arms. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

She nodded but she wasn’t looking at him. Her eyes were lost in the distance, in her memories. Oliver wished she’d share them with him but learning from his mistakes, he didn’t push her. He saw that she was rubbing her tattooed wrist like crazy, but still he didn’t push, and didn’t ask her what it meant.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said.

He didn’t elaborate because he didn’t know what he was apologizing for. Probably everything and nothing at the same time.

“Me too,” she replied before leaving him alone, once again.

He watched her retreating figure and promised himself to never let anything or anyone hurt her ever again. Himself included.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be sure to read the note at the beginning of the chapter, as it contains important information! 
> 
>  
> 
> What did you guys think?  
> Don't hesitate to tell me in a review or leave a kudo. They both make me incredibly happy!  
> The bar's name was inspired by the song Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie.
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/JustineC_M  
> and Tumblr: http://charlie-leau.tumblr.com/  
> Don't be afraid to come and talk to me. I don't bite! :)


	10. The promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!!
> 
> Thank you so much for welcoming me back so warmly!! All your comments and kudos pushed me to finish this ASAP. Your support keeps me going, I'm very grateful for every single one of you. So, thank you really!
> 
> Here's the new chapter. I know you all want Felicity and Oliver to talk things out and it's going to happen soon I promise. She will tell him the truth, not in the next chapter, but in the chapter after that. So don't be too mad at me for the delay, the wait is almost over!
> 
> Happy reading!

** As usual be careful with the date indications because of the flashback! **

**Also from this point, and until they're done shooting the movie, I'll be adding excerpt from _The Agency_ ' _s II_  's novelization, seeing as the story of the characters Oliver and Felicity play mirror their own story. Enjoy!**

 

* * *

 

**_Felicity’s apartment – March 11 th, 2017, Coast City, US_**

****

Felicity couldn’t breathe.

All the air had been sucked from her lungs and she couldn’t breathe.

She shut the door to her apartment and leaned back against it, the last five minutes playing on a loop in her mind.

_“I never received any call from you.”_

Blue eyes reddened by a night of tears had looked at her in earnest.

Oliver hadn’t been lying. He had never received any call from her. And if he had never received any call from her then it meant he didn’t know anything, he didn’t know what had happened that fateful day and…

Her skin crawled, her stomach revolted.

With shaking hands, she reached for her purse, looking for her phone. She emptied her bag’s content on the floor and let out a cry of frustration when she didn’t find her cell. She moved from the living-room to her bedroom and there she found it, on the bedside table. She grabbed it, unlocked it and dialed Tommy’s number, hoping, praying, for him to be awake at eleven in the morning on a Saturday – guy loved to sleep in during the weekend, especially if he had gone out the previous night.

She bit on her lip and stomped her feet as the phone rang and rang and rang.

“Come on Tommy, pick up,” she mumbled, nibbling her lower lip.

_“Felicity? Hello?”_

She took a deep breath and shuddered as she exhaled, holding back her tears as best as she could. “Hey Tommy,” she replied, her voice made rough by the tears she refused to shed.

 _“Is everything alright?”_ His concern tugged at her heart.

“He doesn’t know Tommy,” she whispered, her eyes fluttering close as she saw Oliver’s confused expression from earlier behind her eyelids again.

_“What? Who?”_

“Oliver, he doesn’t know about…” Her voice trailed down as she slid down the wall until she was sitting on the floor. “Oliver doesn’t know about Milo.”

Silence on the other side of the line.

“I – we – we were talking and he said “why didn’t you open the door in New-York?” and it kind of pissed me off, so I said “why didn’t you call back?” and he looked at me with those big eyes of his and he said “I never received any call from you” and he wasn’t lying Tommy. I swear he wasn’t, I could feel it in my bones. He never got my calls, and he probably never got yours either and now I realize I was so angry and so mad at him for so long for nothing because he didn’t know! He still doesn’t and I –“ she stopped talking. She couldn’t talk anymore. Tears had started to fall down her cheeks and she was drowning in them.

 _“Felicity, calm down, please!”_ Tommy pleaded with her, his tone calm and reassuring. “ _Breathe, slowly, in and out, easy! Breathe with me! In and out.”_  

She did as she was told and focused on her breathing. She inhaled and exhaled, slowly, until her ragged breaths had stopped completely and her racing heart had slowed down a bit in her chest.

 _“Good,”_ Tommy said. _“Now, please try again. Slowly, calmly.”_

She nodded, even if he couldn’t see her. “Oliver doesn’t know about Milo, Tommy, he never got the calls! I don’t know how that’s possible, but he never got them.”

A loaded silence on the other end of the line.

“Tommy?” She asked, an ominous feeling settling in her stomach.

He sighed deeply. _“What do you want me tell you Felicity? I never believed he got our messages and just ignored them. Oliver screwed up badly with the whole Laurel thing but he loved you. He loved you more than anything on this goddamn planet. If he’d known about what had happened to you, if he’d known about Milo, he would have come in a heartbeat, no questions asked… You know that.”_

Felicity’s eyes fluttered close. She knew that now but back then… back then Oliver had gotten in a relationship with Laurel Lance only a couple of months after that tragic night. She had thought he’d never called back because he had forgotten about her, because he hadn’t cared about her anymore. She’d thought he’d decided the loss of their child meant nothing to him because he had a new life to look forward to…

The sad truth was, she’d been completely blinded by anger and grief. The weight of her loss… it had crushed her, shattered her heart in a million pieces. She had been truly and utterly devastated. Her son’s death had been her hurricane. It had wrecked her, destroyed everything she was until her past self was nothing more but a memory. She hadn’t been able to reason, to think. She hadn’t known anything anymore. And in her moment of greatest despair, she had believed Oliver had given up on her. She’d believed she’d pushed him too far away for him to ever be able to reach her again. And she’d been too proud and too broken as well to reach out for him.

And Tommy… oh Tommy… he had tried to help, tried to fix things between her and Oliver but she had completely shut him out after those days at the hospital. She hadn’t been able to look at him without thinking of that night, hadn’t been able to look at him without feeling her heart breaking all over again in her chest. She hadn’t seen him in over a year when she’d called him after waking up at the hospital in Las Vegas, completely lost and disoriented, having nearly died from too much drugs and alcohol.

She shook her head trying to chase the dark memories away. They were like cockroaches, crawling beneath her skin and eating at her brain, slowly driving her insane.

“God, what am I going to do?”

_“Perhaps you should talk with Oliver?”_

“And tell him what?”

_“The truth.”_

She shook her head.

No.

She couldn’t.

She couldn’t tell him. Just thinking about it made her feel sick. She couldn’t speak of it.

“Tommy I…”

She clenched her free fist, trying to fight the turmoil inside her, trying to fight the memories off. But some things were just too strong, too powerful. She closed her eyes and let the darkness pull her under.

 

* * *

 

**_Felicity Smoak’s apartment – September 21 st, 2011, Los Angeles, US_**

 

_Boom. Boom. Boom._

The loud pounding on her door made Felicity jump in surprise. Instinctively, her hand came up to her stomach and she stroke it lightly.

“Felicity!” More pounding. “Felicity, it’s Tommy, open the door.”

She frowned. How did he know she was living here? She sure as hell hadn’t told him.

“I just want to talk, please!” He said.

Felicity got up from the floor and folded her arms over her slightly curved stomach.

“Listen, I know you’re in here and I’m not going to leave so you might as well open the door. Unless you want me to talk through it, which I’ll totally do, just so you know.”

Felicity sighed heavily. She knew Tommy well enough to know he was _not_ joking. She didn’t want to see him, didn’t want to talk him but she also didn’t want to cause a scene, and Tommy yelling through the door would certainly cause one. Her decision made, she hurried back to her bedroom and put on a hoodie that would help hide her small bump. Once she was covered, she moved back to her apartment’s door, on which Tommy was pounding again. She ran her fingers through her hair as she walked and wiped her sweaty hands on her faded jeans. She took a deep breath and finally, when she had calmed down a little, she opened the door.

Tommy tilted his head when she did, his mouth opened in a surprise “o”. “Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” she awkwardly replied.

He eyed her up from head to toe and as he did the look on his face fell. She knew all too well what he was seeing. A pale young woman with dark circles under her eyes and greasy hair, a young woman who had grown skinny enough for her doctor to consider hospitalizing her if she lost any more weight.

“Oh Felicity…” Tommy said, concern marring his face.

He reached out with his hand but she avoided his touch. Her grip on the door’s handle tightened.

“What do you want?” She asked, her voice shaking lightly. She was hanging by a thread, a thread so fragile a mere nothing could have broken it. Tommy and his pity were not nothing. They were more than she could handle.

“Just talk. And no offense, but you look like you need it.”

She let out a shaky breath. “How did you find me?”

He gave her a look. “It’s not like you moving here is a secret.”

She gently banged her head against the door. Of course. Ever since her big breakup with Oliver, she had been in the line of sight of every paparazzi in LA. She’d thought things would have calmed down a little during her time away but they hadn’t. They were after the truth behind her and Oliver’s breakup since neither of them had commented on it. Well, they sure weren’t going to get it from her.

“Can I come in?” Tommy asked.

She stepped aside to let him in.

“Excuse the mess,” she said, closing the door behind him. “I’m still settling in,” she said, gesturing at the couple moving boxes scattered across her living-room.

After New-York, her latest project had taken her to Europe and she had only come back to LA at the beginning of the month. She had spent all of her time since then looking for a place of her own and had only moved in her new apartment a few days ago. From the apartment she had shared with Oliver, she had only taken her personal belongings, things such as her books and clothes, meaning she’d also had to buy new furniture. Everything had arrived and been installed but she still needed to unpack her things, to make the place hers.

She was almost done with it but the apartment still didn’t feel like her home.

“It’s alright,” Tommy looked around him, taking in his surroundings. “It’s a nice place.”

“Thank you,” she said, nervously twisting her fingers together.

“But this is not your home,” he said, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Straight to the point as usual,” she replied, hiding her emotions behind a wall of annoyance.

“Come on, Felicity this is ridiculous…”

“What is ridiculous? My fiancé cheating on me or me dumping his ass for it?”

There was no mistaking the rawness in her voice. The memory of that night still broke her heart in a million pieces every time she thought about it. And she thought about it a lot. It had become her daily companion, following her like a second shadow. Except, it was tainting her, making everything in her life sour and dark.

“Felicity, Oliver loves you…”

“Oh really? Because the last time I saw him, he had his hands all over a woman that wasn’t me, a woman with whom he had a past, one he deliberately kept from me so…”

“Alright, Oliver screwed up bad! You know it, I know it and more importantly, _he_ knows it. But Felicity you’re no better! Ending things the way you did, completely shutting him out…”

His words made her see red. “No!” She cut him off, raising her voice. “You don’t get to tell me how to handle my relationship!”

“Felicity you’re not handling anything. You’re just running and I’m here to tell you to _stop_.”

She looked away from him, tears prickling at the corner of her eyes. “I don’t know how, Tommy,” came her broken reply. “I just don’t.”

“Felicity…” His voice softened and he took a step toward her but she took a step back, needing the distance between the two of them to keep a semblance of control over the situation.

“Every time I close my eyes, I see him with that _woman_ and it makes me want to throw up,” she told him, her throat tight.

“I understand, I really do and I’m not saying you should forgive Oliver overnight. But what you guys have is special. I’ve never seen two people more in love with each other than the two of you. You are stronger than a stupid drunken mistake!”

“Who said it was a drunken mistake?”

“Oliver.”

She snorted. “Of course and I’m supposed to believe him? For all I know, they’ve been going at it since the shooting of their movie started!”

Tommy shook his head. “Oh my god, do you hear yourself? They didn’t!”

“Did they? Because it would explain why he was so distant, wouldn’t it? And why he so conveniently kept their past from me!”

“This is not why he did it and he’d tell you his reasons if you would just listen to him–”

“I can’t Tommy, I can’t listen to him! I trusted him and he broke that trust. Now I can’t believe anything he says anymore and I…” She stopped when she felt a fluttering sensation in her stomach.

“What is it?” Tommy asked, sounding alert.

She ignored him and put a hand on her stomach, chasing the sensation with her fingers. It came again after a short while and it felt like a butterfly flapping its wings inside her.

“Felicity? What–”

The fluttering sensation disappeared but Felicity was sure she hadn’t imagined it. She looked up and met Tommy’s startled gaze. She fisted the fabric of the hoodie she was wearing, exposing the small swell of her belly as his mouth opened in an “o” of surprise.

“Jesus Christ! You’re pregnant!”

Hearing him say it out loud took off the weight that had been resting on her shoulders ever since she had found out she was pregnant. She hadn’t told anyone, out of fear the information would end up in the wrong hands. But now Tommy knew and she could take her first breath in months.

Someone knew. She wasn’t alone anymore.

Well, she and her precious little bean weren’t alone anymore.

“Yes, I am,” she heard herself confirm and maybe it was her, but she thought she sounded different, lighter.

Tommy’s features hardened. “Is this why you won’t talk to Oliver? Because you’re seeing someone else and expecting their baby?”

She froze.

_What?_

“How dare you?” She yelped. “This is Oliver’s baby, you jerk!” She walked the distance between them, determined to slap the stupidity out of him but he caught her hand before she could hit him.

“Jeez, calm down!”

“You know for someone who claims there’s something special between Oliver and I, you sure are quick to assume things!” She spat.

“Hey, you can’t blame a guy for asking! Because if you’re pregnant with Oliver’s baby, then it makes it even difficult for me to understand why you aren’t trying to fix things between you.”

Felicity’s breath caught in her throat. She was starting to feel constricted, claustrophobic in her own body. “Do you want to go out?” She abruptly asked.

“Go out where?”

“I don’t know just out.”

He stared at her long and hard before nodding.

 

**_Venice Beach – September 21 st, 2011, Los Angeles, US_**

 

With her sunglasses on and a baseball cap on her head, Felicity walked the short distance between her new place and Los Angeles’ most famous beach, Tommy a silent presence at her side. They passed an ice-cream parlor on the way and since her little bean made her crave strawberry ice-cream they got some before their resuming their walk.

It was very _cliché_ of her. Before her pregnancy, she hadn’t even liked it strawberry ice-cream! And she knew the baby’s fondness for strawberries didn’t come from Oliver, because he wasn’t exactly fond of them himself. Still, her little bean made it taste like the finest gourmet meal.

Once they reached the beach and the salty air of the ocean filled her lungs, she felt better. Her insides untightened themselves and she felt good again.

“You know,” she said, finally breaking the silence surrounding herself and Tommy, “this is actually what made me pick this apartment.” She gestured at the ocean, the sound of the crashing waves soothing her senses.

“I figured. This is really nice.”

They moved away from the path and unto the beach as they finished their ice-creams. They found a bin to trash their tubs and napkins in, then Felicity sat on a bench, feeling a little tired. Tommy remained standing in front of her.

“So…” He finally said. “How far along are you?”

“20 weeks,” she replied, looking around her to make sure no one was listening on their conversation.

“That’s– that’s five months!” He counted on his fingers.

She nodded. “When did you find out?”

“When I was filming _One Last Night_ in New-York.”

“Before or after the breakup?”

“After.”

“And before or after…”

“Oliver came to visit? Before.”

“And you didn’t tell him!? What the hell Felicity!?” She flinched, surprised by his outburst. “What’s going on with you!? What are you doing!?”

She felt her eyes sting and she bit her lower lip as she refused to let her tears fall.

“I’m just– I’m just so lost,” she whispered, “and hurt, scared and confused. It’s paralyzing me. I don’t know how to keep going, how to move forward. I’m completely lost, Tommy!”

A tear rolled down her cheek but she quickly wiped it away. Tommy saw it nonetheless and his anger melted like snow under the sun. He sat down beside her and wrapped his arms around her, even as he rested his chin on the crown of her head.

“Talk to me,” he pleaded with her, his tone gentle.

“This thing with Oliver… I don’t understand how we got here. I love him and he must love me too, or else why would he have proposed to me?”

“Of course he loves you,” Tommy was quick to reassure her. “He loves you more than anything in the world.”

“Then why didn’t he tell me about his past with Laurel? Why did he pull away from me while shooting his movie? And why did he kiss her? Drunk or not, he wouldn’t have kissed her if he hadn’t wanted to, right?”

“I don’t know, Felicity. It’s something you need to discuss with him.”

“That night things escalated so quickly… they went completely out of control! The moment I gave him his ring back, it felt like we couldn’t go back, like I had gone too far, crossed a line I couldn’t uncross. And of course, the next day Laurel talked to the media! Before I could process what had happened, there were dozens of articles out on the net and I was being harassed by paparazzi. Things have barely started to calm down and so much has been said, I don’t even know what happened and what didn’t anymore.”

“You know it’s not too late, right?”

She shivered as something clenched inside her. “Do you remember how things were when I first got with Oliver? How the press was saying I’d only been hired because I was screwing him, how they said I was using him to become famous? Well, after the breakup, I remember this article written by that bitch Susan Williams where she claimed it had been easy for me to leave him because I had never loved him anyway. She wrote four pages and she went on and said I jumped on the first chance I got to get rid of him. What do you think she would say if we got back together and she heard of my pregnancy?”

Tommy tightened his hold on her. “More lies, I assume,” he said through gritted teeth. “Felicity, you can’t let your fear hold you back.” He slipped one hand in the front pocket of her hoodie and touched her belly. “Think of your baby. What do you think is best for them?”

“He kissed her, Tommy…” Her voice broke and she started crying silent tears.

Feeling her distress, Tommy kissed the crown of her hair and rubbed her arm, her back, everywhere he could reach, anything to bring her some comfort. “I know he hurt you. I’m not saying you have to get back with him, even if I do think it would be best for the two of you in the long run. I’m just saying talk to him. Work things through.”

She nodded, knowing he was right, knowing full-well she couldn’t go on as she had. She wasn’t living her life to its fullest and she knew why. She was missing the most important person in her life, she was missing the other half of her.

She would talk with Oliver and she wouldn’t do it for their child. Couples that stayed together for their children were never truly happy. She would talk with Oliver and she would do it for herself, for him, for them.

She would do it because she loved him and because she couldn’t live without him.

She could only hope that he felt the same way about her.

 

* * *

 

**_Present time…_ **

****

“ _Felicity, are you still there?”_

Tommy’s voice brought her back from where she had gotten lost in her memories.

“Yeah, sorry,” she sniffed, “I was just thinking–” her voice trailed down.

_“Are you going to talk to Oliver?”_

She put the phone away from her ear and banged her head against the wall. The thought of telling Oliver the truth after all this time was enough to send her into a panic.

“I need to think about it,” she told him. “Listen, Tommy, I have to go. I’ll call you back later!”

_“Felicity wait–”_

She hung up before he could do something stupid, like talk some sense into her.

She couldn’t talk to Oliver.

There was no way on earth she could stand before him, look him in the eyes and tell him she had been pregnant with his child and then had lost it.

He would hate her forever if he knew she had kept such a big secret from him.

And the thought of him hating her forever… their current situation was far from ideal, but she was pretty sure he didn’t hate her. And ever since the _Golden Globes_ , she had started accepting that she didn’t hate him either. She had also started accepting that she missed him and that she needed him in her life. If she lost him now…

It would break her.

But on the other hand how could she spend her days working with him and not tell him anything? How could she look him in the eyes and keep the truth to herself?

It hadn’t been fair of her to keep her pregnancy a secret from him back then and it still wasn’t fair to do it now. They had made that child together, it had been _their_ son… Oliver had a right to know about him.

She closed her eyes for a second and tried to picture the look he’d make if she told him about their lost baby boy.

It wasn’t too difficult.

She had already seen heartbreak in his eyes once before. It had made her sick then, even though her anger and hurt after his betrayal had helped her move past it.

There would be no such thing to help her this time and the only anger she’d feel would be directed at herself and at her own cowardice.

_“You know you can’t run forever, right?”_

Oliver’s words echoed in her head.

She covered her mouth with her fist to muffle a sob.

She didn’t want to run anymore. She knew the weight of all her secrets was too great for her to bear forever.

But truth was, her fear of stopping was even greater. Because telling the truth might just destroy her too.

Feeling like her thought were leading her nowhere but to absolute insanity, she jumped on her feet. Grabbing her keys and purse, she walked out of her apartment, with no destination in mind.

 

* * *

 

**_Transatlantic – March 11 th, 2017, Coast City, US_ **

 

Felicity had walked out of her apartment with one purpose: clear her mind.

It seemed her subconscious remembered perfectly well how she used to clear her mind because she found herself at a bar, sitting on a stool, with a shot of alcohol – she didn’t even know which one – in front of her.

She brushed the cold glass with the tip of her finger, knowing oblivion was only a swallow away. It would be so easy to just down the alcohol. She could almost feel the burn in her throat she was sure would follow and then the pleasant warmth that would spread in her belly as her limbs loosened.

She truly missed the cold embrace of oblivion. She truly missed that place where her memories faded away until they ceased to exist, that blessed place where her traitorous mind and feelings could no longer hurt her.

It was so close, within easy reach. All she had to do was lift the glass before her to her lips.

She was reaching for the glass, to bring it closer or push it away, she didn’t know, when her phone buzzed in her purse.

She picked up out of habit.

“Yes?” She answered.

_“Felicity?”_

Her heart froze in her chest.

“Oliver.”

Silence on his side of the line.

Then a sigh.

_“I don’t really know why I’m calling…”_

He sounded confused and tired. She could almost picture him scratching the back of his head. The image made her smile.

“I’m at the bar,” she blurted out. “I ordered a shot of alcohol.” She shut her eyes in mortification and cursed herself over a hundred times as she waited for his reply.

 _“Don’t drink it_ ,” was all he said before hanging up.

 

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EXCERPT FROM _THE AGENCY II_ ’s NOVELIZATION

 

_Theresa stared down at the sleeping city, completely lost in her thoughts. She was sitting at the very edge of her hotel’s rooftop. It was without the shadow of a doubt a very dangerous place to be, but then she had spent her life in dangerous places. There were the only homes she had ever known._

“Wrong!” _A traitorous voice whispered in her head._

_She had known another home. It hadn’t been a place, but the arms of…_

_She clenched her fists and shook her head, steeling her heart, using anger to stop soft tenderness from weakening her._

_She had only ever known violence and danger. Her world was only one color._

_Crimson red._

_The color of blood._

_Still, this rooftop was a pretty dangerous place to be, even for her. One wrong move and she’d fall to her death._

_But she wouldn’t make a wrong move. She had been taught better._

_If she fell, it would be because she wanted to._

_She rubbed the thumb she had dislocated earlier to free herself from Dylan’s handcuffs._

_Dylan._

_She might jump from a rooftop someday. Lord knew the world would be a better place without her in it._

_But she wouldn’t jump before she had taken him down._

_And she would._

_She was stronger than him now._

_When he had left her, she’d never killed anyone. Now she had killed so many, she had lost count. She saw their faces at night, every night. Anywhere she went, they went too. She carried the weight of the dead on her shoulders. And one day, when she finally decided to jump, she knew they’d be the one to drag her down, like balls at her feet._

_“Theresa?”_

_She turned to find young agent 208, Drew Chester, looking at her._

_“Did you find when the drug will come in?” She asked._

_He shook his head. “That’s not why I’m here.” He raised a file he was carrying._

_“What’s this?”_

_“Something I found on Director’s Marsden computer. It was classified but that’s never stopped me before.”_

_Theresa tensed. “You stole a classified file from our director’s computer? Are you insane?”_

_Drew shrugged. “Just curious.”_

_She jumped down from where she had been sitting and walked to him._

_“Wait! Before you knock some sense into me, you should check this out. It’s about our target, former Agent 320. Your partner.”_

_“Former partner,” she corrected._

_She worked solo now. Well, not for this mission but only because Director’s Marsden had insisted this wasn’t a one woman’s job. But she knew it was because he didn’t think her capable of carrying out the mission because of Dylan’s involvement. It was a test, one she intended to pass._

_“What’s in the file?” She asked._

_“Reports on several infraction attempts on Agency’s complexes. Agent 320 led four raids over the past seven years.”_

“Theresa no, I tried to save you.”

_Dylan words from before echoed in her head._

_She swallowed heavily. “Is this going to help us take them down?”_

_“No. I just thought you might want to know,” Drew replied, handing her the file._

 

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Felicity was still sitting on her stool, her shot of alcohol in front of her when Oliver sat next to her. He didn’t announce himself in any way and she gasped in surprise.

“God, you scared me!” She covered her chest with her hand, as if to keep her heart in. The idiot might try to dig its way out and meet Oliver’s.

She had seen him only a couple of hours ago but still, she studied his profile as if she hadn’t seen him in years. He was wearing a white tee and a pair of faded jeans. His wet hair told her he had showered.

“You scared me too,” he replied. He reached for her shot and downed it in a second. He winced. “God, I hate whisky. Couldn’t you have ordered vodka?”

She shrugged. “I can’t stomach it since I–” her voice trailed down. “Yeah no, probably not my finest moment.”

“I once peed on a cop’s car. It can’t be worse than that.”

She chuckled. “ _Touché_.” She rubbed her thighs with her hands, picking up the pieces of her courage. “So… are we going to skirt around the reason we’re here or are we going to talk about it?”

“Depends… do you want to tell me about it?”

She frowned. “You’re the one who always insists on talking.”

“I’m trying a new method.”

Felicity took a deep breath. “I think you were right from the beginning,” she eventually said. “I think we should talk. But I–” she twisted her fingers in nervousness. “I don’t think I’m ready yet. But I promise to tell you everything.”

“Okay.” He whispered his agreement in a voice so soft it felt like a caress.

Felicity thought that would be it but he suddenly grabbed her hand in her lap. She stiffened at first. Ever since they had kissed, they had been careful not to touch each other more than necessary. But this wasn’t sexual in any way. It was about comfort.

So she let out a small breath and relaxed. Oliver squeezed her fingers and she returned the squeeze.

“Let’s get of here then,” he said.

She nodded and they walked out of the bar. They stopped holding hands the moment they walked through the door. But as they moved down the street, with no goal in mind, she felt as if they were still connected by an invisible thread.

“I just want to ask you one thing!”

She smiled. “I knew it was too good to be true.” She shook her head. “Okay, shoot.”

He glanced her way, to make sure she was serious. “Why didn’t you open the door when I came to New-York?”

She let out a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding. “You already asked me that.”

“And you didn’t answer.”

She hadn’t.

She looked down at her feet. “There are many reasons but I think in the end I was just scared.”

She had been alone, pregnant and full of distrust.

A vulnerable mess.

She had been hurt by both his actions and hers. Just like she had told Tommy years ago, their argument had felt absolutely final. They had said things that couldn’t be unsaid.

She hadn’t known how to come back from it and she hadn’t been brave enough to try and figure it out.

She told Oliver just that, except for the part about her being pregnant.

“I regret not opening the door that day,” she admitted, nervously playing with the handle of her purse. “If I had… everything would be different.”

Their son might have lived.

The thought brought tears to her eyes but she was quick to wipe them off and fortunately enough, Oliver didn’t see them, lost as he was in his own thoughts.

“You don’t know that,” he eventually said. “Maybe nothing good would have come out of this conversation.”

Maybe he was right. Maybe she still would have found out with Tommy that day and maybe she would have still…

“It’s useless to linger on the “what ifs” and “maybes”,” Oliver told her.

“What matters is the present,” she agreed, remembering something her therapist had told her many times.

Oliver bumped her shoulder with his. “That’s the spirit!”

They had made it back to where they were living when Oliver stopped, his eyebrows furrowed. “Isn’t that Barry? And who’s that girl he’s with?”

Felicity stopped in her tracks. She then slapped her forehead. “Dang it! I completely forgot Caitlin was visiting us this week… we were supposed to meet for brunch,” she checked her watch, “thirty minutes ago.”

“Don’t sweat it. You’re just being fashionably late.”

“I hate being late,” she mumbled.

“I know.”

She started walking again but he grabbed her elbow to stop her. “Are you going to be okay?”

She knew he was referring to her almost drinking. “Normally I should be rushing to the first AA meeting but… I think I’ll be fine. Thank you,” she quickly added, her voice softening.

“Don’t mention it.”

They stood still for a second as they looked into each other’s eyes. His were clearer than a summer sky and she felt a pang of emotion the longer they started at one another. Longing unfolded inside her as they inhaled and exhaled at the same time in perfect synchronicity.

She felt closer to him than she had been in years.

He leaned toward her, or maybe she was the one who stepped toward him.

“Felicity! There you are!”

They both jumped away from each other.

Caitlin and Barry had spotted them and walked the short distance to join them.

“We’ve been looking for you!” Barry said.

“You got us a little worried,” Caitlin added, her eyes going from Oliver to her and back.

“Yeah, sorry, we were…” She tried to come up with an explanation but nothing came.

“We were working on a scene over coffee and lost track of time,” Oliver politely explained, saving her.

“Yes! That’s right! We were doing that. But we’re done now. And back here.” She mentally slapped herself. “Anyway, Caitlin, this is Oliver and Oliver, this is Caitlin, my friend and co-star.”

“And my girlfriend,” Barry quickly added.

Oliver shot Caitlin a wide smile and she seemed a bit dazzled as she shook his hand. “Pleased to meet you,” he told her.

“Likewise,” she replied.

“We were going to brunch,” Barry told him, “would you like to join us?”

Oliver shook his head, his eyes meeting Felicity’s. “I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“You wouldn’t be intruding, man!”

“Yeah, it’s okay come on, Oliver!” Felicity said, knowing full well his reluctance came from the fact he didn’t know if she’d be comfortable with him there.

“Alright then… let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

**_Felicity’s apartment – March 11 th, 2017, Coast City, US_**

****

“So, you and Oliver, uh?” Caitlin said, as Felicity handed her a fuming cup of tea.

They had left Barry alone so that he could learn his lines for the upcoming week and so that they could spend some quality girl time together.

“Oliver and me what? There’s no me and Oliver.”

“Oh please,” Caitlin said, making a swatting gesture with her hand. “I was about to suggest you two get a room from the way you were looking at each other.”

“We weren’t–” Felicity started to protest.

“I’m pretty sure the two of you were about to kiss and that Barry and I interrupted you.” She paused for a second. She must have realized something because when she spoke again, her tone was less teasing and more serious. “Listen, Felicity… you never told us anything about your relationship with Oliver and I realize it may be because it’s a very sensitive topic for you, so if you think I’m being too nosy and want me to shut up, just say so.”

Felicity looked down at her cup of tea. She had never told anyone anything about her and Oliver. Aside from Tommy and her therapist, nobody knew anything about their breakup and their lost baby.

But she had known Caitlin and Barry for nearly two years now and working together on _The Lawyer_ had brought them close. Felicity never would have thought when she first met them that they’d become such great friends. Being an extremely private person, she had been guarded around them at first, not sharing anything intimate with them. She had learned to relax around them and had entrusted them with her addiction problems. Maybe it was time to entrust Caitlin with a little more. Maybe talking about it with another woman would help.

“It’s just… a lot of things that are hard to talk about happened between us.”

Caitlin nodded. “Say no more! We can talk about something else.”

“No! I mean, I don’t mind– I don’t mind talking about it. With you, that is.”

“Okay, I’m listening then.”

“It’s a bit weird,” Felicity started, feeling her cheeks redden. “Oliver really wants to talk about the past and I’m trying my best not to do that.”

“I’m not Oliver,” Caitlin encouraged her, offering her a warm smile.

“I know… in June, it’ll be the sixth anniversary of our breakup. And when I saw him last September, I hadn’t seen him in over five years.”

Caitlin eyes widened. “Five years and nothing? No contact at all? That must have been one hell of a breakup.”

Felicity shook her head. “I saw him making out with his co-star, Laurel Lance, at a party.”

“Oh Felicity…” Caitlin reached for her hand and gave it a sympathetic squeeze. “The rumors were true, then? He did cheat on you. I’m sorry.”

Her heart clenched in her chest as an image from that terrible night came back to haunt her.

“I had two boyfriends before Oliver. One left me because our relationship wasn’t working for him. It wasn’t working for me either so… that was okay, but he was still the one to leave, you know? And my second boyfriend left me for another girl. So, I guess I started our relationship thinking he would leave me too someday and when I caught him with Laurel… I lost it.”

“That’s pretty understandable.”

“Still, maybe things didn’t have to go that far.”

“He cheated on you.”

“I know. I’m saying that retrospectively.”

After all, what was a kiss compared to their son’s life?

“And how have things been between you two since you… reconnected?”

Felicity winced at her choice of words. “A succession of steps back and steps forward.” A beat. “We kissed a few days ago.”

“Really?” Caitlin seemed to be excited but then, she hesitated. “Wait, are we happy about that or not?”

“It was… it was a pretty good kiss,” Felicity admitted. “It was amazing, truly. But things are really complicated between us right now. There are lots of unresolved things and feelings… I’m not sure we need that too.”

Caitlin didn’t say anything, just stared at her contemplatively for a moment. “There’s more to the story than just cheating, isn’t there?”

“Yeah…”

Caitlin seemed to sense it wasn’t something Felicity wished to dive into because she let the matter go and swiftly changed the subject.

“Well, I can see why Oliver wants to talk about the past, even more so if you haven’t spoken to each other in years.” Caitlin paused for a second. “Sounds like you guys are in serious need of closure.”

Felicity sighed and her shoulders fell. “It just hurts too much…” she confessed.

“It will at first and then you’ll feel better.”

“Are you talking from experience?”

“Kinda. For a very long time, my mother and I didn’t see eye to eye. She didn’t approve of my choice and she said some pretty hurtful things to me. We didn’t speak for a very long time. It was difficult to reopen those wounds but in the end it was worth it and extremely liberating.”

“I’m glad you worked things out with your mom.”

“You and Oliver will too, especially if you guys want a second chance…”

Felicity tensed. “Who said anything about a second choice?”

“Neither of you said anything but you needn’t to. Your eyes spoke loud enough.”

They exchanged a smile and for the first time in a while, Felicity’s heart swelled with hope.

 

* * *

 

**_Twitter – March 11 th and 12th, 2017_ **

****

**“The Gossip Room**

@TheGossipRoom Couple Alert! Is #Olicity back together? **[www.thegossiproom.com/actors/2017/03/11/](http://www.thegossiproom.com/actors/2017/03/11/)...**

4:35 PM – 11 March 17”

\--

**“The Lawyer Fans**

@TheLawyerUNOFF Actors Felicity Smoak and Barry Allen spotted with #TheLawyer co-star Caitlin Snow and #TheEmeraldArcher himself, Oliver Queen in Coast City!!!

5:21 PM – 11 March 17”

\--

**“Thelan Army**

@Thelan4ever Those pictures of **@OliverQueenOFF** and **@AnotherBlonde** are giving me so much hope for #TheAgencyII Thanks **@TheDig** for making this happen!

3:14 AM – 12 March 17”

\--

**“The Hollywood Pap**

@HollywoodpapOFF **Click here** and check out the pictures of Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak cozy double date with co-stars Barry Allen and girlfriend Caitlin Snow!

8:05 AM – 12 March 2017”

\--

**“We Heart Olicity**

@OlicityLives New @!!! Our ship is rising!!

10:13 AM – 12 March 2017”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you guys think?  
> Don't hesitate to tell me in a review or leave a kudo. They both make me incredibly happy!
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/JustineC_M  
> and Tumblr: http://charlie-leau.tumblr.com/  
> Don't be afraid to come and talk to me. I don't bite! :)

**Author's Note:**

> So, what did you guys think?  
> Don't hesitate to tell me in a review or leave a kudo. They both make me incredibly happy!
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/JustineC_M  
> and Tumblr: http://charlie-leau.tumblr.com/  
> Don't be afraid to come and talk to me. I don't bite! :)


End file.
